Q – Media – Which would you rather view? Violence or Sex?

Q – Media – Which would you rather view? Violence or Sex?

I guess it comes down to which you think has the greatest negative impact. I’m not sure if the ‘experts’ have answered this yet?

My personal preference is to watch sex rather than violence. Which is kind of odd cuzz I actually love martial arts. But I don’t mean blood feuds. I mean sparring, for a show of excellence. And I can’t say that I really like too many kinds of porn. Maybe I’m too much of a romantic?

But that’s just for adults, obv….. It’s one thing to teach kids a healthy sense of their body. And yeah you’d want them to know how to drive the car so to speak. You obv can’t show them. But maybe some things should wait for maturity. Not that it’d be great for them to see violence either. But where do you draw the line, between sport like boxing or wrestling and fighting?

Sometimes it seems like it has to be one or the other. But does it? You’d think so, considering how often it’s available today.

Q – Who do you share your SM platform with?

Q – Who do you share your SM platform with?

I don’t mean that you’re giving your PINs to. I’m referring to what thoughts/philosophies do you allow to be spread with your likes, re-blogs, or opposites?

I know I’m getting a LOT more careful about what I draw attention to when I’m on SM. Is it ‘cancel culture’ if I refuse to give oxygen to a hate group? Or to a bully? If I wouldn’t hang with them IRL, will I on SM?

But then again, by silence am I leaving them unchallenged? And leaving people who are more vulnerable left thinking this is the only POV? Here is where you should know the value of writing your own thoughts, vs amplifying theirs. Separately.

It’s def a judgment call, isn’t it? What can I tolerate interacting with? On any given day that can change for me, dependant on how many spoons I have of course. And who the bully or wrong thought affects. How much info I know about the issue or group(s) involved.

I also know I’m trying to get more educated about what I don’t know. I’m not just leaving it in the dust. So they might not get my goat this time, but soon!

And who I’d have to challenge is also a factor. On Twitter for eg, I tend to block ‘experts’ I think are idiots. I may not know their field…. but google has some real sources. If I think Jack or Jill said something wonky, I go down the rabbit hole of research looking for the answer to why the hairs are standing up on the back of my neck. I may not have wisdom in all things. But I do have pretty good instincts. And a base understanding of what their field is known for. And that is growing each course I take.

So when I run into someone now who sounds off, I feel pretty ok with challenging them (mostly in social human study fields) when I can cite someone more credible than they are. (high five self!)

Funnily enough though, they don’t back down. Often they go all in on their POV and that’s worth a giggle. Or two. As I block them and walk away.

Is that setting up an ‘echo chamber’ for myself though? I don’t think so. Because I’m still trying to inform myself from credible sources. Just not from someone i just proved to myself is a stubborn fool.

Learning is good.
Discussion is excellent.
Being pig headed isn’t though.
IMHO of course!

The Difference Between Sex Work and Sex Trafficking

The Difference Between Sex Work and Sex Trafficking

There is some presumption that sex work is done by adults, who for whatever reason decide to go into the business. Under the feminist and criminal models, there is some concern how freely one can consent to be used and abused. ( ie addicts, runaways, homeless, poor people) But as a business, they receive money for a service they give customers.

There’s also some concern about the communities in which the business is carried out. (ie spreading crime with the prostitution) And the spread of STIs as a public health issue. The use of resources for this health concern. This concern presumes that without sex workers there would be no other means of getting the STIs, which is far from the truth.

And what about the govt stepping into the area of morality policing? If the sex worker and their client are in a transactional relationship, and they’re the only parties, then why should the govt be concerned? Or involved? (ie courtesan and sponsor)

Also, is the relationship actually sexual? Many sex workers are ‘dates’ for social events. Or are now on camera or websites. Where there is no likelihood of sexual contact, or any other kind.


Where the issue of trafficking is in play,

  • is when someone is abducted, coerced, or forced into sex work.
  • Or when the sex work is done by someone who is not of age or mental capacity (including addicts) to give consent.
  • and when the sex worker isn’t making the profits. When the money is going to pimps, gangs or criminal enterprises. And the sex worker is left destitute.
  • Plus when the sex worker is mistreated (beaten, raped, tortured, murdered) it would be unlikely they are giving full consent.

When people discuss sex work and trafficking, they mostly talk about women and girls as the sex workers. But there is another group to consider. LGBTQ people also are involved in sex work as worker and client.

This is another autonomy issue that we need to consider. When is the govt allowed to tell us when we can/can’t do something with our own bodies?

It’s not a cut and dried issue either. But it just seems like some govts and businesses as well as so-called advocacy groups are getting too intrusive. How do we separate the criminal trafficking and the people engaged in consensual activities? Or do you think there is such a thing in this discussion?

Exploring Alternative Lifestyles

Exploring Alternative Lifestyles

Have you ever explored the concepts of alternative health? egs.
Massage, acupuncture/pressure, naturopathy….

Have you gone to a retreat or teambuilding weekend for work?

Do you attend seminars or read self help books?

What do you think of conspiracy theories?

Well, you’re here….so we can presume that you are open to alt sexual lifestyles. lol

But how far is too far? When is your next call their governing body or the police?

Are you ‘open minded’ or conservative in your views?

The internet sure has a LOT of variety of offerings for us to chose from, doesn’t it?

Q – When do we separate the theorist from the theory? Or the artist from the art?

Q – When do we separate the theorist from the theory? Or the artist from the art?

We talk a LOT about ‘cancelling’ these days. IMO it’s pretty much a pop trend. Because in academia, it takes a LOT to kick someone to the curb. There, it’s more like cherry-picking. What you like you keep. What you don’t, you pretend isn’t there. Academics are voracious, rabid learners. And they truly don’t care who they learn from.

So going onto social media, sometimes you just have to giggle. If someone chews bubble gum wrong, they get dumped on. They could be the sweetest, smartest person on earth…. But they chew gum wrong!!

And then there’s the counter movement. The defenders. Their stans who will love them no matter what they do. Even if they’re a racist, serial killer, rapist. It’s THEIR racist, serial killer, rapist. And you just cannot talk smack about them.

Same with expertise. Academics fight. But when someone talks bad about one, they close ranks. (ie Graham Hancock)

These days, so much of theory is online. Accessible to all. You can take MOOCs, read professional papers, watch videos posted by Ivy League universities and top of the world hospitals and clinics. But if you dare claim you know something? Someone will be happy to slap you down. Call you the dreaded ‘pseudo’ – theorist!

So what do you think? Do you ‘cancel’ people when they do something you don’t like? What does it take? Do you say only academics know things? Or are smart, talented? Or can people be arm-chair philosophers?

About Emotional Manipulation

About Emotional Manipulation

Article: Red Flags: Are You Being Emotionally Manipulated? if you want more info or don’t understand something in the list.


We all manipulate because we all want our way and our life/relationships eased. But there are good and bad ways to get that. And communication is the best way to break free of the destructive aspects of manipulation.


  • Using intense emotional connection to control another person’s behavior.
  • Playing on a person’s insecurities.
  • Lying and denial.
  • Hyperbole and generalization.
  • Changing the subject (or deflection)
  • Moving the goalposts.
  • Using fear to control another person.
  • Using social inequities to control another person.
  • Passive-aggression.
  • Giving a person the silent treatment.
  • Gaslighting.
  • Recruiting others to help with manipulation.



  • Poor communication skills.
  • A desire to avoid connection.
  • Fear.
  • Defensiveness.


  • Social norms. Some forms of manipulation are normal, and perhaps even beneficial.
  • Marketing, advertising, and other financial or political incentives.



  • Communicating in direct, clear, and specific ways.
  • Understanding when manipulation is normal and when it’s not.
  • Setting clear boundaries around manipulation
  • Asking for insight from trusted third parties.

Q – What does ‘politically correct’ mean?

Q – What does ‘politically correct’ mean?

Since I was a small child and had to learn English to go to school, I’ve been fascinated by language. It’s so important that people are able to communicate. (No this isn’t about free speech).

But being able to and querying whether or not you should are two separate things. Most people consider farting at the dinner table to be quite rude. (Prolly smelly too!!) We all fart, just may be a bad time to do it if you want people at the table to be ok with you being there. Right? Most people also try not to fart in an elevator.

Language is meant to ease the social functions you have to engage in. It’s also about what group you belong to. Like the difference between Greek, Latin and the other Romantic languages and their mixed dialects (with English usually). And unless there is a baby, toddler or pet in the room, most people don’t talk baby talk. The odd couple do it in their early romance stage. But it’d be a rare person who goes up to the boss, teacher or a stranger, scratches their chin, or pinches their cheeks (either set!), and coos at them…. Right?

So we do get that language is situational and based on your relationship with a person, don’t we? Some people think you can plomp down beside a stranger and tell them all about the difficulty they have with sex or toileting, but it’s not that usual , j/s.

Most people don’t walk up to a stranger and ask them inappropriate questions about their sex life or bathroom habit. Nor do they talk about politics or religion outside their group.

Social media sometimes changes these rules, but not always. You might seek advice for specific things in your health and body functions by using a hashtag. You might chose who can respond or re-blog what you’ve said. And in some sites you can even consider who can view your comments.

These things shape what you feel comfortable saying/sharing in certain spaces or groups. It’s not a lack of freedom so much as it’s about discretion .

Which is where political correctness comes in. My question to myself before I post something is ‘who could see this and be hurt by it?’ (Which is a LOT of the issue I have with people like Jordan Peterson and so does his College). Most people are fine if you say something rude or mean. But there’s that one person who is in crisis and my words could do more to them than hurt their feefees. Then what?

And most people don’t go around calling others names or telling them how to behave. Telling them you want to kill them or they should kill themselves.

You might get some odd or stern looks if you act up. You might get a visit from the police if it’s a huge issue. Like a threat.

So is asking people to show a little compassion or consideration too much? Is it just about having the right to open your gob and mouth off? Or do you enjoy having your nose straight? Maybe even prefer it?

I think humanity have always tried to have some sense of belonging and civility in our social dealings. That does change now and then. We use different language of ownership and kinship. Power often changes how we speak to someone. But power doesn’t always protect us from the consequences of our words. The person we speak to with cruel words still has the option of stepping up and hitting us. It’s not likely to end well for them, but in theory, yes they are able.

Therefore we know that language is dynamic. And it evolves over time, space, situation and relationships.

So what is the fuss when someone asks us not to be rude, or hurt their feelings? Why do you feel you can be mean and face no consequences? Is the only thing that guides you whether what you are saying could land you in jail? Or kicked off a site?

Where is your line in the sand when it comes to how you speak to people?

Unusual Suggestions for Valentine’s Day!

Unusual Suggestions for Valentine’s Day!

I know most people think of Harlequin stories where boy meets girl and they tussle their way to LOVE forever LOVE. Maybe some dates, hearts, chocolates, flowers along the way?

And some people think of stories like Romeo and Juliet…..

Or Wuthering Heights?

But what if I said that Superman and Lois was a love story? Would you believe me? Did they get together? I guess that depends who you ask? Which version of their story did you see?

Does a couple have to end up with the little house, picket fence, a couple kids and maybe a dog to be a successful love story? Or do you prefer a tragedy? Or unrequited love?

Is Valentine’s Day something for you? If it is, then I hope you had a Happy Happy today!

Q – What do you call ‘civilization’?

Q – What do you call ‘civilization’?

  • need vs want – shelter, food, modesty/clothes

A lot of these factors are reliant on the environment and the size of the group.

But many cities that think they are ‘civilized’ don’t actually plan for the safety of vulnerable people or children. They don’t make education or play a priority. And they don’t consider health or housing for everyone in their allocation of resources. Knowing these things are critical to quality of life, they still exclude these things. Or make them less accessible.

Art and music make leisure more enjoyable. And make a city finer. I’m not talking about elite things like orchestras and ballet either. It could be BBQ and beer or a folk festival with booths of food from around the world. It could be polka and tents of sausage and waffles. You might be wearing shorts and a halter rather than a ball gown. It’s about lifting your head out of the mundane. It’s about finding connections beyond tasks.

And that can reduce the feeling of isolation and fear that go underneath most criminal behaviour, esp hate crimes. Knowing you have people, and that you belong.

Sadly, the govts of cities don’t see and plan for this. Instead they spend crazy amounts on policing and security. Which is actually counter to peace keeping. I don’t feel safer when I see a bunch of people with uniforms and guns. (And I’m a white woman of over middle age. The police aren’t likely to ever hassle me.) Very few people do.

Yet when budgets get tabled, the most amount of money gets allocated toward policing though.

So is that city civilized then? Since it doesn’t meet the needs of the people in it, doesn’t plan for the environment, and doesn’t make tasks of living convenient, how can you call it civilized? IDK. I truly don’t.

But that’s my definition of civilized. I’m sure I don’t stand alone in that. I’m curious to hear what you think? Does your city meet the needs of the people in it? Is that what you call civilized?