Q – How does a meritocracy impact girls/women?

Q – How does a meritocracy impact girls/women?

  • how do girls/women tolerate a system built on merit?

Not as well. They are steered to specific subjects/trades. Not based on skillsets, but because they will one day possibly be a mother and a wife. Which is presumed means they will spend less time at their career. And their father/husband will be the primary custodian of the family’s wealth.

  • Are there educational and career impacts that girls/women face?

Yes subjects are geared toward boys/men and also toward college/univ goals. Girls/women have less access to these higher education opps. Whether that is a social oppression issue or a financial one?

  • Is there a perceptual divergence in how girls/women face conflicts between career and family? Why don’t men face the same issues?

Yes, because girls/women will face time off for pregnancy, childrearing and are far more often the sole or primary caregiver when this happens.

notes on merit/resources

social theorists

Marx and Engels – social alienation
Adam Smith- invisible hand in economics
Max Weber – bureaucracy
Durkheim – Division of labour
Cox – class, caste and race



Meritocracy is a social system in which success and status in life depend primarily on individual talents, abilities, and effort. It is a social system in which people advance on the basis of their merits.

A meritocratic system contrasts with aristocracy, for which people advance on the basis of the status and titles of family and other relations.

Societies are built on the belief that anyone can make it with hard work and dedication. Social scientists often refer to this as the “bootstrap ideology,” evoking the popular notion of “pulling” oneself “up by the bootstraps.”

Societies of structural inequalities and systems of oppression designed and developed specifically to limit opportunities based on class, gender, race, ethnicity, ability, sexuality, and other social markers.

Glass ceiling


it’s not an explicit practice of discriminating against women, though specific policies, practices, and attitudes may exist that produce this barrier without intention to discriminate.

pink collar getto

business insider

career/family conflict


“Merit is equated with intelligence-plus-effort, its possessors are identified at an early age and selected for appropriate intensive education, and there is an obsession with quantification, test-scoring, and qualifications.”

the availability of resources to cultivate merit are largely predicated upon one’s current and historic socioeconomic status. Thus, those born into higher socioeconomic standing–those who have more wealth–have access to more resources than those born into lower standing.

While meritocracy is a noble ideal for any social system, achieving it first requires recognizing that social, economic, and political conditions may exist which make it impossible. To achieve it, then, such conditions must be corrected.

re: Waterloo Road ( Q – what is a good leader?)

re: Waterloo Road ( Q – what is a good leader?)


I’ve been streaming the BBC show Waterloo Road, and this has recently come up on that show. They’re teaching a camp or lesson frame on resilience. Plus some of the head teachers have been either good in the class or good in admin, but none seem to grasp both. I’ve been stewing over this for the duration of the show.

I don’t think it’s that simple as being a leader or follower. There has to be some level of wanting to compete and aggression/assertion to value being the leader at all. Some level of perfectionism and wanting it to the level where not having it makes you want to act. Is that an obsession? I guess that is determined by how the rest of their life is balanced, and whether or not they can turn it off at the end of the day. Whether they can relax and separate work and home or it bleeds into the other. Also whether they have to use/abuse something to switch it off. Like alcohol or drugs. Whether they get something like ulcers or hypertension from holding the stress.

Then there is the actual leading style… Are they assertive or aggressive? Authoritarian or authoritative? There is some element of being a parent as well as a teacher/role model in leadership. And realizing that you have to inspire your followers rather than being a drill sargent. Because you want a group you can leave unsupervised for 5 minutes and they won’t blow up on you or sit around like lumps. Stern, yet fair. Just yet merciful.

Empathetic. Some level of contact and inter-relationship between leader and follower, without being their friend, lover or actual parent. Some level of weave, without breaching the wall.Because the leader has to keep some distance, or they can’t see the bigger picture. They can’t make the hard decisions. A rule follower as in there is order. But knowing when the rules have to be tossed out, because there are real people who are going to be hurt. And sometimes that can be life or death. And balancing the needs of the many with the needs of the one sitting before you.

If you are a leader, you have to realize that shaping the group you have is always better than hiring and firing. Because attrition is costly.. But every now and then, there is one who just has to go. The group does need to be challenged, but again you don’t want lumps or the place to blow up. There does have be a certain level of cohesion, without being cliquish. A certain level of comfort without becoming stale. So friction is necessary. Without fisticuffs or hazing/bullying. And every now and then fresh blood needs to be added. Whether that is a new person, a new dynamic or someone needs to be promoted or a change in project types. A new way of looking at things. Maybe even a training course.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that i think that men and women often have different styles of leadership, as they do with parenting. And tbh wherever it’s possible, I think there should be both styles present to have full effect.

Gillette ad- + one on toxic femininity as well

edit Gillette ad- + one on toxic femininity as well

here are both the ads:

Gillette on toxic masculinity

It’s interesting for me that the ad on men’s attitudes was about how they relate to women. And the one on women was about how we relate to other women.

There are so many issues that define gender politics. I’m still of the position that anything that gets us talking is a good thing. So how about we discuss these things:

  • social/financial -ownership
  • who has the power?
  • Who harms the other?
  • Who is most frequently violent toward the other?
  • who controls society?
  • who excludes the other?
  • are there exceptions that prove the rule?
  • Do any of the rules change when the relationship is same gender?

So let’s get talking!

Gilles Duceppe’s mom -93 yr old politician’s mom dies of hypothermia

Gilles Duceppe’s mom -93 yr old politician’s mom dies of hypothermia

This particular death may cause waves. Year after year, the govt has been cutting funds for health and disabilities in Canada. And this time they got caught with their pants down. Because this time, it wasn’t a nameless, faceless person no one cared about who died. Frozen and alone.
7 hours outside alone, in -20 Celsius (0 is freezing) which is -4 Fahrenheit (32 is freezing) weather before they found she was missing and her body was located. After a fire alarm had gone off.

The Minister for Seniors is calling for a coroner’s inquest.
Because all it would have taken to save this life… was a head count.

… who died? A politician’s mother

Gilles Duceppe
Gilles Duceppe’s mom
Bloc Québécois

….. what the regulations are,

if you want to know how they failed her.
approx 3 hrs/24
degrees of care facilities
memory care for dementia
security measures in care homes
wandering, elopement
funding changes, staff to resident ratio
police involvement
hypothermia -@1 hour to die

Q – if there was one symbol for “light”, what would it be for you?

Q – if there was one symbol for “light”,

what would it be for you?

Does it mean spirit, goodness, wisdom, some goal? Or something else? Is it a divine thing or a more prosaic thing like the sun? Do you have ancient beliefs from sources that are magical or alchemic, or from more modern beliefs like science or technology?

Light means something to you, based on your experience and your culture. Your beliefs. Your frame of reference.

That one word permeates many situations, and sometimes in a conversation, it’s confusing what you mean by it.

So how do we clarify this one word?

Many words mean different things, depending on how you see it. Sometimes nobody really cares if they have it right or not. And other times it’s a matter of life or death to understand.

So have you decided what light means yet?

Q – a common struggle? – POC and women

Q – a common struggle? – POC and women

When I hear songs like:
Ball of Confusion-1970
The Temptations
What’s Going On-1971
Marvin Gaye
Strange Fruit-1939
Billie Holliday

and think back to the timing and what was happening then and why they were probably written, or said to be written.

When I compare them to the movements going on then:
Civil rights’ movement
Black Panthers
Martin Luther King Jr
Malcolm X

and consider how many of the same things are going on today that were going on then. I wonder if there has been progress?

And when you consider that the rights of women (chattel to personhood) and people of colour (slave to personhood) are on a similar path and time table, against the same institutions and power structures, and seem to have stalled in the same ways, I have to ask why we haven’t been working together more?

Different Thinking Leads to Different Opinions

Different Thinking Leads to Different Opinions

I get into a lot of debates on the web. In fact, I have moderated a debate board. Most of the time, the debates are friendly and informative. And a lot of fun, honestly. We act like adults and either come to an agreement, or we agree to disagree.

We don’t call each other names or attack the other person. And we all have a positive experience.

Without assigning blame, there are people I find it easier to debate with than others. Not because they’re wrong and I’m right… (ahem) But because we think in different ways.
You could blame it on our opinions, but it’s more than that. Just like some people are good at math and science and some are good at art and music. It’s the way we think that makes us good at what we have talents in. And it also frames our opinions. And maybe even the ferosity behind them.

I see people absolutely lose their cool and get nasty. Because they presume their opponent is not listening, or not willing to listen to their opinion. And it’s more likely they can’t than that they’re being stupid or mean. Being unable to leads to mutual frustration. And there is where the tempers flare up.

If you don’t know where someone is coming from in their style of thought, then you probably should take a breath and not presume they’re out to get you. Or maybe you could try changing your lingo, because not everyone has the exact same experience, education or language/ cultural references, since we come from different areas and are different ages as well.

Maybe if we do that, we can chill a little on the nastiness that gets into some of the arguments.

….. resources

types of thought
cognitive biases


the reality and responsibility of being a keyholder – cage hygiene

the reality and responsibility of being a keyholder – cage hygiene

Chastity arrangements are fun fantasies and seem innocuous enough, right? Put a cage on your guy and leave him to suffer withdrawal. Or tease his joy stick and drive him nuts, not able to do anything about it. While you go have fun with your bull. What is wrong with that? Nothing…IF your caged guy is clean and careful. And yeah you COULD say that is his responsibility, right? But is it? He is your property, therefore your responsibility.
Soooo… before you lock him up and throw away the key, or hide it for six months, there are some things you should know.
The area is covered daily with sweat, urine, and fecal matter to some degree. You need to know that he is used to being clean and careful about his junk before you cage him.

clean, – your hands first, the equipment and the penis and legs.
decontaminate, sterilize the equipment.
shave the area
Leave him a cleaning schedule and key for emergencies and be sure he is adhering to it. Check his work.
Be sure he has a plan of action for any injuries, abbrasions or sores. beyond “keeping an eye on it”. And someone to turn to he trusts, who is a medical professional. Who can take necessary care, prescribe antibiotics and take blood tests.

Then have fun.


why did I write this? I have had some experience with catheters and as a result know how readily sores and infections occur when someone isn’t taking proper care.
So when I saw a post or two about cock cages that didn’t mention hygiene and cautionary advice, I talked to a couple fet-friends and went from there. It should be fun, as long as you’re careful, or the next fantasy you’ll be dealing with in reality is castration. Minimum.

… references

the chain gang
male chastity devices
Promed – silicone, plastic


mayo clinic-staph
mayo clinic – sepsis
medlineplus- strep B



Mama Bear (a story)

Mama Bear

Helen Reddy

A smallish, not that strong, soft voiced woman can lift a car off their kid. They can move mountains, swim oceans, and can fight whatever obstacle, whatever enemy is threatening their child. Whatever is between them and their child.

People underestimate that degree of ferocious love. Until they see a bear trying to protect her cub. Then a slow moving, friendly creature rears up and growls. Saliva dripping from her teeth. And you can feel the sincerity in the amount of ripe breath you feel on your face, even though she is several feet away from you.

You can just feel the pee dripping down your leg. You can feel your spine go cold and frozen. You know she is deadly serious.

Do not underestimate a mama bear!

She will hate you till the day you die if you hurt her kid.

She will claw you, bite you, slap you and she’ll punch you with the full force of her love for her child.

She will go toe to toe against anyone who refuses her child something they need. She’ll scare any bully who goes after her child. She will fight disease, hunger, poverty, gangs, death. All to keep her child safe.

Not every woman is a mother warrior, but those that are are ferocious. Determined. Powerful. Decisive. Ready for any attack or neglect that impacts their child.

And you won’t know till you test her if this woman standing before you is that mama bear or not.

I guess you have to ask yourself, “do you feel lucky, punk?”


That is Ellie. The person everyone discounted, She was a door mat according to her exes. Her family thought she was their slave, their whipping post. Her friends took her for granted.

But the day came when they tested her and found a spine of steel. Someone threatened her child and she turned on them with the full force of a bear and showed them her full rage. Her full hate. And all they could do was stare at her. They thought they had a slave who they could control, with no questions asked. With no doubt for their authority.

And they realized now, they were so mistaken.They had thought they had a leash on a whirlwind.

Payment was due.

They called her selfish. They called her a narcissist. They tried to say she was crazy. Till they made her choose between them and her child, she had obeyed the family.

That day, she turned on them.

She left them stunned and confused. Dismayed and horrified. They pushed her too far. And they realized it the second they saw her eyes. The second she grabbed her kid up and left them in her dust.

They had no hope of controlling her again. They never saw her again.

And to this day, they blame Ellie.

Never again did they have their whipping post, their slave. She was a ghost. And so was her child.