the making of a social marionette (a story)

instead of a person.

> I used to think the worst thing in life is to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone. – Robin Williams

**the alienation string**
When she was born, she was hugged for a whole minute by a nurse, till her father told the nurse it was just spoiling the child. She was educated by the law, but all her teachers were told she was too stupid to ever be able to use it. So they were just wasting their time.

**the expectations string**
Her mother wanted to teach her how to be a girl, but her father said all girls did was practice to be a wife and a mother or a whore. What was the point in that? Her father wanted a son, and if her parts didn’t match to that wish, he’d do all but cut them off, so he could have his will over her.

**the failure to protect string**
At school she was bullied and tortured by those who thought she should be like them. When she walked the streets, she was catcalled and pursued by men who thought she was made for their pleasure. Her father told her she was emitting whore radar. And she ought to be more chaste.

**the failure to nurture string**
If anyone ever asked her her dreams, she was laughed at for even daring. How could she be anything but a wife and mother or a whore? She was given a tea set, a doll and a make up kit. To see which she’d become.

**the sibling favouritism string**
Her sister who knitted, crocheted and baked was praised. Her sister who played the violin was praised. Her brother who built things, and repaired cars was praised. Her brother who won a math championship was praised. She was told she was a lazy misfit. Who would never amount to anything. No matter what she was good at.

**the “I told you so”, “you deserved it” double string**
When her first boyfriend dumped her without a ring or a baby, she was told now she’d be the whore they always knew she was.
When she was good at nothing her siblings were, they said she was obviously just as lazy and stupid as they always thought she was.
When she was raped and abused, they told her her whore radar had worked too well and she should have been more chaste.

**the manipulation string**
Family and friends used dark words and wishes to tell her how to be. They begged, they threatened… till she gave in just so they’d stfu!! already.

**the evil world string**
When she succeeded in the larger world, they reminded her the Bible and the church said the world was evil. When she failed, she was told she was measuring herself to the wrong standards, and had wasted her time and energy on the wrong people and things.

**the failure to individuate string**
Everywhere she went, she heard their voices in her head. Saying she had to be what they thought she should or she was a whore or a failure. No matter how many miles away they were, they still controlled her and she actually lived as their voices told her she should. She actually missed them. And found people who mistreated her as badly as them.

In the end, she was nothing but [plastic.][https://youtu.be/RD9xK9smth4] cuzz she never left the doll house.

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Her Gift (Merry Christmas – erotica)

Her Gift (Merry Christmas – erotica)

Her husband had been working overtime for weeks, trying to get his desk cleared so they could have time together and relax. Rejuvenate their relationship. Tonight he hadn’t come home all night, She was half annoyed and half frightened. It was taking longer than usual, this run, and she kept close watch over the garage. Finally, she heard the door open and went to greet him. He put his gear down and swept her into his arms. And kissed her.
“Tough night, dear?”
“There was a storm, my love. It wasn’t great for driving.”
She kissed him again. Took his hand and led him to the fireplace. He sat down and she helped him take his boots off. Then she rubbed the arches of his feet, Where he had been saying that the boots didn’t support him enough. Though he didn’t think that any boot could do better. Unless they were hand made just for him. He moaned and said, “That’s the spot”. She smiled. She knew that, but it was nice to hear that she was doing a good job.
“Other than the storm, did everything else go well?”
“There were some hiccups, but nothing too bad. I had to call a worker onto the carpet. I don’t really like doing that. But it needed to be said.”
“What was the problem?” She went around behind him and rubbed his neck. He was really tense. She could feel the balls of stress. She frowned. Ok, so he had taken it badly. Probably worse than the recalcitrant worker had. Though they were a loyal bunch. Hmmm, she’d have to peek around when he was sleeping. See if everything was ok.
“Nothing major. Just sloppy work.”
While his head was lolling into her hands, she rubbed some more. “Are you in the mood for something to eat?” She knew sometimes he needed to sleep first. Or his stomach got upset. This time of year was so stressful on him.
“Maybe a cup of soup and toast?”
“I’ll get that for you.”
“Just a minute. There’s something I need more than food.”
“What’s that, dear?”
He grabbed her and pulled her onto his lap. “You!” And he kissed her. She could feel his need under her bottom. So she squirmed a bit to tease him. He laughed and slapped her butt cheek. “Tease!”
She giggled and said, “Not for long…” and she winked.
He lifted her higher into his arms and stood up. Carried her to the bedroom. And laid her gently on the bed. “Are you into this, darling?”
“With you? Always!” She grabbed the hem of his shirt and yanked it off him. As he did hers. They slipped out of their own pants then met in the middle of the bed. For some serious kissing. And feeling each other up.
When she couldn’t stand it anymore, she bumped into his groin gently. It was his cue to slip into her. One slow long sweep into her and he had to set his teeth so he didn’t cum. Not yet.
When he was ready, the rhythm began. It was like they were grooving to the same song. She always thought it was the song they first danced to, The one that they had had played at their wedding. When they were young and in love. It felt like the same one anyway. She had never asked though. She just hoped it was. It meant a lot to her.
Finally, he started to move a bit faster and she stayed with him, till they both came.
He stroked her face and hair gently.
Then he said, “I love you so much, Mrs Claus!” And buried his face into her neck. She could feel him finally relax and as she heard him start to purr-snore, she said, “I love you too, my darling Santa.”

was that really the snow queen? (xmas erotica)

Was that Really the Snow Queen?

I went skating with a few friends to spend some time with them over the holidays. It was a crispy day and we were glad we had dressed so warm. (Do people outside snow territory know what I mean by crispy?)
We had sweaters and sweaters underneath the sweaters plus our parkas and long sleeved shirts on. A couple pairs of pants, and some people wore ski pants as well. And thick boots till we got to the park’s skating rink to put on our skates. I had a couple pairs of thick socks on, and I wasn’t the only one. I even had a ski mask on under my toque. Plus the parka hood. And cloth mitts under our fur lined plastic ones. Yeah we were dressed warm.
We started to skate. Joking around and twirling each other and laughing at our pratfalls and play fights. Trying to do fancy moves and some dance steps when they played carols or classical music for the skaters.
Some of the carols were easier than others. Have you ever heard of TSO? They always put me in the right mood for Christmas.
Anyway, having fun.
Our group hadn’t known that there was to be a playlet of Hans Christian Andersen’s work “The Snow Queen”. So when people came onto the ice in costumes of flowers, crows, a boy and girl and a beautiful woman dressed in white, we were a bit surprised. So we found a place to sit down and watch. Sheltered a bit from the wind. Of course Gerda saved Kai. I think even the Snow Queen was happy about it.
Everyone else went back to skating. But I just had to find that gorgeous woman and see if she liked my flirt game.
It seems she did! More than liked it. We found a storage pod and tripped the lock on the door. And moved only what clothes we had to to feel skin a bit and access the right parts to have sex. It took quite a bit of heat from us to stay aroused and actually have sex. Only passion could have done it. Our lips practically froze together. I was wondering if she had metal in her lip gloss, the way they stuck together.
We warmed our hands on each other’s nipples and then wrapped them around each other’s groin. Then shoved our clothes aside and locked together. Pumping so we could create heat from our friction. We could see every single puff of air. And at one point I swear there were icicles in the puffs.
I asked her if she was a magical queen. She laughed and said “Maaaaybeee”. We found the energy and warmth to orgasm and quickly put our clothes to rights. Then cuddled together to get our body temperature back up.
She ran inside to change to street clothes and came skating with us for the rest of the evening.
Then back to my place to see if a warm apt would add to our passion… It did!

xmas erotica

Calling the North Pole


 
I was looking for something different to do for my jaded daughter, to convince her that Santa was real. And ended up being filled with the “spirit” myself.
I saw an ad in the paper about a toll free line to the North Pole that you could call for special arrangements for Christmas and decided to call. See what it was about.
I dialed the digits 1-888- JOY – HOHO and listened to the ringing for a few bells.  Then the mssg came on …
> all our operators are busy. It’s a crazy, joy-filled time of year. Please be patient and listen to this song.
[Santa Claus is coming to town][https://youtu.be/1xOe4GRyebo]
My toes were tapping and I hummed along. Whatever else I felt about Christmas, I always have loved the music. Esp when I was young and when my kid was young as well.
When that song was over, there was another mssg…
> thank you for waiting.  Our operators are  excited by the demand for their attention. They hope you are too. While you are waiting, here is another song to listen to.
[Rudolph the red nosed reindeer][https://youtu.be/0byH9h1ClBY]
Ah yes, the story of Rudolph.  It always struck me as a bit sad. Poor young Rudolph, ostracized for being different till it was useful to Santa during a storm. Have you seen the cartoon where he meets the Abominable Snowman and goes to the island of misfit toys?  So sad.  When the song was over, the operator came back on with this mssg…
> The queu is getting smaller and you are obviously on the good list, since you are willing to bear with us.  We will be with you as soon as possible. I’m sure you’re looking forward to the holiday. Here’s another song to listen to while you wait.
[12 days of Christmas][https://youtu.be/oyEyMjdD2uk]
Just as this song wrapped up, I heard a knock at my door. Good thing I had a cordless phone. I went to the door to answer it and saw a man I didn’t know standing there. I said “hello” and smiled.
He said his name was Nicolas and he was a representative from the UPS delivery service.  They had a pkg for me. Would I sign for it?  I said “of course!”  He told me to be a good girl and wait till Christmas to open it and asked me if I promised to do that.  I smiled and promised. . Nicolas left.
I paid attention to the song that was playing on the phone.  It was
[the holly and the ivy][https://youtu.be/57l6dSbVppM]
When it was done, the mssg came on.
> We’re sorry you have been waiting so long, but you are at the top of the list now.  Not much longer to wait… Our operator is looking forward to chatting with you soon.
 I put the unopened pkg under the tree and it honestly slipped my mind. I was into the music and just having fun, humming along.  My daughter banged into the house and waved, as she ran up the stairs to her room.  I managed to get a smile to her and get one back as she ran.
The song had switched to
[have a holly jolly Christmas][https://youtu.be/nVMCUtsmWmQ]
When it was over, the operator came on the line.
>  Hello, my name is Chris. how may I serve you this evening?
 I placed my order with him. I was laughing and joking with him about the gimic they had for those waiting for a human voice.  It had made being on hold a bit more fun for me. I asked him if there were any gifts for adult women who still loved Christmas?  He said “of course!” and made a few suggestions.  Like lingerie and jewelry. I laughed and said I was kidding.  With the gifts for my kid, I was going to be tapped out.  Chris took down my credit card details and wished me a Merry Christmas.
I heard the song
[sleigh ride][https://youtu.be/Qyl29bCmjmg]
begin as we said good bye.
It was on Christmas eve when I placed this call  I had dinner with my kid and had an early night.  As I fell asleep, for some reason, the story
[twas the night before Christmas][https://youtu.be/p46XbyC_5ao]  was running thru my head.  I happily fell asleep to that.
I dreamt of Nick coming to my house in the dead of the night, with sexy lingerie he wanted me to model for him. He was wearing a red bikini with furry red suspenders on to make it festive to the season. As well as white knee high boots.  My lingerie was black. He said it was because I was a naughty girl and he wanted to show me how they were treated in the North Pole.   I laughed and said ok so long as it wasn’t a spanking.  It wasn’t.
Instead Nick gave me a tongue bath, head to toe. When he finally coaxed my orgasm from me, I managed to ask what good girls got when they were my age.  He laughed and said they got toys.  Nick was supposed to reform the bad girls.  He slowly and very meanly put his cock in my vajay and we rocked each other’s world. When we were done, I asked him if I could have more convincing.  He said “anytime!”   I fell asleep, laughing,  in his arms.
In the morning, I woke up alone.  Thinking I had had a really cool dream. I was smiling all day.  My kid and I finally got around to exchanging our presents and I told her about the call and the carols. Told her there was more coming. All set to go into the kitchen, I was hailed back by my kid.  She was holding a UPS pkg  Asked me what it was. “Oh I forgot!.  I went back to the tree and saw my name on the pkg.  I opened it and saw the black lingerie I had worn in my dreams.  I could feel my face changing colour. I was startled. How the hell??
My kid wanted to know who had sent the outfit. The card said Santa. I had no clue!

Sexy Carolling

The first thing I heard out of their mouths, to let me know they were on my porch, was the song [here we come a caroling][https://youtu.be/in6XgUNWlMM] .  So I stood up and went to greet them with a plate of cookies and a carafe each of coffee and hot chocolate. And dixie cups of course. Partly because I’m kind and they were probably cold, and partly because I wanted to shut them up.  SOOOO not in the mood for carols. By the time I got to the porch, they began [good king Wenceslas][https://youtu.be/bMmxhhfQw0c] .  Well at least they weren’t doing deeply religious songs, right?  I could live with a little jiggy stuff. I handed around the cookies, and that is when I saw him. He was cold!  His cheeks were ruddy and the rest of his face was as well! Just my type though and my eyes lit up.  He was looking at me like I was his next meal as well. Hmmm… I went to get more cookies! Suddenly I wanted them to stick around. [jingle bell rock][https://youtu.be/itcMLwMEeMQ] was their next choice as I served them the 2nd plate of cookies.  He winked at me as I handed him a candy cane shaped short bread cookie and smiled at him. I slipped him my number and he grinned.

I re-filled their cups and they wandered off to the next house.  I went back inside.  There!  I’d done my good deed and who knows, he might be my present for it. We’d see.

I was sitting back in my chair and had just picked up my book again, when I heard a knock at my back door.

When I answered it, it was the caroller!  I invited him in and we introduced ourselves.  He was Mike.  I gave him a hand warmer pad and a cup of coffee. I noticed earlier that he had preferred that to the hot chocolate. He asked if I wanted another carol.  I just laughed and said “no thanks!” He didn’t listen and started singing [you’re a mean one, Mr Grinch][https://youtu.be/tWFaP1tkGgM] and we both laughed while he was singing.  Must have been a challenge to sing and laugh at the same time.  I decided to stop him by giving him a kiss. That has never failed to stop a man from singing before.  And it didn’t now either.  He kissed me back.

It was a good thing his skin was warm by then, because we started cuddling, kissing more, macking on each other…  all that.  And he went from man to octopus, of course.  But I had no complaints.  I was Mrs Octopus!

I shoved him onto the couch and we were grinding at each other and somehow managing to get our clothes off as well. As soon as we both had our pants off, he slipped his cock into me and we were rocking each other’s world in no time. Then he picked me up and asked me where the bed was.  I pointed him in the right direction and he carried me, with my legs around his hips. His cock still inside me.  All the way to my bed. Where he laid me down and started really fucking me again. It was a screamer for sure!  For both of us.

After our joining, he held me in his arms. And asked if I ever sang.  I said yes, and considering the circumstance, I started to sing [Santa, Baby][https://youtu.be/jFMyF9fDKzE] ,  channeling my inner Eartha Kitt.  He thought that was pretty sexy.

Mike had to go.  But before he did, he made sure I had his number and asked if we could get together again.  I thought that was a great idea, so of course, I said yes.

I found myself humming carols after he left.  So all it took to get me in the mood for Christmas was to get laid?  Well then… something to keep in mind!  lol

Dear Nutcracker

I was on a shopping trip at my local mall. And came upon a living village. There were elves, dancers, a choir and nutcrackers/toy soldiers standing guard. In attitude, they were much like the guards at Buckingham Palace.
Somebody had gone to a lot of work and the players had really practiced hard for this day. They were perfectly synchronized. Kids and their parents were enjoying the show, laughing and singing along with the choir. It was so cool, I stopped as well, even though I wasn’t really in the Christmas mood.
One of the nutcracker/soldiers caught my eye. He was so cute in his costume. Not that he would have been ugly out of it. But he was a great advertisement of what the day was about. In looks.
So I found myself staring at him. And soon I attracted his attention. When the attention of the crowd was elsewhere, he handed me his cell phone number. And I smiled and left. But not before I sent him a text saying I thought he was cute too.
I went further into the mall to make my purchases. I finished in about an hour. Just in time for the live village to take a break. So I swung around there to see if I could find my nutcracker.
He wasn’t at the village. So I went outside to my van. Only to see him casually smoking a cigarette at the mall doors. I strolled over to see if he wanted to talk. Apparently that wasn’t what he had in mind. He asked if I had a car we could go to. He wanted to make out. Plus.
So I said heck yeah and grabbed his hand. We almost ran to it in our hurry. Giggling all the way. He kissed me as I tried to unlock the door. It seemed like it took forever to get the heavy side door open and get inside with it shut.
But we got there. And started macking on each other as we took our clothes off. (Don’t worry, I have smoked glass in the windows and good shocks!) The seats were down, cuzz I hadn’t been sure what size of pkgs I would have. Fortunately they weren’t that big, so they fit in the front seat.
We had plenty of space to stretch out, while he was pawing me up like there was no tomorrow. It was like we were rushing toward sex. Like we were starving for it. I was almost burning for him and he looked like he was going to explode any second. So he grabbed me, threw me over and entered me. We were banging at each other, slurping and moaning was all you could hear. Until I planted my teeth in his arm and used it as a gag for my screams. I barely heard him say “Jesus!” in pain. We both started coming and that was the last thing that really stood out for me. Him venting about my bite.
But we weren’t done yet.
He kept shoving into me, after his orgasm. Like he had more to go. And he did too. I was staying pretty warm as well. So it didn’t take long for a second round of orgasms. And his poor arm took another bite. This time the last thing I heard was “holy fuck!”, but there was nothing I could do to stop myself or help him.
We managed to settle down and began kissing again, but in a more gentle way. Kissing and stroking each other. It was so erotic.
I was finally at a place where I could care about his arm. So I looked at it and gasped in horror. He was going to have a heck of a bruise tomorrow. It almost looked like a snowman shape, with the teeth marks. We laughed about the spirit of Christmas getting into us. I said something about me being possessed by it.
He looked at his watch and said he had to go. There was another show that evening and the cast had to meet first for director’s notes. He asked if I’d be around later. I blushed and said I sure could be, So he kissed my cheek and got out of the van.
I went to get rid of my pkgs and have something to eat. I had a feeling I’d need the energy later.

Dear Santa’s Elf

I got to the mall, early on a Sunday morning. Yes I crawled out of bed early on my day off to go shopping! Sue me!
When I arrived, there weren’t too many shoppers. So I was puttering around at first. Ducking into this shop or that. Till I noticed there were more people about, esp kids. So it being “that time of year and all”, Santa came to the xmas kiosk and the kiddies cheered. A few screamed and cried. But hey fantasy is hard to deal with in real life when you are small. It can be scary.
While everyone else was wrapped up by the store Santa and all his ho ho’s, I noticed one of his elves.
What can I say? Felt slippers and hat with bells tinkling, striped stockings and a fitted body suit. It got my imagination working on the sexy channel lol. But I might be a bit weird that way. I like the nutcrackers in the ballet better than the swans a leaping.
Looking at her frame, I wondered if she bound her breasts to lend some ambiguity to the suit. For the kids, you don’t always want curves busting out of the clothes, do you?
Whatever…she had definitely grabbed my attention and imagination. I found myself staring. Well she caught me and boy did my face go red! She winked and smiled at me. So I hung around awhile…
When she had a break in the line of kids clammering for their moment with Santa, she came over and we chatted a bit. The “hello, how are you, what’s a girl like you doing in an elf suit, what’s a guy like you doing at the mall, getting to know you” stuff you do in such a situation. (Do people often do this?)
The elf was good enough to take the lead in our chatting, cuzz I’m a shy guy with a crush on an elf. Near Santa. Ugh! Yeah she was at the helm of the sleigh on this one!
When she had to go back, she asked if I would be around when she had her break. I said I sure could be… So she asked me to meet her at the food court. I kept wandering the shops but returning to the kiosk to see if she was still busy. She usually saw me and waved.
Finally the elf was done with her shift and waved me over. I jogged over and she asked me to meet her at the mall washrooms’ area instead. There was a North Pole washroom for the Xmas people to change in. So the kids didn’t see it.
When I got there, the elf grabbed my hand and led me into that bathroom. And actually started kissing me! I was kissing an elf! Xmas would never be the same again! lol
There was a bigger stall in the back for people with chairs or scooters and the elf dragged me into that. I got a chance to find out if she bound her breasts. She did! I played elf’s maid and helped her undo the binding. Out popped her lovely breasts. I was touching an elf’s breast! I looked around guiltily in case Santa was watching. I’m pretty sure I’ll be on his naughty list!
The elf and I managed to get her body suit down and my hands decided for themselves to explore her luscious butt and between her legs. (Is that area called the same things if it’s on an elf??) But whatever it’s called, elves get wet there! So my toy soldier went in for the kill. And there in the bathroom, an elf was shoved up against the wall and bumped uglies with an adoring fan. (grins). It was hot to us, ok??
I was gentleman enough to be sure the pole diving succeeded in her having a holly jolly good time before I got off. And stroke and cuddle her down from her high. Our high.
The elf asked me to get her clothes out of the lockers they had put in for the “visitors from the North Pole” and she became a normal person walking down any street anywhere. The fantasy was definitely over. But oh did I have a memory!
We exchanged emails and kiks. And now and then, I send her a special header, so she knows I’m thinking of that Xmas shopping trip.
“Dear Santa’s Elf…” and she knows I want to see her in green again. Felt slippers and hat with bells on. Haha! She comes to me with bells on. Striped socks and all.
I had sex with an elf! And seems it will be a thing from now on. I wonder if Santa knows? His elf is a bad, bad girl!

paints and all (a story)

Paints and All

There was nothing atypical about her. Melanie was pretty and tried to get by on her looks. Not superstar model pretty, but cute and most people liked having her on their arm. So she thought she could get most anything in life, with a smile or pout. Maybe a little flirting. Or God forbid, a tear if they were really stubborn.
Melanie was often given gifts by men, so they could spend time with her. So she hardly had to work. She lived the life of a courtesan in many ways. Except sex.
There were the “dear friends” who paid her rent and other bills. So they could have an evening with her alone. They took her to fancy restaurants and to art events. So she became “seen” around town. Fell into an art crowd. And met the guy who finally reached her heart.

Richard. (sighs)

He was a starving artist. Richard had a studio apt, with a small kitchenette, a bathroom and his bed-sit room. He barely had room for his easel. So Melanie offered him a room at her flat. And became his favourite model. At first with her clothes on, of course. When she started letting him paint her nude, she had them made into lithographs and had her friends buy copies of them. They became closer. But not lovers. Her friends were quite insistent that she could not sleep with a man if she wanted their continued support. And she did. Richard wasn’t particulary thrilled by that, but it was to his advantage. So he put up with it.

Melanie. (sighs)

Ah yes, young love. A little varied, but oh well lol.

All was well, in this odd relationship. Till a “friend” got too adamant about what he was owed. And presented Melanie with a due bill. He wanted sex with her or she was cut off. He was done waiting. He didn’t ask. He just told her time was up. Nothing Melanie did could stop him and Richard wasn’t in the apt. She was raped.

She screamed for Richard! but he didn’t hear.

He didn’t find her till hours later. She was nude, bloody and bruised. Almost unconscious. Her voice hoarse from calling for him. He heard her tale of woe and helped her clean up. Then told her why they couldn’t change anything. Why the police couldn’t be told. He was finally getting some notice in the art world.
Melanie just stared at him and her love evaporated. As if it had never existed. And he saw it happen in her eyes, in that second.
Melanie walked out of the apt and never went back.
She never saw Richard or any of her friends again.
She got onto a bus and left the town she had always known, to begin again. This time, she knew that her looks might get her everything she ever wanted. But there was a price to be paid.

Richard was left alone. By the end of the month, he was back to his studio apt. With no golden goose. All Melanie’s friends abandoned him. He actually had to get a “real job”. He had traded Melanie for nothing. And he was sorry now.

Most nights he cried, “Melanie, come back!”

He wanted just one more chance. Now he knew, without her he was a flash in a pan. But Melanie never heard his cry. She never cared about him again either.

The Larger Principles of the Dominance Relationship

The Larger Principles of the Dominance Relationship

Looking at the gestalt of BDSM.

  • the first rule of dominance is to control yourself. Which means IMO that it is important to know what emotional state you are in. Before you approach relationships or pick up play. If you are angry or disappointed for eg, you might want to meditate. Your emotional state is not about the sub standing before you. They are not at fault ever for your lack of control. You are!
  • BDSM is about a relationship: with a person of emotions, intelligence, and spirituality as well as the sexual and physical aspects of play. If you don’t even like this person as they stand before you, why are you playing with them?
  • The core point of BDSM is self growth. Which to me means that you have to be learning and progressing yourself. As well as helping/leading/ guiding/supporting your sub in their goals for themselves and the relationship. Stagnance is the enemy. A positive frame is key when you lead.
  • Nothing gets done overnight. It’s a journey of 1000 steps. A dance of timing, rhythm and caring. Where you cooperate with your partner and protect yourself and them.
  • Be sure you have their informed consent for what you want to do. Not only the activity, but also the impact the activity will have on them. If you and they agree something can be engaged in, fine. But if for example the person has a history of abuse, or is at a vulnerable space in their life, things have a bigger impact on their self esteem. eg. Calling one sub a slut might strike them as funny or cute, but might destroy another’s soul. You have to know that.
  • Go in steps! It’s not likely ever to be good to go from zero to hero. Break things down into pieces so you know how they and you cope and work together. How you interact with each other. Before you put the whole thing together and do the lot.
  • The dynamics come in different forms, so don’t presume yours is the be-all and end-all of them. They can be varied by gender, sexual ID, who is the dom and who is the sub. Power shifts, given those variances. For eg, when the dom is male, there is an assumption that the dom is safe, physically and sexually, when the sub is female. This isn’t always the case. What you advise them may not keep them safe.
  • It takes two (minimum) to build a relationship. It takes both of your commitment and effort. That changes/fluxes so there are times when it feels like one carries more weight than the other. As long as you are committed to doing the work together, and protecting your relationship as if it’s another being, you should be fine.
  • I know you want to fight the vanilla, but it’s still relevant to your relationship. And you still may have to deal with vanilla in the larger world. Plus things like going out to dinner, dancing, a movie, build the romance you might need when your sexual energy is low. And to keep things varied. Even a sense of humour might be critical when stuff happens in the D/s aspects of your life. so don’t let go of that.
  • Don’t make the other person into a mythical being. Yes you love, like and lust for them. But under all that glow is a person who will fail and disappoint you. They will cause you pain. They will bore you! There will be slumps. Be in it to win it. Or be just play partners.

Folie a Deux (a story)

 

Folie à deux

Macey and Stacey were sisters, They were raised to wear the same clothes, do their hair the same way, and enjoy the same things, whether or not they did. Yet they were not twins.Their mother put one to bed if the other was sick, When Macey had cancer, Stacey was treated as well. But she didn’t have cancer. Because their mother was a doctor, she could get the stuff needed.
Stacey almost died because Macey was sick. It was a good thing Macey recovered or Stacey would have died for nothing.
Their mother always swore she would treat her kids exactly rhe same. Apparently even it if killed them. Or one of them anyway.
So when they grew up, Stacey and Macey were more under the impression that they were alike, than they actually were. So they continued to live their life exactly the same way. They married twins, planned their pregnancies at the same time. Hired the same nanny to watch both their kids, worked at the same job type, in the same firm… Wore the same clothes, did their hair the same way.
And saw their mother, instead of an outsider doctor.
When Macey’s cancer came back, Stacey was so indoctrinated that even as an adult, she took the treatment as well. And almost died again. If it hadn’t been for her husband, she would have. He took her to the hospital for tests. One where her mother didn’t have privileges. They said other than being horribly full of chemicals that she didn’t need and being lethargic, she was fine. It took months of psychiatric care for Stacey to individuate from her mother and sister and become her own person.
Then she had to start again. Stacey had to become something, someone other than Macey’s twin.
You would think that their mother would be charged, right? Or even put into a program of some sort? Oh no! “She thought she was doing the right thing”.
With Stacey now treated, Macey and their mom went about acting as if Stacey had died of the cancer that Macey had. Stacey no longer existed. They couldn’t wrap their heads around her having individuated.
They had a funeral for her, which everyone else refused to attend. So they wailed and gnashed their teeth, just the two of them. And Stacey spent the day crying in her husband’s arms. Wanting to know if he’d done her any favours. He gently reminded her about their kids and their life together. And told her they would come around in time. But whenever Stacey saw them in town, they walked away from her. Refused to take her calls or answer when she wrote a letter. No amount of time changed things.
Stacey had died. To only Macey and their mom. Nobody could talk them out of it. Macey’s husband left her and got custody of the kids. They remained close to Aunt Stacey. Closer than their mom. Macey blamed their grief for the breakup of her family. Nothing broke the delusion she and her mother shared. Macey and her mother moved into a house together and wailed about the lack of support they got from their family after Stacey’s death.
Till the days they died.
Stacey went to each of their funerals and mourned for them. But finally she could put their delusion behind her. And freely smile.