Pandemic – Has your govt abandoned you?

Pandemic – Has your govt abandoned you?

Do you have access to:

  • rapid tests?
  • PCR tests?
  • vaccines?
  • antibody tests of blood to see if you’ve been exposed?
  • clinics or hospital beds for treatment?
  • safe isolation practices?
  • paid sick days and time off to get tested?
  • Paid caregiver time for when your family is sick?
  • work from home ability?
  • hazard pay if you can’t work from home?
  • safe(r) air ventilation in schools, congregant care facilities, hospitals and workspaces?
  • more bus/train routes to avoid overcrowding?
  • stimulant checks for families who are without incomes?
  • stimulant checks for small businesses?
  • rent freezes, eviction freezes
  • information about filing for disability if you have post viral conditions?
  • clinics for treatment of post viral conditions?

please add any innovative efforts

that your govt has provided.

Accountability in Hard Times

Accountability in Hard Times

When do you get to say that the group you were in (family, mob, gang, cult, neighbourhood, military, field of practice or study, country) influenced, coerced or forced you into doing something you would never have done otherwise? When should you be and when are you held to account despite that?

From your own action, to knowing when someone else has acted

The thinking/moral choices begins with things like whether you stole a loaf of bread because you or your family were hungry, stole a coat because you were cold, to selling drugs because you needed money or in a gang territory, you joined and engaged in their crimes with them. If you were a spouse and your partner abused and/or neglected your kids. If you were a soldier, you followed orders even though you knew civilians esp kids would be harmed. If you were a priest, doctor or teacher and covered up for a colleague’s crimes.

And as a leader, did you actually commit the crime or did you ask others to in your name?

Charles Manson

Had his followers commit crimes, many of whom faced consequences of their activities.

war crimes

We now have clear direction on what constitutes a war crime or a human rights violation, mostly due to the UN/ICC and it’s work since the Nuremberg trials.

Jan 6/2021 US Capitol insurrection

Those there, or those who incited their heightened emotions and stood back to laugh and watch as people became a mob?

But when is it your fault too?

  • Clearly, when you were one of the leaders. But that depends too on how much authority and autonomy you had in the chain of command. What usual practice and ethics of the time were.
  • Your pattern of behaviour – Outside of the group, were you a problem? Did their coercion teach you to behave this way beyond their reach?
  • when the stress of the activity and group aggression made you ill – ie PTSD, addictions, Stockholm’s Syndrome or worsened something you’d had before but had been pretty much under control till you were in the group.

It’s a complex situation. One I’m not sure even the professionals have a handle on. So do we show empathy to the point where most of the people who had no power get off? But how do we prevent these small fry from doing this again the next time some megalomaniac incites or coerces them?

Where does your line fall in these situations?

Q – Perfectionism Sought in the Group

Q – Perfectionism Sought in the Group

I often get into discussions with people about their family and friends, and how they get treated by them. They say it’s really cool to have people who check them, who don’t put up with their BS etc.

It just boggles my mind. Maybe because I’ve been in relationships where emotional abuse happened? Hypercriticism, coercive control, gaslighting…. But this kind of relationship has made me walk away. I won’t stay in it. Not before and not now either.

So I’m curious. What is the line between a friend who wants you to grow and be your best self and someone who moves on you to correct you? Whether it’s spelling & grammar, how you dress, what you eat and how much you weigh, who you date….they ‘help’ you make decisions as if you were two rather than an adult. Aren’t they showing you they have no faith in you to do it yourself? Aren’t they saying they think they’re at least better than you, if not perfect? Are they saying you’re stupid or crazy?

Do you have to be perfect to hang with your people? Or at least on your A game? Or can you just chill and be your shorts and tee self with them? Apologize if you step on their toes and kiss & make up?

Where is the line in this behaviour? Do they wait for you to ask for their advice or opinion? Do you want them to tell you if your SO hits on them? Or if they think you’re at risk in your relationship?

Are you in a dynamic that includes p/funishment, are they more your parent than your partner? Are they always the top/bottom? Is that what was agreed or did it sort of just happen that way because you’re tired of struggling with them for supremacy?

Agency – Q – Who are you more likely to stand up for? Yourself or Someone in your charge?

Agency – Q – Who are you more likely to stand up for? Yourself or Someone in your charge?

How many people actually consider the boundaries of their agency beyond day to day relationships?

Have you asked yourself these questions?:

Under what terms will you stand up for self and/or others? Do you have to be fairly calm or is it more likely to happen when you think there’s a threat to you or that person?
Do you need their permission? Or will you intervene if it’s a stranger? A child or an adult?
What about general principles? Will you protest when the cause is just, but it doesn’t necessarily affect you? Or does it have to be personal to get you to act?
Would you be willing to go to jail to be heard?
Would you consider violence to be appropriate to protect yourself or someone else? A child or an adult?
Would you become a priest, police officer, a soldier or a politician to protect the rights of yourself or others?
Would you leave your family, your marriage/relationship to stand behind yourself or someone else?
How easily influenced are you by others? Will you be the first into the fight if something is important to you?

Imagine dating as Mr Nicholas Claus….

Imagine dating as Mr Nicholas Claus….

The ad he’d place on a kinky dating site:

Ladies, I like women, bad (I’ll call you a ho!) or good women (I’ll pat your head and call you a good girl!). Round and skinny women. (I’ll feed you candies nuts and fruits) Young or old women. You can sit on my knee (My cage is on and locked. I only cum once a year!) and tell me your wishes and secrets. (I’m wearing a gag) I’ll be your best man ever. You’ll get lots of presents, many artisanal, bespoke pieces you can hand down to our children. And my ride is your ride. Anywhere you want to go in the world, all you have to do is say a word and you’ll be there. All I ask is you wear a red dress with fur on the cuffs and hem for the rest of your life. Is that something you could do?

Holiday White-Noise (a story/ish, not a happy tale)

Holiday White-Noise

(blame the fact Ontario has gone into lockdown again today for this story)

It’s everywhere…. the trees, baubles, cookies, eggnog, images of the Madonna and child, Santa and the elves, presents….

Dolores didn’t even notice it anymore. The tacky, grinding, tinny sounds that started after Hallowe’en and continued till the Epiphany in January.

She had boxes of nonsense in her attic she didn’t even unpack anymore. Lights that stayed strung on her eaves year round. Since the last time…. Dec 2019.

Dolores’ therapist tried to work with her every Christmas, but it still hadn’t changed anything. She was in a blizzard of meaningless noise from Hallowe’en to Epiphany in January.

They both knew why. No amount of understanding fixed the people who had been lost needlessly. No amount of fixing would prevent the negligence of those who could do something to prevent deaths that were sure to come, and did nothing. Two years in and people were still not revolting against the politicians who put economy over people. People should be revolting, when so many were in food lines, and so many were now houseless. Why weren’t they revolting?

What was left to do? What could Dolores do?

She put on her boots, gathered the food and meds they’d need for the next month. Made sure they had Tylenol and cough syrup in the house and lots of TP and tissue stored ready.

And some candles to light on her mantle. In memorium. And because there was a child to consider, she picked up stocking stuffers for her.

The household would gather. For her. And sing along to the carols they knew by rote, and the silly stories about Santa and the reindeer. And cheer for just one minute when they looked at her sweet face.

For her, they’d get thru these next few weeks. Wondering if there would ever be an end to this white noise.

Morale In a Relationship, Whoever Takes the Lead.

Morale In a Relationship, Whoever Takes the Lead.

A good or bad relationship isn’t all about your feelings, but they do count too. It isn’t all about being happy, content, excited. Life and love come in waves, and a lot of that is grunt work. Just getting thru each day. It’s about finding someone who has your back, who works with you to solve the problems and share the labour. To celebrate the small wins and help set the goals and boundaries. Who doesn’t undermine, criticize or sabotage you when you’re just trying to do your best. It’s more important to know that you’re safe with them than it is to decide if you’re happy.

Do you and your partner check in on your relationship status? More than you do your bank balance and credit score? Do you share your life and it’s journey? Or are you just biding time and space under the same roof? Counting heads just to say you have a relationship?

Everyone expects people to be coupled, and there are certainly incentives to couple in society, in it’s laws and religions. Families push till you get into one and have babies. Whether you want them or not. But you may or may not have a good model of what it takes to be a couple, a family.

You do have to survive the experience, and most of that is how you tread water in it together, rather than if you’re happy.


7 Signs of a Healthy Relationship

1 You’re Confident in Who You Are. …
2 You Have Good Communication. …
3 You’re Respectful. …
4 There’s No Place for Violence. …
5 You Have Realistic Expectations. …
6 You Trust Each Other. …
7 You Have Specific Boundaries Set Up.

Five signs of an unhealthy relationship

1 Dishonesty. Trust is the root of a thriving relationship. …
2 Controlling behavior. …
3 Avoidance. Addressing conflict head on is always nerve-wracking, and most people struggle to navigate difficult conversations. …
4 Insecurity. …
5 Co-dependency.

motivation and morale


Motivation & BDSM

Motivation & BDSM

We often discuss obedience and punishment in BDSM. Yet I rarely see motivation discussed. Would it surprise you to know that negative motivation is rarely effective? And it could in fact be counter to our aims as dominants and masters?

The research is showing that the best way to motivate someone is to gain their trust and respect, to have them grow to like you and admire you. To follow you of their own volition. To act because they want to.

That doesn’t necessarily exclude having play time be funishment, or humiliation. So long as the relationship is secure and healthy. So long as the person receiving it has a healthy sense of self. And are involved in the boundaries you set as a couple/group dynamic. That they are evaluated from time to time to be sure everyone is on the same page. And in a good place.

I think that is the difference between dominance and abuse. Appropriate use of the tools of BDSM. I think we need to keep learning as dominants/masters so we don’t damage the people we are in charge of.

…… resources

Tips to Be a Better Motivator

tips source

  • Set clear goals
  • Listen more and speak less
  • Praise regularly
  • Encourage others
  • Show them they can count on you

Do rewards enhance learning outcomes?

Yes, but they’re better coming from within the person. Rather than from someone else.

What about competition?

competition engages multi-faceted motivational processes, which explains why the introduction of competition does not consistently bring motivational benefits.

metamotivation and motivation contagion

Metamotivational belief refers to our beliefs and understanding of how motivation works.
Motivation contagion – certain behaviours demonstrated by one person to be imitated by observers.


Bribery is not Motivation. You can scare a person into compliance, but that’s not motivation, it is fear. You can bribe a person into feeling happy, but that’s not motivation it is temporary euphoria that is quickly replaced by a “what have you done for me lately” mentality.

Focus on a Better Culture

improve the motivating factors, such as authority, reinforcement, growth, and responsibility. With these precursors, motivation within people will grow.

Create a culture of TRUST and affection within the organization/group/relationship

An organization where all people are pursuing a common vision in an environment of trust has a sustainable competitive advantage due to high employee motivation.
Excellent leaders create a solid framework of values, vision, mission, behaviors, and strategy.
When people are reinforced for voicing their truth, even if it is uncomfortable for the boss, trust will grow.

The Priest in the Crowd (a story)

The Priest in the Crowd

Something made him take a walk after services. Even though it was his usual way to go directly home and eat the roast that his housekeeper had toiled over all morning. He was often hungry and tired and wanted nothing more than to eat and have a nap after services.

But he had this…. itch he couldn’t explain. So he walked. And let his feet guide him.

Past a pub he knew from the occasional drink with friends.

Past a restaurant he took his elderly parents to for a treat meal now and then.

Past a clinic where he volunteered as a clerk since they treated people without papers or money for their care.

And past a strip bar some of his members were really upset about and wanted his help to shut down. He chose not to get involved in their efforts. He was pretty sure there were bigger fish to fry in the fight against evils in the world.

He knew he was getting closer when he heard some tires squeal, shots, screams and a crowd rushing toward the scene. He ran toward the crowd, cassock flapping around his legs.

A car raced by him and he saw the lads in the front seat. They looked scared, even more than he was. If they did it, why would they be scared though?

It seemed like forever, but finally he was kneeling by the body of the person who was shot. And praying over him. Even though he knew it was too late.

When he finished the prayer, he looked up and saw something he recognized, even though he’d never seen one in real life. Just pictures of artists’ imaginings. But he knew exactly what it was. And it knew him as well. The being smiled at the priest. As if glad he was there to perform the rites.

A shiver went down the priest’s back. The being didn’t just know him as a priest. As they exchanged looks, the being showed him flashes of his life. Moments even he had forgotten. Hadn’t thought of in ages. Moments he’d rather have never thought of again.

The priest bowed his head in regret and fear. Then he looked up and saw the being smiling. Like he had one over on the priest.

That did it. The priest stood in righteous anger. He lifted his cross to admonish the being. But before he could articulate one word, the being was gone.

In such a narrow window of time that the police had yet to arrive. The crowd didn’t seem to realize anything untoward had occurred. It looked like all that had happened was the priest had said a prayer, then having finished regained his feet.

But the priest knew. The being knew.

And in that second, the priest became aware of his new calling.

Later that afternoon, he was on the phone to his bishop. He wanted to know how to become an exorcist. To no longer be just one of the crowd.

The being and he had a date in the future. And both intended to be ready for it.

Demons Called Flash and Butterfly (a story)

Demons Called Flash and Butterfly

Flash and Butterfly grew up together in the angelic realm. They were mentored by all the best angels. They read from the same book of hymns. They listened when the heavens separated and took the shadow road of rebellion together. Though they each loved the fractals of light. They each remembered their learning and teachers fondly. As students, they were often seen as twins, they were so alike.

But as demons….

Flash was the type of demon that went for the larger, darker plays of power and manipulation. He sought out the kings and money-makers. Looking to create tidal waves, mobs and wars.

Butterfly was all about the little moves that accumulated. The secrets, lies and indiscretions. He sought out the jaded and forlorn.

Flash and Butterfly weren’t often at the same places at the same times. But every now and then….

And today was such a day.

In a small town, Butterfly was looking for little troubles to augment. And he had quite a full load of people to see and influence for the greater game. The seeds of storm and chaos were being sown.

And he was quite surprised to see Flash walking down the street towards him. They greeted each other with much affection. And of course Butterfly had to ask just WHAT Flash was doing in such a small place….

Well it seems a motorcade had been diverted due to bad weather….. And in that time, there was an opportunity for a bigwig to be taken down. There was a beauteous creature ripe for the picking who would grab his eye, or some other body part. And there was a photographer with a grudge following the motorcade. All Flash needed to do was secure the opportunity. A dalliance caught on camera, blackmail, disclosure.

It wouldn’t mean much to the woman. She would go on with her life in this little town where few outsiders or big media came. It was just too far off the beaten track.

But the photographer would be invited to a big city job with a real rise in income and the reputation of his peers. And the politician would fall. From his seat and out of his marriage and family.

Both Flash and Butterfly rubbed their hands with glee.

Happy to see each other, Happy to separate the tasks between them so they could easily get things done. Happy to watch as the plan unfolded.

Flash got the power influences he loved. The show.

Butterfly got the chance to titillate and whisper, which he loved.

By the end of the day

Years of turmoil and change were in motion. With the truly innocent out of the whole fray, and back at home.

It seems this particular bigwig had actually been a voice of reason and peace. And when that was removed, the world moved toward yet another war. For wont of a secure zipper in his pants. Nothing new in that, is there?