are men doing more domestic labour/chores?

Why should men pick up household duties and child care?

• Because he just might want to get laid now and then?
• Because a clean house has more equity than a filthy one?
• Because his wife and he will fight less?
• Most men don’t fix or repair things that break down, or do yard work since they live in condos, apts, or townhouses with some kind of property mgmt team. Or the tools are too complex for him to know how to fix. So does he sit and watch tv while she does two jobs?
• She works now too, in more cases than not.
• And srsly last thing that she wants is a man-sized child.
• As for the kids, they’re his too!

Factors: what has changed?

… there are more tools

that take over tasks women used to do.
So how much work actually has to be done by an adult human? ie vaccum cleaner and swiffer for floors, microwave for heating meal, frozen dinners, electric irons for pressing clothes, washers and dryers for cleaning clothes…

the house sits empty

a lot of the day
and when home, they do more sleeping than anything, so the biggests tasks are dusting and laundry. The adults are at work and the kids are at a sitter’s or school.

fifty % of marriages

end in divorce,
so there are two households. Mom is not going to dad’s to clean his place.

…. resources

penn state
ncbi
splinter news
univ of Maryland
cairn-int

hidden treasures app (an erotic story)

Hidden Treasures App

Steff had had enough of being alone and sad. Enough of going to bars and trying to get over her shyness. She just wanted to get laid. So she went thru her phone’s apps and found one that seemed to be getting some attention recently in her area. There were lots of hotties in the pictures, And the minute she put her details into the site, she got lots of looks and thumbs up. And she was notified about messages within 10 minutes of joining.

At first the messages were for coffee or drinks’ dates. And srsly if she had wanted that, Steff would have joined an ordinary dating site. She just wanted to get laid. What did she have to do? Go walk down the street in stillettos and a mini skirt?

Then she got a ping…

There was a man from the site near her. It said within ten feet. Steff looked at his picture quickly and practically drooled! Gawd he was hot! She twirled around and found him. He found her. And he smiled. And started walking toward her!! She smiled back and walked towards him.

When they reached each other, he took her hand and kissed the inside of her wrist. And asked if she was game. Steff nodded. Oh yeah!

There was a motel across the road and they booked in and got their room keys.

As soon as they were inside the room, he grabbed her and placed the longest wettest kiss she had ever gotten before on her. And she practically fell at his feet. Then she did! And she unzipped him. Then blew him like he was something she had been starving for for eons! And he seemed to be into it too. What with all the groans and moans he was putting out. He pulled out long enough to cum all over her face.

Then he pushed her onto the bed and pulled her panties down from under her skirt. And dove his head in between her legs. And started lapping her like a dog at the water dish. Steff was just about to correct him, when he started sucking her clit and she bucked up into his face. Grinding into it.

He grabbed her hips and shoved his cock into her. Riding her like he was going for a drum solo rather than having sex. Steff looked at him like he had lost his mind. But then he slowed down and started acting like he knew what he was doing. There seemed to be two men in this bed with ehr. One who was crap at sex and one who knew what he was doing.

Steff was tired of the crap artist. So she flipped him over and sat on him. And made sure she had the control now. First the slow glide that drove them both a bit nuts. Then a steady rocking rhythm that worked them into a frenzy. And she started cumming in waves. And he joined her.

There! That was much better. They lay there on the bed for a few minutes, then he got up to take off the condom. And she grabbed her panties and purse and ran out the door.

They had done what she had wanted. And she wasn’t sure she wanted to talk to a perfect stranger.

a different kind of Christmas (erotica)

A different kind of Christmas

Last night had been the do for Mike and his kids. And then he had sent them off with his ex to her parents’ place. And he was prepared for his first Christmas alone. He said he didn’t want to do anything but lay back and relax. But Holly knew he wasn’t looking forward to his first Christmas without them. He had always made Christmas about them, his ex and the kids. And now there was no one to make the day special for.
So Holly decided Mike needed a lesson in receiving…
She spent most of the eve before hiding little surprises for him at her place. And arranging clues for him to find. Christmas was getting a touch of Easter. With an egg hunt of sorts. Adult style. There were edible undies, body paint, candles, massage oils… sensual aids to get him thinking of things he might like to do instead of laying around feeling sorry for himself. Realizing that lovers can have a great day alone and be a gift to each other. Maybe that was a long distant memory from before he had kids? Or maybe he’d never had this kind of Christmas before? But Holly had and she was going to share it with him.
She begged him to come over for a snack at her place. Mike almost said no, but then his giving nature came thru… for her sake. And he showed up. With a bottle of wine and some chocolates he’d managed to find in his place and wrapped. Holly blew him a kiss as she ran into the kitchen for the snack he was expecting.
Mike started with the “Hope you’re not making a fuss” speech he often began with when she cooked for him. And she said something along the lines of “the food is nothing special, not to worry, Mike!” And it wasn’t. Just a Christmas antipasto plate. Left over turkey, made into a Monte Christo sandwich and a pie she’d gotten from the grocer’s bakery. So he relaxed and ate, joking around with her. Holly was glad to see him act as if he was having fun.
But she knew he could do better.
When they were done eating, she kissed him like lovers do. And she saw the glint come into Mike’s eyes. He tried to grab her, but she skipped away. For a second she let him feel confused. Let him think he wasn’t going to get laid.
Then she handed him the note that held the first clue to the hunt. And the game was afoot!
Under cushions; behind drapery; behind knick-knacks; under her bed; in a few closets… he found things that sparked his imagination more of how they could get some joy out of this day. And she saw a genuine grin come over his face. Now he was ready. And Holly kissed him again.
Mike dragged her onto the bed. But she easily talked him into letting himself be tied, spread-eagled. She put the panties onto him and started to tease the eff out of his hide. Using the gifts she had hidden. Until Mike was squirming and begging for release.
Fnally she released the binds and he grabbed her and banged into her like she was made of concrete. Good thing she was soaked and ready for him!
Even as aroused as Mike had been, he still managed to wait till she was cumming before he began to shoot inside her. It was enough to bring another genuine smile from him. And they both tapped out in each others’ arms and napped till this Christmas day that had begun with such sad thoughts was officially over. Mike now understood he could receive and enjoy the day as much or more than just giving had given him. Just by having a different, adult play partner for the day.

The Sacred Feminine – The Path of the Goddess.

She is the creator of the world .
She has a bird or flower come to her and lay between her legs and from her loins, all of the world is born. All the forms of creation, known to humanity and those behind the veil. Some you may call fae or fairy. Some you may call angel and devil, some you may call gods. And the world as we know it begins. Because she exists.
She is the dark mother , the one who has always been, who will always be.
She is in the earth, yet not of the earth, She is in the air, yet not of the air. She is in the water, yet not of the water.
She is the mother, of us all and cares for us. Nurtures us and protects us.
She is the warrior. . Fierce and fine. Gathering her forces to protect her dear ones.
She is young and agile, strong and energetic. Her season is one of growth and verve. Imagination and innocence.
She is the maiden, the mother, and the crone and comes to you in the form needed to address your invocation. In the form you will understand.
She is your guide on your shamanic journey , or as you heal and care for those you love as a wise woman .
She is there as you perform the sacred marriage in celebration of the seasons of time and space. In celebraton of nature and the divine.
She comes to you when you need to feel the Goddess within,
She is there while you live and when you die. . She eases your journey into the afterlife. And guides your soul thru it’s next incarnations.
She is with you thru everything you can go thru in your feminine state and beyond. She meets you where you are and takes you where you must go
She is the Goddess you need, when you need her.
Blessed be.

women’s leather

Did you know there were lesbian and pan leather groups before? Here are some North American groups. If you know more, I will add them. We often hear about the gay men of leather, but not so much the women.

The Eulenspiegel Society (TES)
is the oldest and largest BDSM education and support group in the United States. The organization was founded in 1971 and is based in New York City

The Society of Janus
was founded in August 1974 by the late Cynthia Slater and Larry Olsen.

Samois 1978 to 1983
. Named from Samois-sur-Seine, the location of the fictional estate of Anne-Marie, a lesbian dominatrix character in Story of O.
In 1984 Gayle Rubin went on to form another organization called The Outcasts. The Outcasts lasted until 1997, until they too split due to infighting. A breakaway group, The Exiles, is still extant as of 2012 and carries on in the tradition of Samois and The Outcasts.[3] In 1996,

the messenger (a atory)

The Messenger

I heard a knock on my door and went to see who it was. I wasn’t expecting a visitor. So who could it be?
(Creeeeeek ! I really gotta fix that :P)
I saw the guy in his company parka, with a bundle of letters and a leather bag over his shoulder.
He said, “hello!” with a big smile on his face.
I smiled back at the hottie and said, “Can I help you?”
“I have a gift for you, you aren’t expecting. Or so I’m told?…”
“And what might that be?” I waved him inside and he grinned as he stepped thru the doorway.
“It’s a voucher for a contest you were entered in by a friend who chooses to remain anonymous. You get the informaton now. And the prize in 10 months.”
“What will the prize be?”
“It will be something you have wanted, Your friend said so anyway. They said you’d know what the prize was if I said their name. So I can’t tell you. It’s a surprise! In 10 months, you must go to this address” (he hands me a card) “and they will give you the gift.”
“Just in time for the holiday then”. I smiled and he nodded. He rubbed his hands together, but I wasn’t sure if he was still cold or anticipating my enjoyment of the gift to come.
“I have coffee on the go right now if you’re cold. And a thermal mug if you can’t stay to drink it…?”
“So kind of you, but I just had a cup. Now… you have the card, and the location of the place to get it in 10 months. Here is my card, if you lose track of this voucher.”
He stepped outside the door and waved at me. I turned my back for a second to put the voucher in my bill caddy. And when I turned around he was gone! I looked up and down the street and he was nowhere to be seen.
He must have ducked between the houses then. I laughed and said to myself, “Well whatever the gift is, it better not need nappies.”

condemning women in feminism

Rather than empowering and supporting women to make their own choices, some feminist groups seem to have become more controlling of women’s choices than those they claim to be fighting against. Esp re: specific groups of women who are trying to control their own sexuality, identity and reproduction. (Hey! Isn’t that a feminist aim??) Some feminist groups are worse than others, and there is an argument about these women as there is about pretty much anything in feminism. Feminism has a lot of arguments!

vox.com

And whether agency means autonomy as well. The female thought in political and social structures is also combative.

Standford Univ .

So what hope does the average woman have, let alone one who actually needs to test what being in control of who we are really means? Even among women?

….the prostitute –

If it were just the wo/man selling her/his wares on the street or in a house of a few, it might be a lot easier. But prostitution is often part of a gang or mob who sell many black market goods and services. Which brings things into a different light. Then you also have to wonder if s/he really is doing it for her/his own reasons, or even voluntarily.
But if you villify the prostitute and treat her/him as a criminal, you end up making things unsafe for her/him. You don’t stamp out the gang or mob though. Shouldn’t it be them you target then? What does that look like?
And what about the prostitute who is more like a date for her/his pick of a few clients? More like a courtesan or spouse than someone who picks up endless strangers on the street for their pimp? They have long lasting friendships, rather than quick and dirty sex in an alley or hotel.

…the broader sex worker –

(ie porn) Is the person acted on a free sexual agent? And does porn have a known negative, testable effect on predators, larger society? Is there a way to circumvent or mitigate these effects if they exist? Like if porn is mostly from the POV of a man acting on the woman, or man acting on a “weaker” man, then could opening up the field to female producers who write the female fantasy reduce this influence?

By pushing sex work underground, as has been done in the past, we run the risk of causing the very issues we claim to be working against… the subjucation of and death of sex trade workers. Esp when we see that we can’t prove there is in fact any negative effect. At least not from or for those who enter the field willingly.
For me, the distinction of whether it’s sexual labour or sex trafficking is if the sex worker enters the field willingly and can exhibit her/his own agency by refusing the client. If s/he has been abducted, beaten, drugged or coerced/threatened, then s/he is not autonomous, is s/he? If the lion share of the profits goes to her/his pimp, then s/he is not autonomous is s/he? But my confusion area is when the sex worker “chooses” the labour due to poverty or lack of other labours’ skills. Is that then a conscious, independent of will, choice? Or is that society’s failure?
And then there is the factor of how much of the legislation is due to the govt wanting to regulate immigration, drugs, gangs,… and how much is actually about the prostitute? And also how much of the religious condemnation of the field is from those who actually adhere to the rules of their religion themselves? Is it ideals/hypocrisy or moral authority that drives their efforts to chase away the prostitutes?

SWERFs
online and banking laws against sex trafficking actually seem to be endangering prostitutes rather than changing anything of the criminal activity
Stanford univ- feminism viewing sex trades
Amnesty Int’l

…….

….the wife and mother who stays home to care for their family –

Feminists are so concerned with the entrance into the social institutions and halls of leadership, they forget that the reason feminism began was to give women a CHOICE in how she lived her life. Phrases that exclude a woman who raises her children and takes care of her family are often judemental and minimize how much she does in a day. How many balls she juggles at a time. She is not “just” a wife or mother, in other words.

….

….the woman who remains chaste

….and the “slut” –

the social model of the madonna/whore dichotomy. Where you must be one or the other.
Rather than querying what the reasons are for her choices… Is she being influenced by a patriarchal religion that says she must be chaste for the god/temple? Is she influenced by the adherence of women to the roles of wife and mother, rather than exploring what it means to be a sexual/sensual woman? Is she responding to draconian laws, where she would be jailed minimum for being sexually free? Is her group influencing her that “if she wishes to marry, no man would have her” if she had partners prior to him? Is she concerned about competition and jealousy between her female compatriots and her? (friends and sisters)

…..

….The single woman who decides to control her own fertility choices –

whatever that is to her. The hot debate over life or abortion has lost sight of the woman who has to live with the consequences. Abortion, adoption or being a single mother… She faces people and institutions who will villify her and her child. Even women do this. It’s true she is the pregnant one who stands before you, but where is your interest in what gets done to the sperm domor in this? And why is she made to marry her rapist in any moral country?

…..

….transgender women –

Some feminist women who argue against men who say that women are hardwired to be subservient and weak in the presence of a man say they aren’t solely determined by biological factors. Then they turn around to a transgender woman and say they are determined by what gender they were born or assigned shortly afterwards. … It’s important to remember that gender goes beyond what genes you have. It also is mostly determined before your 7th birthday. As is everything else you do and are.

TERFs
WLU – on Judih Butler and Queer Theory

….

So I’m left wondering at times if our vision of what women are and what we are capable of is at times narrower than the voices of those we fight? And I believe that works counter to our struggle. I mean why would “the patriarchy” take us seriously if we have so much infighting? Something to think about IMO.
And really, “what is a woman?” anyway? Have we decided that yet?

litmus test of secrets

litmus test for keeping secrets:

Considering the AA/NA pshilosophy:

you’re only as sick as your secrets

(keep in mind that this same group has a “what gets said in group, stays in group” philosophy and only use first names)

Should we evaluate why we keep secrets, and if we should? How authentic should we be? I mean, who really and truly needs to know all of us?

• what is a secret, to you and them? (since it’s a dynamic issue) And what is privacy? What is discretion?

• is your secret(s) endangering someone? You, someone you care about (family, friends), someone who relies on your honesty (boss, teacher) to be safe and feel secure. (include stress and it’s effect on your body and mental health)

• how often could you say literally that it would kill…them to know and you to tell?

• do they need to know to protect themselves?

• do you invest a lot of time and energy to hide it from them?

• does keeping your secret sabotage the relationship? Could being honest give you a chance to work things out with them and have a better relationship after the work?

• how many do you intend to keep?

• do you trust them to keep your confidence if it’s a sensitive matter? Would it lose your marriage, your home, custody of your kids, your academic placement, your job if you told? Could you mitigate that?

• if secrets and lies are like a game of dominos, or a cheesie or chip (you cannot just have one) how many do you have to tell to keep this one secret, and can you keep it all straight? Should you? How many can your brain hold without tripping up?

….. resources

scientific american
1. psychology today
2. psychology today
indy100.com -list of commonly held secrets
the power of silence

the interactions of men and women, in feminism

As we shift from patriarchy to something that reflects the social changes of men and women in our new power dynamics, we get more men involved in feminist discussions. Which is great, when they have good intentions. But that’s not always the case.

And it’s great when we’re still the decision-makers, and they just support us, encourage us, in our efforts. As we define our roles, language, and new social dynamics. As we stand independently, on wobbly legs if we have to at first. As we see to our own safety and growth.

It’s even great when they take on the roles of teachers and mentors to us. So long as they let us learn to do it, rather than take over for us. So long as they only take that role on when we ask for their assistance.

But even the most well-meaning of men can intrude at times. Without even including those who are covering up/deflecting attention from their bad attitudes/acts or trying to act out their hero complex. (typical patterns are defined below)

We as women need to recognize the symptoms, so we can properly block anything negative that is done. So we can be our own leaders. So we can write our own destiny.
We as women don’t want to be bullied into things or sent into panic-states so they can save us either. We want to think for ourselves. We want to drive.

That’s not too much to ask is it? And if they have good intentions, men who value us will step out of the way so we can.

I believe men and women can work together in the long run. I just think women need to do some talking first. So we as women stand together when we’re ready.

…. definitions

Merriam-Webster
misogyny
a hatred of women
misandry
a hatred of men

revelator
one that reveals especially : one that reveals the will of God
redeemer
thesaurus section – one that saves from danger or destruction
synonym – savior
chivalry
1: mounted men-at-arms
2 archaic a: martial valor b: knightly skill
3: gallant or distinguished gentlemen
4: the system, spirit, or customs of medieval knighthood
5: the qualities of the ideal knight : chivalrous conduct

Urban Dictionary
white knight
1) A man who stands up for a womens right to be an absolute equal, but then steps up like a white knight to rescue her any time that equality becomes a burden.
2) A man who Promotes gender equality but practices special privilege for women.
social justice warrior
A person who uses the fight for civil rights as an excuse to be rude, condescending, and sometimes violent for the purpose of relieving their frustrations or validating their sense of unwarranted moral superiority. The behaviors of Social justice warriors usually have a negative impact on the civil rights movement, turning away potential allies and fueling the resurgence of bigoted groups that scoop up people who have been burned or turned off by social justice warriors.
virtue signalling
To take a conspicuous but essentially useless action ostensibly to support a good cause but actually to show off how much more moral you are than everybody else.

healthyplace.com
gaslighting types
the Glamour Gaslighter, creates a special world just for you.
Good-Guy Gaslighters, need to appear good and reasonable while getting their own way.
and the Intimidators .bully, withhold and guilt-trip

virtue signalling or living right

do no harm, do no evil

I’m sure you’ve heard about the three wise monkeys? It’s a tale often told when people describe how you should interact with others. But I’m not sure it adequately describes or presents what life includes.

I think behind each monkey rep or virtue signaller is often a crowd of other monkeys who throw poop, laugh and point fingers. That look like they’re smiling, but really it’s baring their teeth in rage. And in the back are the rabble rousers and spies who go from group to group, gathering intel.
Because in a world where evil is the focus, you always have evil as your focus.
What you ask for is what you get.
Esp when dealing with people you will never meet in your life. Who may or may not live in Antarctica or Iceland… What do they lose by kicking up a fuss after all?

But what if we went thru our days, looking for things other than what trolls and drama llamas wanted to show us? Is there anything else?
Yes there is! How about love?

Somewhere in all of this very human nature, when dealing with a crowd. there are a few things you have to remember to do.

• Think for yourself
• Remember to keep clear of the poop
• Never forget that whether we have hair or not, we’re still wild primates.
• Try to act like you know what love and peace are

Because mobs kill.