Other People’s Experience isn’t Yours

Other People’s Experience isn’t Yours

Whatever it is that you’re talking about, please take a step back and realize that even if they live in the same country as you do, there may be a large difference between how they were raised and experience the world and how you do.

My most common complaint about fetlife is the Americanization of a Canadian site and how often it’s expected that my views should be the same as yours. We may be similar, but we’re not the same.

Then I get the Christian brigade who want me to have their faith, to which I say that’s how I was raised. But I’m like the devil quoting the Bible. I know the words, I used to have the faith. But I don’t anymore. And that goes beyond annoying for me when I see people judge others who aren’t and never were Christian by the articles within the Christian faith. The world is not homogenous.

And today’s women think we all have to be bold and confident and wear immodest clothes. If any at all. We don’t. Some of us were raised in very sheltered ways that would seem like we were frozen in the 13th century. And what you display is so shocking and would get us excommunicated, our kids ripped from our arms, divorced and separated from our families. Never able to see them or talk to them again. Dumped into a world that we were told all our lives is evil, and near suicidal in our feeling alienated and struggling just to breathe.

Most of us are somewhere between black and white, or we have close loved ones that are and we watch as they are hurt, in the news and social media, and in real life.


As I’ve said before, I was raised in a very small hamlet. Surrounded by extended family at church, at school and at home. All I knew of the world was that it was evil. And in the paper and on the news were really good examples why this was said from the pulpit. There was war, greed, and so many other evils it was right that we were told to keep ourselves separate. So we did as the bishop, elders and pastor told us to. We did as our parents said with our little rebellions in a way they would likely never find out. Or away from home. So we weren’t taken from all we knew.

As I’ve said before, in my rearing gender was something that was very linear. Girls and women did the housework and gardening, boys and men did the outside work and dealt with the evil world so we were safe.

Women wore ‘modest’ clothes, kept to ourselves and were limited in our interactions with anyone who could tell us that we were being stunted and harmed by those who claimed they were protecting us.

If we disagreed, if we failed to follow their lead, we were punished. By our peers, by our family. If we weren’t quiet, and respectful of them, we weren’t divorced. We were shunned, kicked out of the family and our entire world was taken from us. We were taken from ourselves.


This is the context of culture and faith to many women around the world. Jews, Muslems, Hindu, and yes some Christians (Amish, Mennonites, Hutterites, Mormons…)

So restricted and kept subservient to their whim by our gender.


And after we do leave, we don’t always throw away what was confining us. But we do often stay very firm in what gender means to us. We fought hard to raise our voices as girls and women, to re-parent ourselves and do the work.

We fought hard to be girls and women. So when we speak about who we are, we speak as girls and women. Which may seem abrasive to you, esp if you’ve had your own struggle of acceptance in the broader world (ie race, gender, sexuality). But, just know….

it isn’t about you!!

It’s about finding us. We don’t hate you. In fact we get intimately how hard the struggle is to be just who we are against a hostile world.

We’re finally finding our voices and we need to talk and feel about it to be free. For the first time in our lives.

I hope you’ll pardon our stepping on your toes and try to remember what it felt like when you were working toward your own freedom, instead of calling us names and telling us we’re doing something wrong.

we need to be girls and women!

And we need to shout that that is ok from the rooftops till we believe it for ourselves. We don’t all have the same journey to that place as you do.

The Triad of Humanity, the Watchers and the Nephilim (a story/ish)

The Triad of Humanity, the Watchers and the Nephilim

the Biblical(ish) version

Once upon a time ago, there were a group of seven angels whose duty was to watch humanity. Which you’d think would be a fun and easy job for angels, right? And maybe they would end up loving or hating them, maybe they’d be apathetic. Any of these could happen and often do when one being has power over another, or feels superior.

And sometimes the act of watching breeds aversion or desire too. Some come to care far too much for their charges. And they start to want to teach them things. Things that make their lives a little bit easier. Things their charges shouldn’t really know yet? Building gratitude and protection dynamics between the angel and his charge.

So into this feeling, the angels and the women lay together and bred children. The angels knew they had done wrong by the gods and the women, and hid. But the avenging angels of the heavens came and found them. They were tossed out of heaven, put into a cauldron and bound. The cauldron was covered with rocks, until time was ended and they would be cast into the below to rule their human concubines and their children.


One of the watchers heard of the plot to kill the Nephilim and warned his brothers in time. Nothing stays secret long in even the heavens it seems.

They gathered their concubines and their children and with all their infernal power created a separate heaven that had spells at the door to ward off the avenging angels. And they lived there in happiness and peace. Assisting humanity when they could. These beings taught us many things. The weapons of war and technology, the arts of science and religion, and the paths of wisdom and philosophy.

And into that was born the close alliance between the watchers, the Nephilim and humanity. Out of which came one. Who forever separated the gods and their supplicants. Who caused the chasm between all the heavens and the earth.

It was foretold long ago that such as he would come. Neither angel, or human. Both and neither. A giant who would spread discord and passion devoid of religion and worship.

And he would begin the end times.


Humanity saw what was coming and gathered their resources to protect themselves. They stopped using what the watchers had taught them and returned to the gods. To a simpler life where faith and grace were the words and actions. Where nature was the only law.

And the angels of the gods came to pray for these souls and created the counsel of elders, ascended humans who were tasked with advising seekers on matters of faith and nature, Who spent their days and nights watching and praying for humanity.

The counsel never forgot what being human was like, and at least they had been. Unlike the watchers and the angels of the gods.

Humanity was much better off under their guidance and thrived. And the gods were happy with us again.

How to Tell an Angel from a Demon (a story)

How to Tell an Angel from a Demon

Rafe and Gabe were walking across the courtyard, having a chat about their day, when they ran into Zeke. They hadn’t seen him for awhile, so they were glad to catch up with him as well. Talking about the hassles they faced, the hopes and goals they had for the near future. Hoping things would improve, but worried that they’d see worse before better.

The friends brought up people they missed, and shared happy memories. Sam joined them. He caught up quickly with the tone of their chat and was able to bring his POV into it.

The friends were kibitzing and joking, and sharing a fond humour. Lots of back slapping humour and dark irony with their exchange.

They sat down and continued their chatter. Each had a story, a joke, a friend to gossip about that the others hadn’t seen for awhile. Each had a woman to talk about that was getting more glorious in their power that they quite admired. And the others were happy to hear about.

So they were enjoying their conversation. Their laughter was easy and their banter was glorious to watch. Anyone watching them would never think of them as anything but four male friends having a relaxing afternoon of camaraderie. Something you could find in any pub or coffee shop anywhere.

And most people would smile and walk by them without a second thought.

Only those with ‘the sight’ would know that Raphael and Gabriel’s wings were white. And Azazel and Samael’s wings were black. The four had known each other since before human time began. Before the fall, they had been brothers in arms and they missed each other.

The only thing that separated them was the side they were on. They still had the same attitudes about nature, humanity and the angelic realms. They still followed the old ways. And they appreciated each others’ take on the whole thing. Nothing had really changed.

So now and then they got together to talk and see if there was something they could do to re-join the forces of the supernatural. But every time they did, they left feeling sad.

All that stood between them and their goals was the human race. And they were growing to hate us. Whichever side they were on.

Chain of Command (a story)

Chain of Command

Considering how many of the peoples have armies in a good sci fi , you’d think things would be running tight, right? Or there’d be far more court martials. Though they might be the type to shoot the guy, on the spot.

But no. Just like in any home in any galaxy, there are minor rebellions, and some insurgencies. And there are some soldiers who are brats. They’ll toe the line of the order, but if there is anyway to break it, they will.

How do you break that tendency? Make them the leader. For some reason they have no problem remembering the rules then. lol

That was what George did when he had to manage a bunch of very smart, very wilful people. He’d find ways to make them a team leader, a mentor. Or give them some kind of command. Even when they appeared to be a grunt. What they refused to remember or follow for themselves, they would for those in their charge. Which got a good amount of obedience in the ranks. And made his job MUCH easier.

And though he couldn’t make everyone an officer, he could give them medals and awards, or treats. Shove them up the good conduct ladder as fast as they obeyed him. He cut his work in half by simply sending them a note with what their good behaviour had earned them and put a copy in their file. The folder had a list of potential awards and treats, and he simply put a check beside the right one when it was achieved. So he knew at a glance how cooperative this soldier was, before he assigned them any task. So he knew who to send, and with whom.

This type of leadership also had underlings who would follow George to the ends of the earth. And into any galaxy he chose. And saved George from half the ulcers he could have had. Most of his ulcers came from above.

Which also earned him loyalty from his underlings. They saw how often he went to bat for them. And they appreciated it. A LOT.

They trusted George. And that is the sign of a good leader. Well at least one of them. He had the best minds, the hardest bodies and people who obeyed his lead. And he knew without hesitating where he could lead them.

A Shaman Traversing the Galaxies (a story)

A Shaman Traversing the Galaxies

Janet had been thru medical school, and was a specialist in all things odd. New viruses, diseases, pathogens. It’s how she had attracted the attention of the military, then the air force.

And she had a PHD in anthropology. So she had some knowledge of how cultures were formed, the symbols and languages that shaped them. Which also attracted the attention of the military. Then the air force.

But what got them hooked for her being involved in their space exploration was her personal background. She had been raised in an area that had many cultures, some accepted and some not, by authority. She had always seemed to be on the side of authority, but she befriended and worked well with anyone. She was just that type of person. And having that type of character, it made things like listening, negotiating and just getting along with new people (no matter how they looked) that little bit easier.

And Janet was right with them. She was really interested when she found out that her job would be to treat and evaluate any alien races found, and to take part in any cultural events and greetings.

So Janet picked her team. People who were good at getting along was more important than their degrees, though those were among the world’s best. And even some among the galaxies’ best.

And they went out into the stars and planets, on a special ship that had a lab and surgery to beat any she’d ever seen on earth. Which was in part due to the fact she had people on her team who introduced her to alien technology. For eg, a bar that could scan someone inside out anywhere she needed them to be scanned. And send the results to her laptop and the ship’s computer. To be assessed and send back any critical data so she could act without moving her patient.

Janet also had access to interpreters from many planets and galaxies who were quickly able to translate what she didn’t know herself.

The inhabitants of many places who didn’t believe in science called her a shaman (or their name for that role) rather than a doctor. Not that she was, technically. But that was their schema. So she tolerated it. And she tried to work within their frame of reference, using plants where possible and making what had to be done seem magical rather than scientific.

Looking back at all her diligence and dreams that had led her to this moment, this job, this dream career, she was thrilled. Janet was doing something few people would ever be offered, let alone achieve. And along with awe, she felt gratitude.

When Some Aliens are Apex Predators (a story)

When Some Aliens are Apex Predators

How do you see someone who is so powerful in character and strength that they can succeed at most things you can’t even try without wheezing? How long did it take them to become this version of themselves? So determined, so sure of themselves, so focused. Thinking they were so right about everything, and usually actually right.

And then taking that step farther, grabbing and relishing everything they wanted. It wasn’t so much about being greedy or unkind. More about getting to the front of the line, being a leader, the toughest of the tough, the best.

This was who El was. He had a crew of younglings who wanted to learn from him, a harem of women who wanted to sleep with him. And most people gave into his commands, just to avoid a fight. To keep him sweet. Because most people had seen what he was like when he was angry. And nobody wanted him angry with them. So El thought he had lots of friends.

But did he?

Did it matter?

Not so much to El. He wandered the stars, and gathered what he wanted. He didn’t set out to hurt anyone, but he didn’t tolerate people who stood in his way. Be they someone he thought of as friend or foe. He also didn’t care if he hurt someone. They stood in his way after all. Which was pretty stupid of them.

El collected whatever toys and gadgets made his mission of conquest easier. He collected friends who made his life easier. And lovers who made him look attractive when he was with them. It was all about El.

It wasn’t that he was looking for their submission, because El liked the challenge, the conquest, the game. What good would it do him if no one stood up to him? He didn’t go against someone who would actually have no shot at it either. He wanted to meet strength with strength. Someone who was his peer could stand up to him. Or at least try.

El didn’t ask anyone to call him a god, or even a lord. But many did. And it let El know which he could count on. Only those who had stood up to him and given their best could even call him a master. But that was of craft, not of sycophancy.

El didn’t have to prove himself to anyone. Which is exactly how he did.

The Observers (a story)

The Observers

Once upon a time ago, after the people were spread about to populate a galaxy or two, we sat back to watch how things we had set in motion unfolded.

Some of the people were mild and settled into their new homes quite nicely. They hunted, fished, farmed and helped each other. They made kinships and friendships and had some fun. Which we were quite happy to see.

Some of the people explored their nearby planets and traded with them. They seemed more adventurous than some, which was fine. As long as they minded their manners and let everyone be at their own pace. They mostly did, so we just kept an eye on them.

But some of the people seemed hungry. Nothing they had was enough. They wanted what they saw that others had. If they helped others, they wanted something in return. Esp if they got more than they gave. They wanted the best. They sorted till they got it too. There were many times when we felt we had to compensate for what these greedy people did. In ways they wouldn’t notice but evened out the balance for those who were left with less.

We were afraid to leave things like this, so we introduced a predator. Just to the greedy though. On their lands, in their homes. They did try to take more from their neighbours, but the predator took that as well. And we compensated those left with less.

It felt a bit like playing chess, but we couldn’t leave it alone, with people like this.

Before we left the galaxy, we gave the humble and kind the gift of magic. Just some basic works to defend themselves and those they loved. To grow things better, to heal, and to surprise their friends and family with.

Everything was fine when we checked in on these galaxies. We had made good choices in how we dealt with the people. Each managed as who they were.

The Quest (a story)

The Quest

What is it that you would search for? What would you go to another galaxy for? The adventure itself? A sense of belonging? A symbol? Would you go because you’re afraid that aliens will come and want to see how close they are? Would you look for new signs of life?

Do you have to pick one?
Does it have to be on another planet? Or in your ancient lands?

Or can it be internal, like a vision quest?


Samantha had been asking herself this for some time. She had read so many fantasy and sci-fi stories from comics and books. And watched many of the hot movies and TV shows. So she thought she knew her own answers.

Sam even took any course she could find and get accepted into on science, computer and math (cuzz along with Carl Sagan she was pretty sure the first communication would be π ). Sam also made it into the air-force. And learned how to fly anything going up. When NASA came calling, she was going to be ready.

And she had thought she was ready too.

But Sam only knew what earth could teach her. What hard sciences could tell her. And that probably would have been fine…. She had separated fact from fiction. But somewhere in her soul, she had a romantic wish to meet an alien. But she was realistic enough to know that nowhere in our galaxy was there another inhabited planet. And if there were other such places, they probably weren’t advanced enough to get to earth. Not by science or technology anyways.


But there was a thing that prosaic Sam hadn’t thought of:
Was there another way they could get here? Like maybe ….


When the Institution You Believe in, That You SHOULD Believe in, is in the Wrong.

When the Institution You Believe in, That You SHOULD Believe in, is in the Wrong.

If you are BIPOC, women or LGBTQ+, you have had times and incidents at least when you have felt shut out at least. And some of their rules and rites don’t serve you.

But what if the person/child is well within the frame of belief and practices, but still gets harmed by the leaders? What steps should that institution take to correct things? And can the govts of countries take steps to be sure they do?

North America has known for some time that children have been harmed by church leaders. And this seems to be really prevalent in the Catholic church. But some people have sloughed it off to a degree, that the nations in North America aren’t known for being Catholic. So are people misreporting events to cast aspersions on the Catholic Church?

I doubt it.

Now though, the daughter state of the Catholic church is claiming a long history of sexual abuse of children by priests and clergy. France who once housed the Pope and Vatican at Avignon .

So is it time to put some rules in place for how the Catholic church deals with child abusers who are/were clergy? These children weren’t the unholy they were trying to convert. These were their own.

How much worse can it get before the church is sanctioned?

The Capitalist Horsemen of Modernity – What was Intended to Enlighten Us – (Science, Medicine, Industry, the War Machine) Political Priority, Technology, and Mainstream Media

The Capitalist Horsemen of Modernity – What was Intended to Enlighten Us – (Science, Medicine, Industry, the War Machine) Political Priority, Technology, and Mainstream Media

Theodor W. Adorno considered mythology to be part of modern society as much as it ever has been. The dichotomy of dark and light, good and evil, reason and feeling,… And the eternal quest for power, prestige and wealth.

We get wrapped up in fear rather than wisdom. We cling to what we know and our groups instead of discovering how the world is evolving and adapting to it.

And the capitalist world seeks to confine and oppress us instead of support us as we grow. Sorting out those who ‘fit’ rather than considering the colour diversity brings to the economy and society. In tourism and trade.

And even though what occurs now serves the billionaires, you have to wonder about their morality, when you think of them. Wondering how they process the babies who die in their parents’ arms of diseases that can be prevented or easily treated, and malnutrition. Because the billionaire was more concerned about his needs than how they affect the people in the world around them.

And in many ways, you can see the clash of the Titans in the exchanges between the different factions and the world leaders as they vie for power. Not counting the bodies that their conflict and exchanges pile up.

excerpts from Stanford Univ bio on Adorno

How can the progress of modern science and medicine and industry promise to liberate people from ignorance, disease, and brutal, mind-numbing work, yet help create a world where people willingly swallow fascist ideology, knowingly practice deliberate genocide, and energetically develop lethal weapons of mass destruction? Reason, they answer, has become irrational.


the source of today’s disaster is a pattern of blind domination, domination in a triple sense: the domination of nature by human beings, the domination of nature within human beings, and, in both of these forms of domination, the domination of some human beings by others. What motivates such triple domination is an irrational fear of the unknown: “Humans believe themselves free of fear when there is no longer anything unknown. This has determined the path of demythologization … . Enlightenment is mythical fear radicalized”


The all-consuming engine driving this process is an ever-expanding capitalist economy, fed by scientific research and the latest technologies.


exchange society has three levels: politico-economic, social-psychological, and cultural. (primary – colonialism, imperialism) [add patriarchy and it’s effects on/exclusion of women, disabled, LGBTQ+ and BIPOC]


(Adorno’s) main point is that culture-industrial hypercommercialization evidences a fateful shift in the structure of all commodities and therefore in the structure of capitalism itself.


key concepts of moral philosophy (“freedom”), philosophy of history (“world spirit” and “natural history”), and metaphysics.


human thought, in achieving identity and unity, has imposed these upon objects, suppressing or ignoring their differences and diversity. Such imposition is driven by a societal formation whose exchange principle demands the equivalence (exchange value) of what is inherently nonequivalent (use value).
Adorno and Horkheimer – Dialectic of Enlightenment
Adorno – Negative Dialectics
source – Stanford Univ