The Threat of Isolation
When someone is intentionally after you, they want you vulnerable and unable to get help. So just like predatory animals, they cull you from the herd. They cause disruptions with your friends and family. They say things like they are trying to cause problems. They’re a threat to the relationship somehow. Or maybe as simple as taking too much time away from your relationship. That you should be spending time and energy on them. That they don’t understand your partner and they don’t want to deal with that. That they shouldn’t have to. Or that they were flirting, lying about them and trying to separate the two of you. That they’re a bad influence.
And soon enough you see that everyone you ever knew is gone. Either the two of you are alone, or it’s all their family and friends. Nobody is there for you.
Nobody is there to support and encourage you. Even agree with you. Nobody is there who will care if you are hurt or harmed. And that gives your partner a LOT of room in which to hurt you more. Because with that loss of support, your self esteem gets smaller and smaller. And their power over you grows.
This is relevant in any kind of relationship.
And it’s also relevant in the kink and bdsm world.
If a person is new in kink, they should have a lot of people sharing their experience and thoughts with them. Because one person teaching them just passes on mistakes and wrong thoughts.
If a person is in a relationship, they should have people checking in on them. Supporting each individual and the couple. Because stressors happen. And it helps to get a varied POV on how life goes.
It doesn’t matter if it’s a munch, a play party of friends, or a dungeon with it’s classes. Even in a really isolated, small place, books would be better than nothing.
Just something so you have more than the voice of the devil in your ear. That is basically what having one teacher is IMO.
It isn’t so much about meeting them alone. It’s about them thinking that nobody will be there to stop them if they want to kill you. That nobody will be there to dissuade their impact, if they teach you “The Book According to ………” and expect you to memorize it. Instead of thinking for yourself.
I get that when you’re in the midst of NRE, you want to spend every second with this person, but don’t! You need to keep your friends and family around you. And if your new partner is truly in it for your sake as well as theirs, they’ll understand. You need that network around you, for your own safety and the health of your relationship.
So keep that in mind.
Isolating you from your safety network and your choir of influences is a bad thing! You need people around you beside your new partner and/or teacher/dominant.
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