Dommie and the Salesman (a story)

Dommie and the Salesman

Nyel looked up as the svelt and well put together lady walked, clicking toward him. And in a look, he figured he had a fat commission check coming for him. He put an ingratiating smile on his face. And composed himself to be polite, soothing, yet vapid. He was about to upsell, bait and switch… whatever it took to get that cheque. And maybe even the best salesman, monthly plaque he’d been working toward since he got here.
Dommie took one look at him and said in her mind “ohoh schmarmy dude, watch out!” She gritted her teeth and put her game face on.
Dommie and Nyel exchanged pleasantries. And he asked how he could be of service. She said, “I’m here to get my phone repaired.”
Nyel took the phone and said, “Well it’s no wonder you’re having issues! This phone is so last century! Does it come with a wall mount?”
Dommie looked at him firmly. “I want my phone fixed and if you won’t do that, I’ll go to your competitor.”
“You could get so many more bells and whistles if you upgraded though. Our new package is every businesswoman’s best friend.” He showed her a pamphlet and there was a shiny new phone for her to see.
“I believe I said I need my current phone repaired.”
“What will you do while it’s away getting repaired? You could take this new phone on trial for a small fee till your phone comes back. But you’ll fall in love with it, I promise. You won’t want your old thing back.”
“No thanks, I have another phone. I’ll use it while you repair this phone. This is all I came for today.”
“We can give you a discount on the new phone, since you’re a loyal customer of ours. There’s a sale on and I am authorized to give you a further 5% off as incentive.”
“No thank you. I want this phone repaired. That is all I want. And if you won’t give me what I asked for, I’ll go to your competitor. Have I made myself clear?”
“Ok so that new phone isn’t your cup of tea. We have this one.” Nyel pulled out another pamphlet and shoved it toward Dommie. She left it on the counter and stared at him, till he coughed and said, “Ma’am I really am trying to help you.”
“No, What you are trying to do is give me anything but what I asked you for. We have two options now. Either we fill out a repair chit, or I go to your competitor and ask them to do the repair work. Which will it be?”
“How about this phone? The colour will match your suit so well!”
Dommie paused and stared at Nyel. “That might be relevant if I wore this suit every day, or even this colour everyday. But I don’t. Would you please find a repair chit? Or am I leaving?”
Dommie started to mentally count backwards from ten, while staring at Nyel. Nyel handed her the chit she asked for. “But ma’am there are so many better options today. Why would you want to keep this old one?”
Dommie started to fill out the chit, ignoring the question. When she was finished, she asked, “Do you have insurance for the price and inconvenience if something happens in shipping or process if you cannot fix it?”
Nyel handed her a card and said, “We do have a warantee you can read here. But you’d get better value with one of these upgrades.”
Dommie took the card and asked, “How long will the repairs take?”
“About a week” Nyel’s face sunk as he realized his hopes were dashed with this customer. “You can call tomorrow and get a better idea after they have seen the phone and figured out the issues.”
Dommie smiled and said “Thank you, I’ll do just that.” She turned and walked out of the store. Leaving Nyel defeated.


strength and gender

strength and gender

Q – who do you want to carry you from a burning bldg?

my personal experience

From the time I was 16-25 years of age, I worked as a nurse’s aide in nursing and retirement homes for the aged. Our day was spent obv caring for them. Which included lifting them from pillar to post. Chair to bed, to toilet, to bath and back. The average patient was 100-150 lbs. At least 3-4 times a shift, we did toileting which took about an hour each. Of every five minutes, two of us lifting this person twice. Average weight we carried for 2-3 steps was 50-75 lbs each. We did have a hoyer lift, but rarely used it. Only for people who exceeded our usual range.
Most of the staff were female. In that time I worked with maybe 3-4 men.
My point is that we all were capable of doing the lifting. For 8-12 hour shifts. Nobody questioned our ability, or hired guys to take over that aspect of our job. On being hired, the charge nurse made sure we knew how to lift right, so we didn’t hurt ourselves or the patient/resident. We were told repeatedly that “you lift with your legs”.
So given that, it really confused me when I heard that people raised a fuss over hiring and gender requirements. I couldn’t imagine what they did that a woman couldn’t do? Given training and practice, I figured we could do anything a man could do. Esp if we did it in a team, where we all had our specific assigned tasks. That we specialized in. They ween’t EVER sending us onto the battlefield, into a fire, or into a gang war alone, or with no back up. It just wouldn’t occur.
I figured that men and women come in different sizes, have different abilities and can endure different things.
And test number one for me is the fact we go thru child birth. No man ever has. We do pain well. And endure it. Since time began.
Plus, in historic times, men and women did fight together for the safety of the village.
Even supposing all this is true, we now live in one of the most advanced times for technology. Why can’t we make tools/equipment for whatever it is they think the individual lacks? Like the hoyer lift we used for overweight patients?
I come from a farming culture where people used mechanical aids all the time to do their work. Mennonites and Amish often have tools that don’t use electricity to deal with large livestock. It’s true it’s usually the men that do it, but still those beasts are huge!! And they just don’t always cooperate. In fact, they rarely do.
Bottomline, there are many things that make someone strong. It’s not just brute strength that the army, fire dept and police need people to have, but also endurance and flexibility. And women have a good ability in the latter two.
So based on my background, and a debate I got into on fetlife, today I went hunting online…. Please let me know what your thoughts are.


fire dept testing

police dept testing – are skills sought applicable to the job?

armed forces – minor variances in testing

…. variance in gender shown


age and gender
stress fractures

brute/fast strength men- endurance/slow women – type of muscles

body proportions-height, shape- affect which type of lift you excel at

how strength is measured

strength to weight ratio
strength training in legs- you lift with your legs

diet to gain lean body mass

women can use resistance training to boost testosterone
hGH and muscle growth/recovery
insulin and glycemic index

he wanted phone sex… (a funny-ish memory?)

He wanted phone sex…

I was just barely still living in my parents’ house. And I had a BF at the time who wanted to get dirty one night on the phone.
WELL ! First thing I said was:

but my dad and step monster are in the room! They’re right here!

He says he can carry the chat, not to worry. But yuck and yucker still. I said:

but you should know, we have a party line!

(Do you people know what a party line is?? It means my neighbours and parents all had the same shared phone line. We had to pick up the phone and see if anyone was on it already to make a call. Plus there was the operator, right?)

He says no problem they’ll probably think it’s hot! Maybe maybe not, but two of my neighbours were pastors at VERY conservative churches, AND cousins of my grandparents too! I mean THEY’D TELL MY PARENTS! No there was NO GUESSING, they would tell my parents!
He got told no!! And NO! And no! again. My dad and step monster were starting to look at me weird. So I giggled, cuzz I was a teen girl, just barely an adult. So dad and step monster were really looking at me now and I was having a giggle fit.
Nope he did NOT get phone sex!! I hung up!


Does anyone else have a party line story to share for the class? 🙂

Storm (a horror story)


It was a dark night, full of tension and so thick with energy you thought you could take a bite out of the air. So thick, you felt like something was pushing against you when you tried to walk. But there was no wind yet…
It was all about the anticipation.
The kind of night you really didn’t want to be out alone in. You felt like there was someone watching you, or waiting around the corner. And all you wanted to do was go back home and crawl under your bed. And pretend you were in a happy place, so you didn’t feel so alone and so scared.
But you knew you had to keep on going…
Out of the corner of your eye, you kept seeing something black flashing, like the edges of a black cape or cloak. And you weren’t sure if you were being followed. Though you did know, you didn’t feel as if you were alone now. But it wasn’t like trouble shared, or kinship. No, it felt like evil.
And as soon as that word crossed your mind, the first breeze crossed your face and made you start. It was a soft wind, but not gentle. It felt like a fingernail on a chalk board. Soft yes, but it made your spine want to crawl out of your body and run away. It seemed to be trying to come up thru your neck.
Just as that wind passed, a second wind came that was cold and brisk. It gave you a shove. Like someone was teasing you with the potential of the violence. But just the preparatory nudge. The warning.
Trust me, you took heed of that warning. How could you not?
You walked a little faster, and pulled your coat a bit closer. And looked over your shoulder again. You weren’t sure if you wanted to see the dark coat or not. You just knew you didn’t want to be alone.
Then another wind came over you. It was strong enough that it pushed you, till you were stumbling. You almost fell. But you managed to catch yourself just before you did.
You had that second of relief.
Then the last wind came. And you heard it before it came. The shriek was unbearable and your hands flew to your ears, You couldn’t help yourself.
All the winds came together and flew around you. Tossing you, pushing you, and shrieking, like a banshee. And you realized you were scared.
You looked over your shoulder again. And here it was… the dark cloak. This time you were sure, there was really something there. And as sure, you didn’t want to meet it. Not if these winds were it’s vanguard.
And that is exactly what they seemed to be.
You turned the last corner before your destination and were thrilled to see the lights. But they seemed to be getting dimmer, not brighter. Yet you were closer and closer to the building. With each step.
Then you saw a small child on the porch. The presence of good and innocence. You waved to the child to go inside, but they didn’t catch your meaning, and just returned the wave. So you stepped faster, till you were in a jog.
You only had two steps further. You saw the child’s eyes bulge, and could hear the child’s squeal of terror. So you turned around and saw him…
You stood frozen. With the child so close you could feel it’s breath on your neck. You knew either you or the child was going to meet this being tonight. And you weren’t sure if you were strong enough to face him. But how could you let him take the child?
You opened your mouth to scream, to pray, to beg for aid from the heavens. But as soon as that crossed your mind, you heard him laugh. Not a social laugh either, but a cruel one. Like pure evil.
And you saw his hand come out of the coat. With long fingers and gruesome, cruel nails. The hand started to reach for you…
And you woke up screaming. In a wet bed. With wet PJs on. And were hyperventilating. Holding yourself in your own arms. Ready to scream. Scream.
Until you realized… it was only a dream.
It was now all about the memory. The memory that didn’t seem ready to let you go. Oh please, gods! Let me forget this night, you said. And you heard the laugh again…


stephen-king’s-storm-of-the-century- book made into a tv mini series


Neil Young – Four Strong Winds
Still I wish you’d change your mind,
If I asked you one more time
But we’ve been through that a hundred times or more
Four strong winds that blow lonely, seven seas that run high
All those things that don’t change, come what may
If the good times are all gone, and I’m bound for moving on
I’ll look for you if I’m ever back this way.

anti-psychiatry – “the every person walks thru labels” factor

Anti-psychiatry – “The every person walks thru labels” factor

John Hopkins

When you actually study psychology at univ, the first people you are told about are the people who are opponents to it’s use. You are given a caution about the weight of what you are about to do. You are told that as you are learning, you have no ability to actually USE your knowledge.
You are told about who actually gets studied to put together the theories that are currently in use. The prisoners in prisons and forensic hospitals. And college students volunteering to get studied for extra textbook or beer money.. They look at youth and insanity to decipher what normal isn’t.
And they also look at far more men than anyone. So women by default are excluded. Women who Freud referred to as hysterical, liars and malingerers are not usually the subject of their studies. Repeat that until it actually sinks in. Because women are more likely to be seen as ill, due to the tests. Tests based on Freud’s neurotic theories.
Someone who isn’t from the Western or first world would be found ill. If you looked at the APA standards for the DSM. In other words, the tests could easily be called racist, certainly biased. And if you aren’t raised Christian and practicing, you will trigger the Schizophrenic alert for having “odd beliefs”. Which is why the WHO uses so few of them.
If you aren’t raised urban, you’ll likely not have the same schooling as those who are urban, or the same experiences and will likely get tested as delayed by the IQ components. . You’ll likely trip the “odd perceptions” trigger for Schizophrenic also. They test you as presumed excelling at left brain tasks and thinking. So if you are right brained, look out! You have “odd patterns of thought”. For something you cannot control and isn’t a flaw either. When you excel at tasks eventually it’s the type of thought you’d hope to achieve.
If you have family challenges, ie addictions and abuse, you will in many ways be blamed for your lack of secure attachment to them. Esp if you are estranged from them. Like somehow you are at fault for not much liking getting abused anymore and leaving. Most rational people would leave an abusive environ. But you’re blamed if you do by the testors. Same as you will be if you get a divorce, no matter who is at fault.
At the base, there is no balance or area which allows you to be a growing, self-aware, recovering, separate, independent being from your family or culture. No matter what changed your mindset. And if you were once a youth who erred or strayed, there is no forgvenness for you. If you admit to these flaws, it’s like you’re trapped by the tests as forever that person. They don’t at any point ask you when it was and what has changed.
So anyone having had any kind of past will walk thru the tests and be diagnosed with several issues.
Anyone who has chronic pain will be more likely to get labelled as having a somatoform disorder/being delusional, as malingering, or having a clinical depression than to be seen as mature or independent. Which is also a more likely to be female category.
A stay at home mom will face an uphill battle with the testors.
Let’s remind you here that Freud had negative opinions about women and the tests are mostly theorized about men having taken them.
Every human being has had moments when they were less than stellar in their beliefs and actions. Does this make us all ill? Of course not! Yet the tests ask for those very things and blame you for them.
And at the bottom, even if you do pass or fail, the next time someone assesses you, they’re likely to label you as something else. Because many of the issues they fear cross the axes. So one moment you’ll be called a schizophrenic, the next a bipolar. Or gawd help you, both of them.
My psych profs might not like me sharing this with you all, but my sociology profs are clapping and cheering. Trust me. lol
Just be careful who you let label you. It can cause you a world of grief!

Dark Voyeurism (a horror story?)

Dark Voyeurism

They used to say that the radio and modern music turned children, esp teens toward the devil. Or the devil spoke to kids thru them. Maybe? Maybe it was the other way around?
When you hear the story I’m about to tell you, you might think either way. Was the radio the tool? Or was the exchange of spirit the issue?
Was it about a young innocent dancing in her room alone, or at least thinking she was? Or the town boy who thought he could have a peep show, when he crawled up outside her bedroom window, one night when her parents were away? Or did he want more?
Or was the devil reaching out on a warm night, making kids turn to his will… and all he needed was one radio to turn on…
Just one…




there… hiss


The Beach Boys

Feel the music in the air
Find a song to take us there
It’s paradise when I lift up my antenna
Receiving your signal like a prayer
Like a prayer
That’s why God made the radio
(Or was it the Devil?) – sic
So tune right in, everywhere you go

that’s it little girl
Just perfect.
Come here my son…
A little closer now.


Steely Dan

Give her some funked-up Muzak, she treats you nice
Feed her some hungry reggae, she’ll love you twice
The girl don’t seem to care tonight (sic)
As long as the mood is right
No static at all
No static, no static at all
FM, no static at all


Nothing to worry about kids.
All I need from you is to be here.
I’ll do the rest.
Your mama and daddy were right, ya know.
It’s all in the devil’s hands now.



All we hear is radio ga ga
Radio goo goo
Radio ga ga
All we hear is radio ga ga
Radio goo goo
Radio ga ga
All we hear is radio ga ga
Radio blah blah
Radio, what’s new?
Someone still loves you
Radio ga ga
Radio ga ga
Radio ga ga


Youthful desires can be turned monstrous
On such a warm night
It soothes my evil soul.
Well it would if I had one.



Invisible airwaves
Crackle with life
Bright antennae bristle
With the energy
Emotional feedback
On a timeless wavelength
Bearing a gift beyond price
Almost free
All this machinery
Making modern music


It won’t be much longer now.
The stars are almost perfectly alligned
Ready set,
There you go son. …
You’re her dollie from now on.


Helen Reddy

Stopping at her house is a neighbor boy
With evil on his mind
Cause he’s been peeking in Angie’s room
At night through the window blind
I see your folks have gone away
Would you dance with me today?
I’ll show you how to have a good time, Angie baby
When he walks in the room, he feels confused
Like he’s walked into a play
And the music’s so loud it spins him around
‘Til his soul has lost its way
And as she turns the volume down
He’s getting smaller with the sound
It seems to pull him off the ground
Toward the radio he’s bound
Never to be found


The headlines read that a boy disappeared
And everyone thinks he died
Except a crazy girl with a secret lover who
Keeps her satisfied
It’s so nice to be insane
No one asks you to explain

…. bwa ha ha ha

And it is done!
(the devil sits grinning)


( I look at the radio playing and turn it off quickly!)

forensic profiling of sex offenders/with cautions

forensic profiling of sex offenders/with cautions

the longest caution/waiver I’m ever likely to write

Antipsychiatry- JohnHopkins

Whether you look at the critics’ worry about the definitions of illness, or you look at the history of madness and it’s theories, forensic profiling seems more like junk or pseudo science. Like something you see on tv, like on Criminal Minds.. More meant to entertain than to catch or treat the offender. To understand why. To stop the next generation.
But can you replicate your findings? No. Two “experts” given the same information won’t arrive at the same conclusion. At least there is no guarantee they will.
It in no way helps their target protect or heal themselves. So does it do any good? It does help the police to feel like they have a tool…
Motives would more readily be linked to personality disorders, ie sociopathy, psychopathy, narcissism, conduct or impulse disorders. Which again could be viewed as junk or pseudo science. It’s a very grey area of psychology/psychiatry. That is still in development and a woo-woo branch of those fields. So when someone speaks with authority, you have to look at them like they’re David Copperfield. Good at magic, illusion. But how real is it?

Why? Because twin studies don’t show identical twins, with the same genes, and similar life experiences having the same disorder. Shouldn’t they?

Why? Because people with the exact same ear marks don’t show the same behavioural patterns. If they were causal, shouldn’t they?

If it is the person at fault, then why are there so bloody many of them??

Yet they are or appear to be real enough that the World Health Org has the ICD-10. Good enough that the APA has the DSM in it’s fifth incarnation. But lest we forget, they are about getting funding for research. Still being argued. Not proof.

But widely accepted, even outside the context they are supposed to be used in. They have life altering effects on people. Beyond what they are truly capable of. And that is why there is an antipsychiatry movement at all.

They cannot prove their theories beyond that of junk science. They can’t prove cause, and they cannot replicate them.

Because talking motives or personality is junk. Like having chips for dinner.

And the numbers show the very things that people toss around like it’s gospel, are statistical anomalies. The very things that prove someone is an offender mean nothing scientifically. Most of what they “know” at the APA, the WHO tosses out as not relevant outside Western Civilation or first world countries.

It’s like looking at black or white and seeing colour because light has gone thru them. They are there, but it’s near impossible to quantify them. No two people will see those colours in the exact same hue. And you can’t describe colour to someone who has been blind from birth. All they might know is light and shadow, grey or black.

Understanding why is unachievable, because it is a subjective, dynamic experience. It is changeable and flexible. Always in flux.

And worst of all, profiling is immediately discardable as it’s based on Freud’s theories. He’s been mostly laughed out of field authority. So how do we see these profiles as credible enough to use them? I have no clue!

Knowing that we now only have just studied 5% of the human brain and are currrently working/tweaking on the Genome Project. Your guess is as good as mine. Literally. (No that doesn’t mean you get to go up to your neighbour and diagnose them!)

Every function we “know” might have a counter mechanism which stands guard to stop that function from impacting someone in any meaningful way. It may all be in what we don’t know.

the piece

(will it be longer than the waiver? :P)

As with everything else, motivation is directed by self or other. We might be looking in the mirror when we look at others or deal with them.

We might also be using them as a surrogate for someone who we feel has wronged us. It might be someone who hurt us as a child and we react in child-like ways.

Or it might be someone who hurt us as an adult.

But we’re reacting out of trauma of some form when we act out with aggression. Anger is a symptom.

We might be acting out of “sober” judgment or at some point in the users/addicts’ cycle.

But whatever state we are in, we usually have formed a relationship with this person. And there is basically a seduction period before the first event. Or grooming. Which may involve promises, gifts, threats, or offering attention that the target doesn’t get otherwise.

Which forms dynamic interactions of relationship and/or sexual factors/fantasies. Which increase in intimacy. Until the target feels like they are part of the problem. like they are complicit in the crime. Which is why they often don’t tell. They are manipulated into feeling like they are to blame. Like they deserved it. Like they caused it. it was their idea. They were the aggressor.

It isn’t often violent. Because violence would disclose that a crime has occurred. They’re often trying to blame the target, remember?

And it isn’t always sexual (wait! What did I say??) Not every rapist uses their sexual parts to gain power or control over their target. (Yes you heard me! Yes I mean it! Really!)

Some rapists use some kind of sexual “tool” or device instead of THE PENIS! It could be the threat or use of a weapon ie a knife. It could be a dildo. It could be their hand.

Some offenders warp the relationship and there is no sexual contact.

Some “experts” claim this is because they are impotent. Some claim it’s a forensic counter-measure. (You can’t find semen if there was no ejaculate, can you?)

Some rapists use drugs to sedate and/or confuse their target, so they can’t testify against them. Even to the other parent, cuzz now they’re in trouble for drinking from the family liquor cabinet for eg.

There are many variations of how this could play out. It really does come down to what happens between you two + so much, that anyone who says they know the motives of a rapist or the reaction a victim will have is talking off their head.

but hey if anyone CAN talk off their head…

how about these guys? – resources.

forensic talk
Nat’l Center for Missing & Exploited Children
Office of Justice Programs

Psychology Today

he was THAT guy (a story)

He was THAT Guy…

Ok if you have ever studied or worked in a small group, you have met hims or hers who do it. They take YOUR idea and run with it. Take all the credit for your brain child, like they birthed and reared it. Never once considering that you should get the praise, the awards. They shout louder, so their voice is the one everyone hears.
And if you stick your hand up and say “hey, that’s mine!!” you look like you’re trying to ride on their coat tails, cuzz they’re louder and more popular. So they get the credit, right? And you fall further and further behind in the estimations of your peers and bosses, because he’s a liar, a cheat, a thief, a fraud…
Well that was who Ryan H. was. That guy.
And I was the target this time. I had made the mistake of pointing out that something the opposition was doing was wrong and we could discredit them if we came forward with it. I told Ryan H. my take in a small crowd of what I thought were friendlies, and his eyes lit up and he ran with it. All the way to the boss’s desk.
Suddenly Ryan H. was the office hero. He could do no wrong. And I was the fool who kept trying to say, “hey, that’s mine!!” I was finally sent down to HR for a chat about whether or not I needed to get a psych eval. To be able to keep my job. I was crushed.
I did get a minor amount of support from the OG friendlies, but Ryan H. was a formidable opponent. So they didn’t want to get his eyes on them and have their careers ruined by his intimes and by him. So they kept silent and made me wear the fool’s hat even though they knew I was the architect of our company’s new wealth. Even though they knew I could face serious consequences from their silence.
Finally, I left the office and took another job. No Ryan H. was going to get my ideas again! And time would tell if he ever came up with his own. Because some people in the office were onto his games. And they’d be sure wherever he got his brain fodder from, that it wasn’t going to be them.
They just never spoke up for me when I needed them, so all I saw was them being self protective. Hypocrites. They were on to Ryan H. But I was onto them and him.
I just left it all to karma and walked away.
I had to live to fight another day.

Above Her Station (a story)

Above Her Station

Otis Redding & Carla Thomas – Tramp

She went from Daddy’s lil princess, being read stories from fairy tales, to believing she could have any man she wanted. Prince or King. That was the life of Miss Hoighty-Toighty Vanessa Insane.
So out she went to where the rich men gathered. Only those with a pedigree would do her. Royal lines, family estates, and billions in long sustained industries. The upper crust. The hoi-palloi. But she’d pass on the nouveau riche.
Or so she thought anyways.
Then she went to the stars, those from the athletic world, the arts, even taking a whiff from the rising in the field of entertainment. Only the best would do her tastes.
Or so she thought anyways.
She spent everyday researching what to say, even for soft chat. More time put in to getting that perfect man than into her own character. Her own talents. So even supposing she found this man, what would she have to offer?
She learned how to be a brute to the staff and trades people, cuzz that’s what she thought it took to be a rich, successful man’s wife. She practiced on the wait staff whenever her daddy took her out. She didn’t see his look of shame. Even her loving daddy found her hard to take. He took her out, less and less often.
She sewed and made her own clothes when daddy stopped paying her a randsom for the wardrobe she thought she needed. And even began selling a few to neighbours who liked her eye for fashion. She could make anything she saw in a magazine.
But she was losing hope, thinking of movng to another town. So she could have all the things she thought belonged to her.
It’d be anyday now when she found him.
Or so she thought anyways.
Every couple of years, she’d move again. Farther and farther from home and daddy. The only man who had ever loved her. Even though he was getting older and sicker. And really he needed her.
It seems like every man on earth was nothing but a TRAMP! Maybe even her adoring daddy?
Or so she thought anyways.
Daddy died, but she didn’t go to the funeral. She thought she finally had one on the leash. And she need some more silk and lace for her best dress yet to snag him.
Or so she thought anyways.
She sat in a back room of a factory, where the finest of knock offs were made. Until the day she died, she looked for him. The prince or king she had a right to!
Or so she thought anyways.

incest – pro links and factors

incest – pro links and factors


A) incest in Canada is defined as having sex with a first degree blood relative:

which is a grandparent
a parent
a sibling and a half- sibling.

B) Where there is not a blood relationship, but a person is acting “in the role of” or “in lieu of” a first degree blood family member

would be a step parent or sibling, a foster or adopted parent or guardian, or sibling.



in some ways, a child and a woman have been treated the same historicaly. They were their father or guardian’s chattel. They had no autonomy or agency, other than what was gifted to them. No legal protection either. They were at risk of death every day. So there is that element of societal power involved.

Plus having the (presumed daily) care and control of the child. The role of a parent to someone who has no other model for how things are done appropriately, is/can be too free to someone who has incestuous designs on the child.

Women as chattel of father or husband…

children as chattel of father…

If someone thinks they have ultimate power, and society agrees, they feel they can do as they wish, with impunity.


There are neurobiological factors that are studied, which vary between those who are attracted to children and those who have the relationship in spite of this lack of attraction.…


There are inter-generational factors. Which vary by being the incestuous parent when they had been abused, or being the enabling parent.


and can continue to siblings committing incest on each other.…

drugs and alcohol

There is also a higher correlation of drugs and alcohol use by the parent in incest than those raping an adult have. So it’s clouded judgment(?) Or using the fact they imbibed to justify their actions/defend themselves, to assuage whatever negative feelings they may or may not have about it(?)

ncbi -About two thirds of incest perpetrators report using alcohol directly before the offending incident
nih- alcohol approx half x………

overt and covert incest

overt – sexual acts

and covert – innappropriate relationship

like having a spousal relationship beween parent and child. – confidante, caregiver when drunk/high, creepy sense of a romantic liaison, coparenting other kids in the house……

wrong was done to you

And somewhere in these “known” principals of incest, you exist. And it doesn’t really matter why, when you’re the child involved. Wrong was done to you. And I hear you.

demographics –

siblings (unsupervised) , then father-daughter (many factors) , mother-son (often linked to absent father), blended families

(reminder about stats – there are many unreported cases presumed, and partially reported as well, esp re:boys/men who were victims. Statistics are guess-timates. But nobody presumes that the demographic possibilities are in error. These relationships do exist)……

like a bag of marbles,

you as a human “pick” out of the “choices” available to humans. No two + are exactly alike.