litmus test of secrets

litmus test of secrets

litmus test for keeping secrets:

Considering the AA/NA pshilosophy:

you’re only as sick as your secrets

(keep in mind that this same group has a “what gets said in group, stays in group” philosophy and only use first names)

Should we evaluate why we keep secrets, and if we should? How authentic should we be? I mean, who really and truly needs to know all of us?

  • what is a secret, to you and them? (since it’s a dynamic issue) And what is privacy? What is discretion?
  • is your secret(s) endangering someone? You, someone you care about (family, friends), someone who relies on your honesty (boss, teacher) to be safe and feel secure. (include stress and it’s effect on your body and mental health)
  • how often could you say literally that it would kill…them to know and you to tell?
  • do they need to know to protect themselves?
  • do you invest a lot of time and energy to hide it from them?
  • does keeping your secret sabotage the relationship? Could being honest give you a chance to work things out with them and have a better relationship after the work?
  • how many do you intend to keep?
  • do you trust them to keep your confidence if it’s a sensitive matter? Would it lose your marriage, your home, custody of your kids, your academic placement, your job if you told? Could you mitigate that?
  • if secrets and lies are like a game of dominos, or a cheesie or chip (you cannot just have one) how many do you have to tell to keep this one secret, and can you keep it all straight? Should you? How many can your brain hold without tripping up?

….. resources

scientific american
1. psychology today
2. psychology today
indy100.com -list of commonly held secrets
the power of silence

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the interactions of men and women, in feminism

the interactions of men and women, in feminism

As we shift from patriarchy to something that reflects the social changes of men and women in our new power dynamics, we get more men involved in feminist discussions. Which is great, when they have good intentions. But that’s not always the case.

And it’s great when we’re still the decision-makers, and they just support us, encourage us, in our efforts. As we define our roles, language, and new social dynamics. As we stand independently, on wobbly legs if we have to at first. As we see to our own safety and growth.

It’s even great when they take on the roles of teachers and mentors to us. So long as they let us learn to do it, rather than take over for us. So long as they only take that role on when we ask for their assistance.

But even the most well-meaning of men can intrude at times. Without even including those who are covering up/deflecting attention from their bad attitudes/acts or trying to act out their hero complex. (typical patterns are defined below)

We as women need to recognize the symptoms, so we can properly block anything negative that is done. So we can be our own leaders. So we can write our own destiny.
We as women don’t want to be bullied into things or sent into panic-states so they can save us either. We want to think for ourselves. We want to drive.

That’s not too much to ask is it? And if they have good intentions, men who value us will step out of the way so we can.

I believe men and women can work together in the long run. I just think women need to do some talking first. So we as women stand together when we’re ready.

…. definitions

Merriam-Webster
misogyny
a hatred of women
misandry
a hatred of men

revelator
one that reveals especially : one that reveals the will of God
redeemer
thesaurus section – one that saves from danger or destruction
synonym – savior
chivalry
1: mounted men-at-arms
2 archaic a: martial valor b: knightly skill
3: gallant or distinguished gentlemen
4: the system, spirit, or customs of medieval knighthood
5: the qualities of the ideal knight : chivalrous conduct

Urban Dictionary
white knight
1) A man who stands up for a womens right to be an absolute equal, but then steps up like a white knight to rescue her any time that equality becomes a burden.
2) A man who Promotes gender equality but practices special privilege for women.
social justice warrior
A person who uses the fight for civil rights as an excuse to be rude, condescending, and sometimes violent for the purpose of relieving their frustrations or validating their sense of unwarranted moral superiority. The behaviors of Social justice warriors usually have a negative impact on the civil rights movement, turning away potential allies and fueling the resurgence of bigoted groups that scoop up people who have been burned or turned off by social justice warriors.
virtue signalling
To take a conspicuous but essentially useless action ostensibly to support a good cause but actually to show off how much more moral you are than everybody else.

healthyplace.com
gaslighting types
the Glamour Gaslighter, creates a special world just for you.
Good-Guy Gaslighters, need to appear good and reasonable while getting their own way.
and the Intimidators .bully, withhold and guilt-trip

virtue signalling or living right

virtue signalling or living right?

do no harm, do no evil

I’m sure you’ve heard about the three wise monkeys? It’s a tale often told when people describe how you should interact with others. But I’m not sure it adequately describes or presents what life includes.

I think behind each monkey rep or virtue signaller is often a crowd of other monkeys who throw poop, laugh and point fingers. That look like they’re smiling, but really it’s baring their teeth in rage. And in the back are the rabble rousers and spies who go from group to group, gathering intel.
Because in a world where evil is the focus, you always have evil as your focus.
What you ask for is what you get.
Esp when dealing with people you will never meet in your life. Who may or may not live in Antarctica or Iceland… What do they lose by kicking up a fuss after all?

But what if we went thru our days, looking for things other than what trolls and drama llamas wanted to show us? Is there anything else?
Yes there is! How about love?

Somewhere in all of this very human nature, when dealing with a crowd. there are a few things you have to remember to do.

  • Think for yourself
  • Remember to keep clear of the poop
  • Never forget that whether we have hair or not, we’re still wild primates.
  • Try to act like you know what love and peace are

Because mobs kill.

on the 12 days of xmas song: her first wish list

On the 12 days of xmas song: Her first wish list (a story/song conversion)

I don’t do findom. This is a story. This wish list does not exist on the internet. Or … er… At least not by me.

….

The xmas song was going thru her head as she was looking thru a kinky toys catalogue her local sex shop had out. She was imagining little elves bringing the stuff to her door as she sang it over and over. It appears she had an ear worm. Funny how xmas songs did that, huh?
When she finally had her list written, she posted it and waited to see if anyone would take her up on it. She didn’t have a stable of pay-pigs yet. So she crossed her fingers and hoped… and hoped. Singing the song as her good luck charm.

….

to the tune of Bing Crosby and the Andrews Sisters – The Twelve Days Of Christmas

On the first day of dumb-nance
My twue sub gave to me
A Clitoral Vibrator

On the second day of dumb-nance
My twue sub gave to me
Two ben wa balls
And a Clitoral Vibrator

On the third day of dumb-nance
My twue sub gave to me
Three long tails
Two ben wa balls
And a Clitoral Vibrator

On the fourth day of dumb-nance
My twue sub gave to me
Four strap on dicks
Three long tails
Two ben wa balls
And a Clitoral Vibrator

On the fifth day of dumb-nance
My twue sub gave to me
Five French ticklers
Four strap on dicks
Three long tails
Two ben wa balls
And a Clitoral Vibrator

On the sixth day of dumb-nance
My twue sub gave to me
Six Anal Douches
Five French ticklers
Four strap on dicks
Three long tails
Two ben wa balls
And a Clitoral Vibrator

On the seventh day of dumb-nance
My twue sub gave to me
Seven leather corsets
Six Anal Douches
Five French ticklers
Four strap on dicks
Three long tails
Two ben wa balls
And a Clitoral Vibrator

On the eighth day of dumb-nance
My twue sub gave to me
Eight catheter bags
Seven leather corsets
Six Anal Douches
Five French ticklers
Four strap on dicks
Three long tails
Two ben wa balls
And a Clitoral Vibrator

On the ninth day of dumb-nance
My twue sub gave to me
Nine rings and sounders
Eight catheter bags
Seven leather corsets
Six Anal Douches
Five French ticklers
Four strap on dicks
Three long tails
Two ben wa balls
And a Clitoral Vibrator

On the tenth day of dumb-nance
My twue sub gave to me
Ten anal plug sets
Nine rings and sounders
Eight catheter bags
Seven leather corsets
Six Anal Douches
Five French ticklers
Four strap on dicks
Three long tails
Two ben wa balls
And a Clitoral Vibrator

On the eleventh day of dumb-nance
My twue sub gave to me
Eleven vibrating eggs
Ten anal plug sets
Nine rings and sounders
Eight catheter bags
Seven leather corsets
Six Anal Douches
Five French ticklers
Four strap on dicks
Three long tails
Two ben wa balls
And a Clitoral Vibrator

On the twelfth day of dumb-nance
My twue sub gave to me
Twelve leather collars
Eleven vibrating eggs
Ten anal plug sets
Nine rings and sounders
Eight catheter bags
Seven leather corsets
Six Anal Douches
Five French ticklers
Four strap on dicks
Three long tails
Two ben wa balls
And a Clitoral Vibrator

….

On xmas morning, her mailman came to her door with a big grin on his face. And handed her the screen to sign. Then left her with the box, full of everything her song had asked for and a list of names of the people who had given her the items.
She now had her start up kit. She was in business!

…..

hehe! HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

her first wish list edit 154345554159682535

XMAS FEMDOM ADVENT CALENDAR

XMAS FEMDOM ADVENT CALENDAR

Kinky xmas…. Mistress was going to be away till xmas.  So she put me in chastity and left some advent tasks for me, which I was to do and take pix to send to her as proof. As an advent calendar for her weekends.  There was a box which she said contained everything I’d need in it. She barely got out the door before I opened it. I was so excited!!

I started out as Grinch

Sat 1 Decorate the tree

Sun 2 Decorate me with xmas lights
Sat 8 Set out the candles

Sun 9 Use the candles on me/CBT

Sat 15 clean the fireplace and bake cookies to get ready for Santa

Sun 16 hang the stockings and do my chores in shackles, hands and feet

Sat 22 wash the windows and decorate them with fake snow and a filligree stencil

Sun 23 shave me and paint me all over
Mistress made it home before Santa came. And we came before he did.  Whew! We were both pleased! And she loved the calendar too.
I felt like I was Santa!
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

 

 

ADVENT TREE edit 154345554159682535XMAS 2018 ADVENT CANDLES 154345554159682535fireplace and cookies edit 154345554159682535wash windows paint me edit 154345554159682535

positive criticism

positive criticism

positive criticism
I know it’s hard to give and take criticism, but there are ways to do it that make it more palatable for both parties involved. I tend to prefer my critics to be someone who I trust, who is generally a fan of what I’m trying to achieve, has some experience in what I’m trying to do, and phrases things in a positive way. If you raise your voice, or use vulgar language, you’ve lost me. That isn’t criticism IMO
If you want to know more:

definition

A recommended set of instructions that aims to collaboratively improve the overall quality of a product or service. Often containing helpful and specific suggestions for positive change, constructive criticism is highly focused on a particular issue or set of issues, as opposed to providing general feedback on the item or organization as a whole.

6 tips on giving positive criticism

1. feedback sandwich – PIP, which stands for Positive-Improvement-Positive
2. Constructive criticism focuses on the situation, not the person.
3. Be specific with your feedback
4. Comment on things that are actionable
5. Give recommendations on how to improve
6. When providing criticism, do so within what you know as fact about the person and the subject. Don’t make assumptions

6 tips to receive criticism positively

1. Stop Your First Reaction. Try to stay calm.
2. Remember the Benefit of Getting Feedback
3. Listen for Understanding
4. Say Thank You
5. Ask Questions to Deconstruct the Feedback
6. Request Time to Follow Up

Slow Hand Luke

Slow Hand Luke

I could see how he was frustrating everyone… I had been watching him all day. And the people around him were getting annoyed. All his moves were measured, slow, calculated. That’s fine if you aren’t in a rush, but very few occupations aren’t these days.
His supervisor had hired him because he was his brother-in-law, and his wife had begged him. If it weren’t for the fact he was sure he’d be sleeping on the couch from now till Christmas, he’d have fired him. He just took a swig of Pepto and booked a dental appt for something to stop his teeth from grinding together. I just grinned. And kept watching.
His customers stood tapping their toes and swearing under their breath when he was asked to go get something and it took a little time for him to even walk out of the room. I had to muffle my laugh. And I kept watching.
His coworkers kept pushing him to go faster, or taking over when they had run out of patience. But Luke kept plodding along.
At the end of the day, everyone else was tired and grumpy. Not Luke. He had a big smile on his face and wandered off the lot. I followed him. I grabbed his hand and asked him if he would like to come to my house. He said yes,
So we wandered down the road, chatting about this that and the other thing till we got there. Luke was alert, fun, engaging and his body might have been slow, but his mind wasn’t.
We had tea and cookies, and chatted. Then I asked Luke if he wanted to have sex with me. I said I was tired of men who rushed things. He nodded.
And I found out what patience really means as he teased me to hell and back.
Yes I knew there was a reason why I like a Slow Hand .

Pointer Sisters

crossing the floor – POV writings

Crossing the Floor – POV writings

It’s fun to put yourself in the shoes of another, but I think you have to try to be sensitive towards the fact that much as you may think you know, you are not them!
I mean i know what groin pain feels like, I gave birth to a child. Can you spell episiotomy? (memory winces are a thing!) The first bowel movement after labour is hell(ish). Much like being constipated for a week. 😦 (You might want to get on that!)

I have yet to be kicked in the balls though. Though they do say the two things are similar in pain, I have yet to hear a guy who hasn’t done serious damage say that his pain has gone on for 36-48 hours every 3 -5 minutes. Have you? (If so, please do see a doctor!)

I also have yet to have kidney stones, and they say the delivery of those blighters thru a penis is hell(ish) as well. And if they are at all similar, this might actually last the full 36-48 hours. (You have my sympathy!)

But this isn’t about pain, this is about putting something you know to be true from experiencing it, into the writing of something you can absolutely not know anything about.

Some people use it to claim they understand gender politics, when they have never lived as the other. Some use it to give advice, when they have never lived in the other person’s shoes or culture. And some use it to blame, shame and mock someone they think is being a drama queen. When they are telling you their truth.

It’s why I don’t write about things like erectile dysfunction though. I am aware and fully cognisant of performance anxiety. Yet I don’t know how that defines how you feel about yourself as a man.

Or the transgender transition issues. I know how female people are treated in the world, but I’ve always had to deal with that. I’ve never been treated otherwise and felt the change in attitude, or the outright rage that other men
might displace onto them due to their own insecurities.

It is however fun to write a fiction story and take on the character of a man in a way that I can identify with. And most people would take no issue with me doing that. They would just laugh if I got it wrong. unless it appeared to be hate inspired, rather than curiousity. Or imagination.

It’s a hard thing to do with any reality, sympathy, And I think it’s best left in the hands of someone who lives it, mostly.

But what do I know? I’m a woman! And we all know (:P) it’s a man’s world! So I guess if anyone can discuss a woman’s POV, it should be … (wait for it!) an MAN! #amiright??