kik chats

kik chats


oh baby baby, show me your bewbs!

tell me your name so I know what to call you in my picket fence dreaming


um huh… ok so show me your butt baby baby wiggle it for me gawd that skirt is so sexy, so hot so tight!

where do you work? I gotta see if you qualify for my wonder list of potential husbands


fuck me! you weird chick u! So intense! Show me your twat, you sexy thing. I wanna see how wet you’ll get for me

I want to tell you my desires and dreams about the future… will you tell me yours?


ooo are they dirty? I wanna use you like a whore, make you cum like crazy baby baby

woman to her friend
I’m trying to get him to open up to me. Poor guy must have been hurt so bad by someone.

man to friend

Chicka is nutso. Like I mean 5 kiks and she wants marriage and family. She knows I’m married, right? wtf huh?

woman in journal
Dear Freud, I’m pretty sure he fits your thesis of ……. He has these symptoms
blah blah blah (text wall after text wall)

man’s friend to man

dude! wtf have you got into here??


**hiiiisssss** **hiiiisssss**
a snake for every heart shard
she wore upon her head
you could hear them first
and knew you soon were dead.
**hiiiisssss** **hiiiisssss**

Once a normal woman, in the wrong place, in the wrong time. Turned into a monster, one piece at a time.

**hiiiisssss** **hiiiisssss**
a snake for every heart shard
she wore upon her head
you could hear them first
and knew you soon were dead.
**hiiiisssss** **hiiiisssss**

Before a voice of quiet desperation, [stoney end][] becoming more numb by the day and night. Looking for more wrongs to make her feel, till she cannot breathe without feeling like she’s eating poison.

**hiiiisssss** **hiiiisssss**
a snake for every heart shard
she wore upon her head
you could hear them first
and knew you soon were dead.
**hiiiisssss** **hiiiisssss**

Love twisted into a grudge; sex twisted into rape; childhood innocence lost; [concrete angel][] fear and sadness become anger; this woman became what she feared. The harbinger of death.

**hiiiisssss** **hiiiisssss**
a snake for every heart shard
she wore upon her head
you could hear them first
and knew you soon were dead.
**hiiiisssss** **hiiiisssss**

Once a woman made her into something she had never planned to be, she learned the power of vengeance and dished it out herself. Foul spoonfuls of hate, for those who looked on her to take sustenance from. [carve away the stone][]

**hiiiisssss** **hiiiisssss**
a snake for every heart shard
she wore upon her head
you could hear them first
and knew you soon were dead.
**hiiiisssss** **hiiiisssss**

There she learned she was not alone, a gorgon sister and bride of fate and evil.[heart of stone][] Almost a relief to be what she had fought, if only for a while. Since she knew a hero would be along to claim her soon, if only as a prize.

**hiiiisssss** **hiiiisssss**
a snake for every heart shard
she wore upon her head
you could hear them first
and knew you soon were dead.
**hiiiisssss** **hiiiisssss**

She sharpened her weapons for the final battle and yet was taken anyway. It’s really no fair when the gods give her hero divine tools, for such as she to fall to. He is ordained to defeat her.

**with a last hisssss she was gone**
all stone now, with her head beside her
[turn to stone][]

## . . . .Medusa story

## . . . . song lyrics
* [heart of stone’s lyrics][]

* [carve away the stone’s lyrics][]

* [stoney end’s lyrics][]

* [concrete angel’s lyrics][]

* [turn to stone’s lyrics][]


work forced (a story)

work forced ( a story)

I just have one piece of advice for those of you men who have secretaries or assistants. Do NOT sleep with her, then when you get tired of her, try to fire her. The easiest thing that could happen is she sues you, then there’s criminal charges of harassment, depends how easy it goes. Or you could run into me 😛
My boss was foolish enough to write in his journal that he was going to fire me in two weeks. After a year long affair. When I thought he was going to leave his wife soon. Well he did keep telling me how unhappy he was at home. What a bitch she was. How they had a sexless relationship. Yeah the usual. I know I was a sucker. But people who use me tend to get taught a lesson.
He ran into his murderer and he hired and slept with her. He bought her gifts. So who was the foolish one?
I now knew everything he had told me as pillow talk, and I could use it against him. His dreams, his hobbies, his obsessions and his family and friends. I just had to think and pick that one thing that would leave him desperate, alone and embarrassed. Like I now felt.

  • He had been spending the past 20 years working on and fishing on his dad’s boat. That had to be part of it.
  • His work reputation and clients’ view of him was critical to him. Part two.
  • He had no idea I knew yet, and I did his social and business engagements’ planning. Part three.
  • He had seizures whenever he was near a strobe light. Part four.

Sooooo… I planned a party. All his clients were invited. They were told it was a costume party and the theme was famous lovers in history. It would be on his boat. They were told he had an announcement to make.
The caterers , the flowers, the boat was decorated. Then there was my wedding dress. Padded like I was an 8 month bride. (Nope I’m not pregnant, but the clients hardly ever saw me. It was an internet based business.)
I gathered clips of our sex tapes and made them look a lot kinkier than they were. He said his wife was a prude. And a few of his clients were as well. I put them onto a stick and taped it into the bra of the dress.
That night, I installed the strobe and hooked my laptop up to the TV in the main lounge of the boat. He had no clue I knew he planned to fire me, so he was trying to keep me sweet and maybe get some loving before we broke up.
I tested the strobe a few times, to get his brain primed. Then put on a disco dance. All the guests started to dance. He was kind of hopping. I touched his arm, but he didn’t really seem to grasp that I was there. So I uploaded the clips while his seizure was in process. And hit play. Jaws were dropping thru the room. I walked out of the room while they were all in shock, to the motorboat that had brought a few late guests and left. Left him to the explanations he would have to give. Left for my new life. With my laptop. Nobody thought to stop me and he was in no condition to.
A year later, I heard his wife had taken him to the cleaners in the divorce. She had gotten custody of their kids due to the witnesses who saw the clips. His best clients left his company. They said he had shown really bad judgment.
He seemed really sad in the pictures I saw of him.
And I was on to my next love. No more married men for me! Or bosses either. I think we had both learned our lesson.

the squeaky wheel gets the grease (an analogy)

Every time she walked past the cage, she heard him first. The one who was running on the wheel and seemed to be a bit hysterical or manic. She was never quite sure which it was. She was no trained rodent biologist after all. So she made sure the food and water were fresh, the straw was dry and clean. Made sure everyone seemed alert and cozy. All of them seemed to be, except one little runt, way back in the corner. She petted each and every one of the rodents equally, except the noisy one and the runt. They got more pets. Her pets to the noisy one were always about thanking him for the reminder to check on the group. And the little runt because she was worried about him. They had all lost their mom, but he seemed to be the one who was pining for her. Every other seemed to be coping ok. Or was the endless attention seeking a need as well?
She wished she knew more about rodents. But there weren’t a lot of resources where she lived. She just had her instincts. And they said, cosset them both. They were both saying they needed help in their own way.
Some of the rodents were rutting in the corner, and she sat nearby till they were done and then gave them a treat and a pet. She knew when she was sad that she wanted to feel alive in someone’s arms. So she wondered if the rodents might feel the same way. Some slept more than others and those she made sure got a cozy part of the cage.
She knew all her sisters and brothers had done different things to recover when their mom had died, so she watched closely to see what outlying behaviour was going on. Then act in a primal way to cosset the need. Some did repetitive things and some just lay and missed her, watching the others as if they were nuisances to their peace. She gave the active ones something fun to do, to curb their obsessions. And to the quiet ones, she covered them and set a soothing music to comfort them. Petting them when they sighed in their dreams.
Some of te rodents wanted to be alone, or as alone as they could be. And when they were feeling oppressed by the others’ presence, they got snappy and bitey to chase the others away. And some would want to snuggle up with their mates and never let go. She watched for the extremes and petted them and gave them extra attention. She felt almost like a cowboy or wrangler, working the herd. But these were all grieving rats. And she knew not one of them felt good about missing their mom. But yet they were all acting differently. So she just watched and reassured them that she was there. She had missed that most as the quiet child, when her mom had died. Everyone assumed she was ok, but her insides were twisted up, like a knotted rope. And to this day, she still had phantom stomach pains. But no one understood. Just how isolated she had felt then. They still thought she was crazy, cuzz she never reacted outwards like they had. Which is why she watched the rats so closely and never presumed the behaviour of an outlier was a good thing. She thought they all needed attention and love now. So she made sure they all got it.
After all, their mom had just died and they felt so alone. Orphanned. She knew that feeling. She was glad she was the carer of these poor little souls. Someone had to be.

## . . . . grief
(pro articles)
[dynamics, roles][]
[Dr Elizabeth Kubler-Ross][]
Everyone expresses their grief in their own way. And in their own time.

the days tech attacked!! ( a story)

the days tech attacked!! (a story)

Tech is coming into our homes, more and more . And I would be a very, very bad technophobe if I never wrote a horror story about how badly things could go wrong with this. So here it is! Enter this piece at your own risk. I likely won’t sleep for a week 😛


I like my privacy
And even before I got my home aid, I had heard stories about the federal police and the govt wanting access to the computer versions of the search tool. So honestly, i have no clue what I was doing making this decision as a technophobe. And an anarchist.
I asked the device for my usual things I liked to know. At first it was “kind” enough to answer me or allow the searches. But then it was almost like the device became the brat version of itself. It became adament in it’s refusal or appeared confused, even though it was a simple search that I had done repeatedly. OR it offered me my fave porn hub videos instead. That was ok when I was alone. But one night in the middle of a dinner party, with my pastor?… I asked for a Bible verse! Everyone was some shade of red! My pastor gave me a lecture about keeping my mind chaste. That despite my bodily urges, I could at least not trigger it with such an influence. A female friend there gave me a lecture in self respect and the patriarchal influences in porn. She ended it with tears.
Every now and then, out of nowhere, I would hear sirens approach and barely got into a towel or clothes before my home was raided by the police. Luckily I was mostly alone. Once, a lover was over and was asked very embarrassing questions about our sexual habits. They claimed they were concerned about my safety, despite my reassurance. That was the last time he came over. I can’t say I blame him. 😦

I like my toys
And I had hooked up all my toys to wifi. I was thinking ease of function? There might even be some fun for two in it? At first it lulled me into a false sense of security… They worked fine, as they should. It was a good, fun time 🙂
Then I started getting lite shocks at really bad times. Would have been fine for a masochist and all, but I am not!! a masochist, so my urges and their fruition went south 😦
Which got worse when I started getting Billy Graham or Robert Schuller’s voice telling me about a prophet in the Bible or the days Jesus walked in the desert with the devil. Sooooo a turn off!! (in case you don’t know, famous TV preachers)
Worst though was the day my dad’s voice came thru the vibrator just as I was orgasming, to ask me to pick up groceries for him and include something for his hemorrhoids. Yeah wifi was unhooked from my toys that day. It took a week for me to even consider masturbating and much longer to cum. 😛

I’m a bit of a paranoid
I like knowing that my home is secure. At first this function was great and all was well. Till the brat decided I was a perv who must be punished and started warning me a neighbour was entering my back door when I was in the shower. Or I’d be dozing in the tub and the fire alarm would go off. I had made the mistake of touching my genital area. So towel on and run for the alarm before the fire dept was dispatched. I ended up putting a “at home” delay on it so I didn’t slip and fall when I was scrambling out of my bubble bath. I was sure one day, I’d knock myself out and wake to find FFD guys all around me.
And there were the days the brat decided I was a threat to the nation and must keep me from bombing something critical or spreading some gas or infection. Everytime I uploaded a grocery list, it would audit the list and change some of the items right in front of my eyes. Hey you! I may be an anarchist, but that doesn’t mean I’m a terrorist, you lil shit! Worst were the days it called 911 because my garden needed fertilizer or my allergies acted up and I was out of Sudofed 😦 Needless to say, I became more paranoid. I changed the perameters to outdoor surveillance. And home maintenance things, like monitoring the appliances and electric and carbon and freon gases so I felt i could sleep at night and no more!!!

I was beginning to hate this thing!!!!
If it had worked right, and I could trust it, it could have been a lot of fun. Which is why I didn’t disconnect it sooner. As it was, I showed a LOT of patience considering all that happened. But that was mostly cuzz I found ways to curb the brat.

till the last straw!!

One day I was home with a lover and the S.W.A.T team came in. We were searched VERY THOROUGHLY! The house was searched and sadly for us it was a no pot allowed district. So we were arrested. But at least it was just for possession for personal use. We had smoked the part that tipped us over the max for that earlier. It had taken some time for the alert to be processed and their arrangements and investigation to go thru. It seems the home aid had been collating the searches and providng a profile for the police action.
That was it, the home aid was all ripped out!
I was just glad I could explain things lol. But I still have to do community service and go to rehab. Court ordered of course. My home is now low tech!!

**Sooooo, do you want this in your home??

pro notes on depression

* [anger pain and depression- psychology today][]

Anger, pain and depression are three negative experiences so closely bound together it can sometimes be hard to know where one ends and the other begins. Pain is a complex phenomenon that has emotional and physical components. The emotions play a huge role in the experience of pain, and pain is intimately associated with depression. It’s long been known that the psychic pain of depression feeds anger. But just as often, anger fuels depression.

A powerful emotion physiologically and emotionally, anger often feels good—but only for the moment. It can be a motivating force that moves you to action. But there are good actions and bad ones; it’s vital to distinguish between the two.

Many people confuse anger and hostility. Anger is a response to a situation that presents some threat. Hostility is a more enduring characteristic, a predisposition, a personality trait reflecting a readiness to express anger.

Anger is usually anything but subtle. It has potent physiological effects. You feel it in your chest. You feel it in your head. You feel it coursing through your body.

Nevertheless, anger can be insidious. Anger confers an immediate sense of purpose; it’s a shortcut to motivation. And if there’s something depressed people need, it’s motivation. But anger creates a cycle of rage and defeatism.


* [self fulfilling prophecy][]

A self-fulfilling prophecy is when you thinksomething will happen, and then you make it happen. “We imagine one of many outcomes, and then we consciously or unconsciously make the outcome a reality,

* [Seligmann – learned help/hope-lessness][]

An adaptation of this theory argues that depression results not only from helplessness, but also from hopelessness. The hopelessness theory attributes depression to a pattern of negative thinking in which people blame themselves for negative life events, view the causes of those events as permanent, and overgeneralize specific weaknesses to many areas of their life (e.g., “I am not good at creative things, so I am therefore not a good mother, therefore my relationship with my child is undoubtedly doomed”).

Other cognitive behavioral theorists suggest that people with “depressive” personality traits appear to be more vulnerable than others to depression. Examples of depressive personality traits include neuroticism, gloominess, introversion, self-criticism, excessive skepticism and criticism of others, deep feelings of inadequacy, and excessive brooding and worrying. In addition, people who regularly behave in dependent, hostile, and impulsive ways appear at greater risk for depression.

* [ama – journal of ethics][]


– Depressed mood,
– Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in activities,
– Significant weight loss (when not dieting), or weight gain, or change in appetite,
– Insomnia or hypersomnia,
– Psychomotor agitation or retardation,
– Fatigue or loss of energy,
– Feelings of worthlessness or guilt,
– Diminished ability to think or concentrate,
– Recurrent thoughts of death, recurrent suicidal ideation, or a suicide attempt [8].
To meet DSM-IV criteria for an episode of major depression, 1 of the 5 symptoms must be either depressed mood or diminished interest. These symptoms must cause clinically significant stress or impairment in functioning and cannot be directly attributable to another medical condition.

* [world health org][]


* [psychology today][]


– Persistent sad, anxious, or empty mood
– Feelings of hopelessness or pessimism
– Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness
– Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities that were once enjoyed, including sex
– Decreased energy, fatigue, being “slowed down”
– Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions
– Insomnia, early morning awakening or oversleeping
– Appetite and/or weight loss, or overeating and weight gain
– Thoughts of death or suicide, suicide attempts
– Restlessness, irritability
– Persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment, such as headaches, digestive disorders and chronic pain

* [nih][]

– appetite or weight loss or gain;
– insomnia or hypersomnia;
– agitation or retardation;
– loss of energy or fatigue (DSM-IV);
– loss of confidence or self-esteem (ICD-10);
– worthlessness or guilt;
– reduced concentration or indecisiveness;
– thoughts of suicide or suicide attempt.

* [nih – PD vs depression][]

* [psych central – addictions and depression][]

Depressive disorders often cause acutely uncomfortable feelings such as overwhelming sadness, hopelessness, numbness, isolation, sleep disorders, digestive and food-related disorders. It is tempting, if medications aren’t being prescribed or used properly, for people suffering from depression to self-medicate.

This can compound the depression and make it far worse.


* [webmd][]

Depression is a risk factor for dementia, researchers report, and people with more symptoms of depressiontend to suffer a more rapid decline in thinking and memory skills. While the study found an association between the two, it did not prove a cause-and-effect relationship.

* [mayo clinic][]

Inherited traits play a role in how antidepressants affect you. In some cases, where available, results of genetic tests (done by a blood test or cheek swab) may offer clues about how your body may respond to a particular antidepressant. However, other variables besides genetics can affect your response to medication.

  • [psychotic depression][]


    People with psychotic depression have symptoms of depression and psychosis.

    Psychosis is a loss of contact with reality. It usually includes:

    • Delusions: False beliefs about what is taking place or who one is
    • Hallucinations: Seeing or hearing things that aren’t there

    The types of delusions and hallucinations are often related to your depressed feelings. For example, some people may hear voices criticizing them, or telling them that they don’t deserve to live. The person may develop false beliefs about their body, for example, that they have cancer.