Man in Shower (a story)


Man in Shower

shampoo song

Washing my hair to get the day’s grit and grime out of it. The sweat of the journey, and the frustration of all my days of work gone with the foam.

I can feel the tension releasing as the hot water streams over my body. Is there such a thing as too many suds? Can I stand under the water, till the heater runs out?

Am I losing my hair? I can see the clog in the drain. I had to kick it out of the drain, so my feet weren’t covered by water.

My hands and feet are wrinkly, my skin is reddened. And I can barely stand anymore. So down I sat on the floor of the tub. And kept the water running.

I know it’s not the water than I need, because I’ve never been that dirty. It’s not like I’m in sewage of any kind. It’s the release of the emotion. If I were a woman, maybe I could have a good cry?

There’s no one watching. no one would know. Can I try it this once?

It’s hard to get that first tear out. I feel guilty, like I’m letting the side down. But once done, there is just no stopping them. And I wonder if I’ll find the valve so I can turn this off again. Before someone sees, before someone knows.

I make sure to get some shampoo in my eyes, so I can honestly explain my red and puffy eyes. And as the water cools, I finally turn the taps off and dry myself.

I end up sitting on the toilet for awhile, and then make an effort to get dressed. It’s time. I have to face the world now. And no one must know that I’m having one hell of a bad day.

The shower is over, I am dry, and dressed. and finally I have exited the room. Stiff upper lip and all. The mess is tucked inside again.

On “dude looks like a lady” Gender Bending beyond the song.

On “dude looks like a lady” Gender Bending beyond the song.


Some guys like exploring their feminine side. And that is usually a matter of degree. They might try on their mom’s or sister’s clothes one day when they’re left home alone. They might go to a Halloween party in “drag”. They might be metrosexual in their look. A little feminine flair or mystique to their high end or artistic lifestyle image.

It used to be a thing, with pop/rockers like Iggy Pop who said “I’m not ashamed to ‘dress like a woman’ because I don’t think it’s shameful to be a woman.” David Bowie , Alice Cooper … who ran the gamut from a little flair beyond stage makeup, female lingerie onstage to gender bending. Some did it to shock, some did it because that is who they were.
And some were from the punk and grunge era. Those who were emulating earlier traditions in rock. And out came the gender play.

…. How does that translate into day-to-day?

A guy might wear nicer fabrics (like silk, linen), he might wear a little eye liner or mascara to make his eyes pop. He might get mani/pedicures. He might wear women’s lingerie under his suit. And few would know, unless they were watching him dress or saw his bathroom and his self-care products. Or peeked thru his closets and dressers.

….. How accepted it is

Depends on cultural factors. And the typical dress of a man. It’s harder to do when you’re expected to wear a suit or even jeans and a tee to work. But there are many men around the world who wear caftans daily. And their female counterpart is something like a sari.

And it also depends how artistic your community and occupations are. A little eye make up might be all you can get away with. With maybe a longer hair cut.

And frankly the feminine wardrobe does have a LOT more to offer, in creativity and sensuality.

…. then there are those

who spend hours and serious coin gathering their wardrobe for their “gurl” side to play.

….. and then there are those who

take being feminine beyond that. They dress “gurl” to be part of a D/s relationship. Some to exhibit a side of themselves they don’t often get to. And some want to be humiliated for it.

…. it’s all in their comfort level.

How their friends and lovers view sexuality. How they themselves view gender and how it relates to them.

…. and you might see them on a fetish/kink site

showing themselves in their full personhood, male and female displayed. They might be a sissy, a doll, a princess… or register as NB so they can be who and what they want that day. They explore the feminine to learn … I guess empathy? What is it like to live as a woman?

…. and that is without gender disparity.

I haven’t discussed the LGBTQ folk who do more than play. That is a totally different discussion, isn’t it? Today it’s just about those who “play”. And how that can be displayed.

The Chains Around a Poor Girl (a story/ish)


The Chains Around a Poor Girl

She was born in a small county hospital, where the doctors didn’t have the same quality of tools to use when things went wrong. And due to their training, or lack there of, they couldn’t come up with solutions for working around all the problems.

Then she went home with a mom who could barely feed herself. And had to water down the formula she fed her babe. Cuzz there were only so many times she could go to the food bank in a month.

She spent more time running around naked than even having diapers on.

And the only person who took care of her, besides her mom, was the kind grandma down the hall. But only long enough so mom could carry in the groceries or take out the garbage.

Dad was not around, And no one else could be bothered.

Mom did send her to school, but only cuzz CPS made her. Because the closest schools were rife with gangs and drugs. But then, so was her apt building. Mom took her to a park several bus stops away instead of the one across the street. She got her clothes from the food bank as well as the food.

When she was a teen, she and her mom both got a job the same week. But they still got stamps cuzz the utilities and rent were more than they could afford. And housing lists took longer than most kids’ time at home where they lived.

What did her future look like? She was more likely to go to prison or jail than to college. Even with a mother who loved her. She’d either get pregnant young, become a prostitute, go on drugs, or die in gang violence. It was a really bad area of a really bad town.

It was a bit too soon to tell what life held for her. But her mom spent more time on her knees than most moms near her would. Not that that helped her girl out.

Bare Feet (a story)

Bare Feet

His Honourable Steven MacEnroy was known thru the community for his state of dress and bearing. He wore the latest designer fads of suits. He wore the best fabric and styles and went only to places where he could show that off.

Maybe His Honour did that because he was raised in poverty and now wanted to be seen only at his best? Or maybe it was to contrast his large physique? He was imposing and he thought seeming almost decorative and wearing such soft, supple fabrics might soften his looks. But some might say it had the opposite effect actually. He now appeared wealthy, so that made him imposing on two counts.

There was only one person who got to see him in anything less than perfect dress. That was his Domme. Her aim was to remind him of where he came from, so he never got too big for his britches

And the thing that they had arranged that reached His Honour the easiest, quickest, yet deepest was being made to wear nothing on his feet. At her house, he was under strict instructions to leave his shoes by the front door. And tuck his socks into them. And spend his time with her with bare feet.

Because as a child, he hadn’t had shoes. He went to church and school with bare feet. And it didn’t matter how smart or good looking he was, he’d been mocked for that.

To some, this might have motivated them. And it had that element with His Honour. After all, he had finished school, and gone on to univeristy, then law school, then worked his way thru the rolls till he bacame a judge, then a superior court judge. Then finally a Supreme Court Judge. He had gone as high as he could go.

To everyone else he had achieved it all.

And His Honour was thrilled with that. His Honour was happy with that. But there was someone else to consider….

Little Stevie was still in there. Wanting to be seen and heard. Wanting to be a careless, reckless little boy again.

And there were many days on the bench, when His Honour took his feet out of his shoes when he pondered a major decision. To remind himself that he hadn’t been born important. He hadn’t always had it easy. Nobody but him knew that he did that.

So the bare feet had moral and ideological impact in a way that nothing else had. And he had trusted his Domme enough to share that with her.

And she wanted to reach his inner self. She wasn’t much interested in dealing with His Honour. She met 100s of him. But she adored little Stevie. And he adored her too.

Criminal Minds Ends – One of my faves ever (sobs)

Criminal Minds Ends – One of my faves ever (sobs)


15 seasons later…. And so good! Even with drama behind the seasons and character shifts, people leaving as if they really WERE a govt office. They managed to hold the interest of fans. I think I saw every thing the franchise had to offer but the one in South Korea.

I have such an interest in this field that I actually registered for criminolgy at univ. I’d imagine it’s a high burn out field. I don’t shy away from those kind, but maybe my actual path kept me believing in humanity’s good and criminology may have made that harder for me? Who knows? But it’s the path not travelled for me. Which is part of the reason why I loved the show.

Each season seemed to have personal and professional dilemmas for the characters, and bigger chases as well as the weekly cases. And it developed as almost an educational tool for the viewer as well. I actually learned stuff thru the show, which bore out in reading I did as an interest. I love it when a show excites me enough that I read up on it too. But I’m a media geek lol

I actualy liked the ending too. (Never fear! No spoiler alerts here!) And loved the song they picked too! (music nerd too). It was appropos. 🙂 You’ll see why!

But you have to wonder where TV land will take us next? I think it’ll be a hard act to follow. They had a bit of everything in it. But one of my fave relationships was the one between Spencer and his mom. It was sweet! IMO

Did you catch it?

No Ordinary Circus (a story)


No Ordinary Circus

But of course you see all the usual things: The big top show with the animals that do tricks; bears, monkeys, big cats. You see people doing the same ones: juggling, dancing, doing acrobatic tricks. You see dogs and ponies running and jumping over objects and some go thru hoops, some that are on fire. And magic shows.

Then you go thru the back alley tents and see games, special people doing special things. and sometimes special people just being themselves, only captured to be put on display.

And the clowns were everywhere. Spook houses, mirror halls and fun rides for the kids. And fortune tellers.

And then there is the unusual feature to this circus. The thing that makes it unique enough to take it past it’s gothic influence, and into the supernatural.

Circuses have people who run off from their family and normal lives, odd people who don’t fit into society and find a home in this community, and young people looking for an adventure before they settle down to hearth and occupation. Some of them do go back. Some of them stay in the circus.

So people coming in and going was not abnormal. Some people walking thru the circus never to be seen again is not abnormal. The front and back gates revolve.

But there are also families in the circus. People who have been there for generations. The handlers of the animals, the trick riders, acrobats, and dancers. And the people who ran the games and exhibits. The owner and his family. So some people do get stuck there too.

So if you were to think anything was strange, what do you think it could be? And how would you know? A circus is full of strange.

It’d be the perfect place to hide in plain sight. People on the run, and people who are up to no good.

But still, there is nothing unusual in what I’ve said.

I’ve even heard of circuses that become portals in time and space. The spirits of time past gather, because there is a lot of human energy in a circus. And not all of it’s history is good. Like the shaming of Indigenous and African people by making them exhibits for audiences to mock and coo over.

It sounds like the perfect atmosphere for a vengeful spirit story, doesn’t it?

I guess you’ll have to stay tuned….

pt 2

In the center of the circus was a pile of stones that almost no one took seriously. They had some hieroglyphs painted on them, but since no one understood them or even where they came from, no one paid them attention.

But they didn’t see the blood that was beginning to get quite thick on the bottom of the stones, or maybe they would have looked closer.

Someone was sticking themselves and making a sigul with the drops, over and over in the same spot.

They didn’t know that wine and honey were poured over the earth under the stones, and were chanted over either.
Maybe they would have paid closer attention.

Esp if they had known that something was being called forth. Something ancient. Some might call her evil… But in the grand scheme of things, she was part of the necessary spirit-verse.

Who was she? What was her role?

She was a gatekeeper of sorts. One who had been defeated by a hero, One who had wanted to be defeated by a hero, so she could move on to another realm.

But maybe after watching humanity all these years, she now wanted to be the gatekeeper again. Because before she had felt guilty for what she had done. But now she didn’t. Not at all.

So she had come to this person, this human, in his dreams and encouraged his devotion. Till he built the shrine and made his daily small sacrifices to her. A bit of his own blood everyday

And finally she was ready…

She walked forth with her questions ready, And this time the sphinx hoped there was no hero to stop her.

Humanity had gotten too big for it’s own britches after all.
It was time to devour them, one and all. One by one.

Hyper or Hypo Descent – Mixed Races/ the Theory

Hyper or Hypo Descent – Mixed Races/ the Theory

Thru war and migration patterns, people have been moving about and breeding within and outside of their ethnic groups. Which has led to a state of many people having genetic history from more than one ethnicity.

Whether they “pass” among the dominant social group or not, often determines how they are treated by those in power. Esp in times when their primary ethnic group is at war with the primary group of that place.

And when there are issues such as slavery of the lower power group, this can determine if you are now considered a chattel, or commodity, rather than a person. And can determine if you are given basic human rights, such as owning property, freedom of movement, and voting.
Men often get more status than women as well. But that can be swayed by how masculine they are perceived to be by the primary power group.Which is not by their own culture’s standards, but those of the one in power. Which may be led in brute strength, leadership, or intellectual opportunities.
And women are more treasured by how compliant they are to those in power. not necessarily standards held within their own group. But how their efforts support the causes of the group in power.

The group in power is looking for ways to assimilate or separate the lesser power groups. So they sort them by whatever bias works for their aims. And the easiest ones are appearance and behaviour.

And a blood mix where the woman is the lower ethnic group is more readily favoured.

Racism is systemic. We as individuals do get advantages since it exists. But one person rarely has enough power or influence to carry out a war or riot, to truly assimilate or separate someone who doesn’t meet the goals of our biases. One person can rape or murder someone they feel is lesser in status than they are. But that rarely makes others around them feel that unsafe. If it’s a once happening event. If it’s a pattern of behaviour, it may have more effect, depending how safe the group feels.

And that would depend on what their relationship is with those in power, how assimilated they are, as well as their appearance and status.

Often this is all down to how much of the lesser ethnc group they have in their “blood”. Such as the “one drop rule” in the American south. and Metis status in the Canadian “Indian” act. To what degree does this person belong to the villified group?

……. sources for more reading

First, individual racism involves those individuals who hold racist beliefs. Here racist ideas often overlap with such concepts as prejudice, xenophobia, bigotry, and intolerance. But the key distinguishing feature of individual racism is that the group differences are viewed as innate and unchangeable. If assimilation or conversion is viewed as possible, then intolerance is involved but not racism. Second, situational racism occurs when racist behavior is shaped by the social context. This occurs when face-to-face situations are patterned, based on racist beliefs, to place one group in an inferior position in intergroup interaction. This occurs, for example, when one racial group in a situation possesses most of the resources that emphasize the status differences between the groups. Finally, third, structural and cultural racism results when a society’s institutions are shaped by racist beliefs and results in group discrimination. Indeed, racism’s effects can invade virtually all of a society’s institutions. Thus, racism differentiates human beings from one another by presumed “races,” and this leads to unequal access to resources and opportunities as well as to other forms of inequality such as gender-, ethnic-, and class-based inequity. Much of the research on racism has focused on anti-black racism in the United States; but non-American references with other racist targets are included.
Thomas Pettigrew

Marxism and the concept of racism


Feminist sociologist Patricia Hill Collins (1990) developed intersection theory, which suggests we cannot separate the effects of race, class, gender, sexual orientation, and other attributes.
Lumen Learning


the definition of hypo and hyper descent where mixed race children and people are linked to either the more dominant or lower status group by image.


cultural entrenchment of America’s traditional racial hierarchy, which assigns the highest status to whites, followed by Asians, with Latinos and blacks at the bottom.
Harvard Gazette


This research establishes that the use of hypodescent extends to minority as well as majority perceivers but also shows that the beliefs associated with the use of hypodescent differ as a function of perceiver social status. In doing so, we broaden the social scientific understanding of hypodescent, showing how it can be an inclusionary rather than exclusionary phenomenon.

Paranormal Dating Elite: V-Day Event (a story)


Paranormal Dating Elite: V-Day Event

All the invitations had gone out for the big Valentine’s Day Party at the dating agency.

There were the usual things: flowers, wine, romantic music for dancing, chocolates and h’ordeauvres. More for show than anything though. Since the paranormal don’t really make eating and drinking a habit. But there is no harm in looking like any other dating service, on the most romantic day of the year. In fact one could say looking normal may be saving a few of their lives…. well, afterlives?

MGMT had also also hired some youngish people to wander around in their lingerie and flirt with the guests. Maybe dance with a few of the least likely to be paired up by the end of the night.

A witch met the guests at the door and read them the rules for the night. She asked if she could spell the zombies, so their parts didn’t drop off during the evening. And asked the young vamps and werebeasts if they’d like a drink that’d help curb their hunger. The agency’s events had a bite-free policy. Not that there were many freshies around, but for the few who attended, MGMT didn’t want them assaulted. The guests were mostly cooperative.

All tribal conflicts were suspended for the event. Because the guests thought they wanted love more than hate, at least for today.

When all the guests had arrived, the MC started the love games. They usually ended up with a couple in a room, by themselves. So they could get chatty, or get intimate. (It’s not like they’d end up with an STD or a pregnancy. so all they needed was some discretion)

There were cards with get-to-know-you questions on them, and some had suggested answers too. If someone was really inept socially. And there were cards that had conversational bullet points.

Some of the staff had gone thru rag mags, entertainment news, and art mags and put together a list of people who had done something that day. Had a baby, got married, won an award, died… that kind of stuff. So the guests might see a star or athlete they followed on the list.

Each card was in a different colour, so the people who wanted to do a specific thing could gather with a staff member wearing that colour tee shirt.
It gave the guests a screen to see who had the same interests. And what they were there for, in a way too. I mean, hookup and relationships are both good, whether human or paranormal. Just so long as everyone is clear about what they want.

The coup of the night was when a couple old members jumped the broom. They had been together a few decades, and kind of wanted to show they were in it for the long haul.
The staff and MGMT were thrilled to help with that. They thought the show might give hope to the guests. And it did, to some of them.

It was a long, glorious evening for everyone. The chatters chatted and a few left with someone they wanted to spend more time with. The hook ups went well. And the couples went off to continue their love story.

And a few of the staff stayed to put away the food, drinks and clean up. And take the garbage down to the dump site in town. They didn’t really want anyone outside the agency in-the-know about just how little actually got consumed.
Everything was put away till next event. And the place was locked up, like it had never been used.

Except a white feather, under a table, that they missed.
The owner of the building came by in the AM, and wondered how that feather had come to be there. Noone was suppoed to be using the place, after all.

Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day

When thinking of V-day, most people think about the card companies, chocolates and roses. About how there is so much expectation around the day for lovers and spouses. It’s all supposed to be romance, champagne and fancy dinners. Maybe dancing or a movie with your hands clasped and a few kisses shared. Teens might spend most of it in the back seat of a car, probably daddy’s. Or playing sexy games like “spin the bottle” or “five minutes in the closet”. (I know, I’m showing my age, aren’t I? lol)

Some of you may know there was at least one saint named Valentine, who was beheaded for his support of young lovers. But did you know he was actually a bit of a heretic, going against the church in his efforts to see young men didn’t go to war, by marrying them? At least that is one story! Of three.

Like all major holidays of today, the Catholic/early Christian church tried to build something over a pagan holiday. Over pagan gods. The only question was: were the gods Roman or Greek? Were they covering a sordid tale of incest, rape, or something else? Usually!

And in the 14th Century, the poets started getting hold of the concept of linking romance to the day, vs fertility gods and practices. Poets like Chaucer.

Now the pressure was on for more than coupling cuzz everyone else in your church did it, and coupling cuzz s/he was the grand passion of your life. A longer and longer life.
And finally we come to the first commercial Valentine’s Day cards sold in 1915. Long long after the day was a thing.

For the lovers, it’s a lovely day. For the broken hearted and lonely, the history still has things you might enjoy knowing. And dreaming of: like the slapping, whipping of young maidens and field grains. or the beheading of heretics by popes. Or tales of gods who misbehave.

There is a little something for everyone in one day.
So from me to you, as it comes closer,

Happy Valentine’s Day!

(I know I’m a sop, right? lol)

…. for more info


Patty’s First Child -911 (a story)

Patty’s First Child -911

(TW – Pay attention, this is a sensitive subject. And i rarely give content warnings.)

Patty and her husband had tried so hard to get pregnant, with fertility planning, then treatment including IVF. They’d had false readings and miscarriages.

So when baby Tristan came along, they were nervous, but oh so thrilled. More Mark than Patty though. Patty was a basket case of nerves. Always expecting something might go wrong during the pregnancy, she actually got worse, even in the hospital.

The nurses and doctors couldn’t slow her down or calm her down. And they actually had a care team meeting to see if they should keep her in longer than 24 hrs. But the psych intern said she was just suffering from the blues and discharged her.

But by the next day, even Mark could tell something was wrong. He made Patty tell him what was going on in her mind, when he found her pallid and hysterically crying in a closet, with the baby clutched desperately in her arms.
Patty said there was someone banging at the windows and doors, calling to her to give them the baby. Saying she wasn’t fit to have him and they needed to save him.

But Mark had been home and heard nothing. Nothing at all, but Patty pacing back and forth, trying to soothe the baby during a crying jag.

Mark called the hospital and they urged him to bring Patty and the baby in to emerg.

So he did. He told Patty the car ride might help the baby and her calm down. If someone was out to take the baby, they might see they were making an effort and ease up.

She agreed, mostly because he insisted.

The car ride was a terror. Patty was looking over her shoulder and begging him to go faster. He refused, which made her more upset. She talked faster and faster. She was pivoting back and forth and almost screaming in his ear.

It was a good thing Mark was a fairly stable man, or her distress might have had him upset too. Don’t get me wrong, he was worried about his wife. But he was less than five minutes away from the ER dept. And help.

Mark waited till the last moment to turn into the lane for the ER, so Patty wasn’t tipped off.

And a couple orderlies were waiting outside for them, to assist. Trust me it was necessary. Patty was unable to be reasoned with or soothed. The psych intern came running out and gave her a needle. It took a minute for her to calm down. But it did occur, finally. It was a long minute. And the orderlies put Patty in a chair, and Mark followed with the baby in his car seat.

The ER doctor ordered labs and a head scan and they settled down to wait. A nurse came and looked at the baby, and drew a bit of blood from him as well. Patty had been weepy, but she dozed under the sedative.

The psych intern and Mark spoke outside the door. He got a quick education about post partum psychosis, and how her history might have triggered this. But they wanted to be sure, hence the labs and scan.

A few hours later, there was no finding in the baby’s labs and Patty’s were fine too. But she was rousing, and getting distraught again. The intern topped up her dose. And soon she was able to be soothed again.

So they went with that as a diagnosis and admitted Patty to be further evaluated.

And Mark called his mom to come take the baby home so he could stay with Patty at the hospital. He wanted to know she was settling down and coming back to reality before he left her.

It took a few days for Patty to be herself, but the hospital held her for a few weeks. They didn’t want her having another episode at home. There was no telling who would be harmed if that happened.

Patty received meds, and talk therapy. The baby and Mark came to visit her for about an hour twice a day her whole stay.

Patty had trouble holding the baby at first. She was afraid to get attached to Tristan. Convinced someone intended to take him from her. She trusted Mark and his mom. So Pamela stayed with the baby till Patty could come home. That helped Patty a lot to calm down and work on her therapies.

Finally Patty was allowed to come home. Pamela had some cake and balloons in the kitchen to welcome her.

And the new family settled into their new life together. With Pamela staying over till the doctors were pretty sure Patty was over the worst of it and would be safe with Tristan.

Pamela moved back home, but she and Patty’s mom took turns staying with Tristan while Patty went to her treatment appts.

But it did look as if things would be ok. Everyone was on team Tristan, and Patty knew that. It was actually sinking in.
Deep into her soul.

for more information….