unintended outting at a wake

adult humour?


Unintended Outting at a Wake (fiction, maybe? lmao)

She had never told anyone that she was kinky and had died while away from home. So there were a few surprises when the wake she had always wanted was held at her home…

  • Like the person who went to get more TP and found where she put her butt plugs to dry instead. The poor man called his wife over and asked what they were. His wife blushed, stammered and said “tell you later hun!”
  • A dear old granny in midst of crying ” why didn’t God take me instead”, reached down to find out what was hurting her boney bum and found a pair of cuffs sticking up behind the cushion she sat on.
  • Someone logged onto her computer to get some pics from her facebook acct and found her fetlife page instead. Her fetishes included bukkake and being used as a human toilet. This poor person was a germophobe… I think she washed her hands 10 x before someone could stop her.

There was a buzz starting to go around the people assembled there.

  • A man, while trying to be a gentleman, reached for an umbrella to shade a lady’s head from the rain on her walk out to her car, and found canes of varying sizes in the umbrella stand instead. He huffed and learned a lesson about when being a gentleman might cost him again.
  • One of the kids found her nipple clamps and was parading around with them on their ears, till mom caught on and took them away. More than a few people blushed.
  • The pastor went to say prayers for her spirit and looked up to find himself standing under the ceiling rings where she was tied up. He asked his wife about macrame. She quickly redirected his position, while saying “no dear, that is NOT what those are for!” Later he had a long chat with her about how she knew that…

In one corner, there were a few people whispering and giggling. And in another were some who were praying for her soul. “The devil comes in many disguises!” was said. And something about “guarding your pure heart”. One of the gigglers overheard that and howled, crying so hard. She thought that “pure” day might have been long past!

  • So one dame who was well afronted, decided to get this evil stuff out of the house and have the house saged and cleansed. She found the toy box under the bed and almost fainted instead. She refused to touch anything without a new pair of thick cleaning gloves on.

Everything was gathered, and instead of a book burning, they had a bonfire for all her kinky stuff. The righteous ones were crying and praying over the soul of the departed. And a few friends were sneaking away toys that they had been wanting to have for a while, but couldn’t find anywhere in town. Kind of sad that she had never told them. Kind of giggling over the shock of the town prudes.

The wake was talked about in hushed tones among the adults of town for many years!

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