the forensic chair

  • OMG she was a stunning woman! As soon as he saw her, he had a crush on her. He was eager to please and thrilled he got this time with her. But it didn’t take long before he started to notice something. Either she was really thorough, or she was going above and beyond. He doubted he’d ever know…
  • First she did a physical work up. She had blood drawn; took his vitals; palpitated his chest and belly; then did a genital and prostate exam. Ok that gets done at any doc’s office. He got that, but geesh she spent a long time at it. He had to grab his crotch a couple times so he didn’t blow!
  • Finally she sent him to imaging for a PET scan of his brain. Much as he hated that, he wasn’t thrilled about going back to her. What would she do next?
  • (NEEDLE #1 – Methamphetamine – patient edgy, fidgety and complained of being hot)
  • Ok not so bad, she wanted to do the psych inventories and cognitive tests. How could this go wrong?
  • Halstead–Reitan Neuropsychological Battery
  • Delis–Kaplan Executive Function System
  • the WAIS-4 (Wechsler Adult Intelligence Scale, 4th edition)
  • Vineland Adaptive Behavior Scale (VABS-2), Adaptive Behavior Assessment System (ABAS-2) or Scales of Independent Behavior (SIB-R)
  • the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory II (MMPI-II), the Personality Assessment Inventory (PAI) and the Millon Clinical Multiaxial Inventory III (MCMI-III)
  • .(NEEDLE #2 – hydromorphone – patient complains of seeing things, spinning, patient is shivering and asks for a blanket)
  • The neuropsychiatric mental status examination; pay attention to motor skills:posture, gait, and movement of limbs, trunk, and face (spontaneous, resting, and after instruction)
  • How could it go wrong?? The questions got really, really invasive. Last time he took a crap; how he slept; how often he masturbated; what his sex fantasies were; how many partners he had had… And she was flirting with him between the questions? Well, he had no doubt he was good looking. He did have women hitting on him quite often… FINALLY he was allowed to take a smoke break 😛
  • (NEEDLE #3 – Propofol – patient complains of burning and gets agitated with observer, gives ladicaine dose)
  • I was getting really upset with her, but she was patience personified with me. So I calmed down fairly quickly, for me I mean. I continued to comply. Was it my crush or the white coat syndrome? I’ll probably never know that either.
  • Next, she hooked me up to leads to monitor my BP and respiration. She also put some kind of cock ring and sleeve on my penis. I looked at her oddly and she said it was called a Penile Plethysmography test. Um ok it has a Latin name? It must be part of the testing?
  • I was made to watch all kinds of movies in my underwear. In a cold, metal chair. Barely cushioned. I was uncomfortable and jittery.
  • The movies were of all the illegal sex things everyone tells you you shouldn’t do, right? But the chair was buzzing; there was a hot woman leaning over me; did I mention her sexy perfume?; I swear I saw her lacy bra; and she kept touching me whenever she was close enough to… Yeah let’s just say I was primed and leave it at that. Not that I was into the pictures. 😛 She also has a really sexy voice and was asking me all kinds of questions about my sexual history and fantasies again. She said it was from The Abel Assessment for Sexual Interest . Um ok? But finally it was done. I held it together. Whew!
  • (NEEDLE #4 – methylprednisolone – patient complains of “pins and needles” sensation and is hyper-alert )
  • I was allowed to get dressed and we did what she called an outtake interview. She asked if I was ok and gave me a nice soothing cup of herbal tea. I was sent back to my room. No great surprise, I had to whack off. OMG is that really how they do these things??
  • (-OBSERVATION- Patient is alert, aware, compliant and answered test questions cooperatively, despite distractive techniques. Patient’s eyes are alert, gait is normal. Unlikely to be brain impaired. Test results, pending.)

Super Soldier

Many centuries ago, there was a man named Socrates. And another man named Plato who wrote about his philosophies. The piece we are referring to today is called, "The Republic". Plato outlined what the perfect soldier was in his republic, and how to raise this guy. To teach him to think and to isolate him from the common people so he could just follow orders. Hmmm.
tina turner we don’t need another hero
Centuries later, the scientists worked on studying something they called "the Genome Project". They basically outlined what human beings are made of.
Time ran on, and the scientists decided to clone and splice these genes until they came up with something we know today as the super soldier. It was a lot like a witch putting bits into a cauldron that went toward a recipe. They tossed out Plato…and spliced a bunch of animals together with man to create him.
beast mr hurricane
That was back in the day of the patriarchy though. Today’s super soldier is a woman. We like the way women think when they’re angry. Well aggressive. It suits a soldier better. And when we tweaked her natural inclinations with beasties, she was an amazing and awesome creature.
helen reddy I am woman
Would you like to hear what animals were chosen and why? Tehehe like you have a choice.
She had to be a good fighter, so the first animal was an ELEPHANT SEAL. They are huge and aggressive creatures and she had to be strong after all, right?
Next… she had to be able to strategize. So the next creature was a SIAFU ANT. They plot, plan and work together as an army and they are lethal little critters. How could that go wrong in a super soldier?
She had to be able to hunt as a team and work with her group, so next came a LION. They surround, ambush and separate the weakest and kill that one. A lion’s speed was also an asset. By the way, the female lion is the hunter of their species.
She had to be able to herd and coral her prey, so we added a DOLPHIN. Their size and strength are certainly assets.
An ELEONORA FALCON was our next choice. They actually imprison their prey and keep them alive for days in the late summer, so they have fresh food to eat when the time comes.
We wanted the soldiers to think in terms of luring too. So we added a few splices:
The ALLIGATOR SNAPPING TURTLE was added because they lay under water and fake fish out by making their tongue act and look like a worm is on the water.
The HERON was added because they throw small things in the water as bait so the fish get curious and come look.
The COATI because they divide the hunters into two groups. Some stay on the ground, waiting for their prey. Others climb into the trees and scare the iguanas into jumping into the group of their compatriots at the bottom of the trees. Those at the bottom catch and kill them then.
The MARGAY is a little mimic. It can sound like a distressed baby monkey and make adult monkeys come look.
Last splice is the male CHIMPANZEE. He kills baby chimps and also spends hours (??!!) raping a female he has hunted down. Imagine that!
When you add a woman as an interrogator and a flexible, endurance styled creature who can take a LOT of pain (think child birth?), she makes an amazing soldier anyway. Enhanced, she is a treasure.
gowan strange animal
When we had resolved a few things in our time, we sent her back to correct a few things in earlier times. I mean who would suspect a woman as a super soldier sent thru time anyway? She had the perfect disguise! They never make a woman the hero in a sci fi movie about soldiers from the future, do they? She became quite the heroine wherever she went.
nightwish I wish I had an angel
And for some reason, she was a lot sturdier mentally in combat. There were a few theories about the why… Was it due to her ability to dissociate and compartmentalize? Was it because she was willing and able to talk things thru and identify her feelings and cry them out? In the end, does it matter?
guetta & sia titanium
She could talk most people into what she wanted and get help when she needed it quite easily. And she was easily able to blend in wherever she went.
one tin soldier
She became so effective that peace talks were more sought out than war. And the world turned into a much nicer place to live.
john lennon imagine

I will…

I will love myself. I will treat myself kindly and only say nice things about me to myself and to others. I will surround myself with supportive, positive people so I can be surrounded by light. I will immerse myself in things I enjoy, so each day is a fun adventure. I will make my life a joyous event. I will find ways to show the world and the people in it that I care, because I do. I will worship what is good, what is right and what is natural and not build any sham or shame palaces. I will try to approach new people and things with a positive attitude. I will be responsible for myself and my reputation as a positive force in the world.

I will be the change I want to see in the world. (Gandhi)

I will accept myself as I am I am a woman, a sister, a daughter, a mother, a lover, a friend, and those are good things to be. The world could not survive without these things.

by loving myself, I draw love and light around me I show others how I want to be treated in how I treat myself first. Without loving myself, I cannot know what love is when it comes toward me.

I will love what I like about myself, I will work on growing and respecting myself and I will tolerate and accept that I am not perfect yet and am not likely to be. I am a human, not a goddess, so being perfect is not achievable in this form.

I will try to speak with a positive voice, everyday.

I am me and I am worthy of love. Just because I exist.

And no one in my life should tell me anything different. Including myself.

the fisher

Kayla posts nude pictures, but are they of her? The men gather around, and drool, with their tongues hanging out. Suddenly they can only be her friend if she gets some present off the web. Or if they follow her to some obscure site.Cassie has a really sad story, that makes everyone cry. They want to help, but is it truth or a lie?Rhonda exchanges letters, so hot and steamy, that she has a few friends who think they have a relationship of meaning. If only they talked to each other, they’d see the underlying script. But, since they haven’t, they send her money for a plane ticket and hotel reservation. One excuse, two excuse, ok now she has the money all collected. Off her account goes, to replaced with another one, pictures set for friends only.Valerie is bait. Some hot pictures and an address or kik where the greedy can have her. Only to find that the person they meet is a blackmailer, a robber, a rapist or the FBI. Somehow their fantasy was never to be a victim or a prisoner. I wonder why?You’d think they would be wiser, these internet savvies. Have they forgotten? Nope, but they seem to think they are the exception. No one can get to them. They’re the strongest, wisest of the whole world. Yet she got under their skin. The hook was set so deep, they needed surgery to get it back out again.


Niko was a very strong willed man. He would shout sooner than talk things thru. He would rant and rage sooner than chat with his women, as he called them. Given that, it was no wonder he collected a different kind of woman around him. Let me tell you about his types…Niko went to the gym and the bar outside work, so he wanted either a woman who would tolerate his absence or join him at his occupations. But most of all, he wanted a woman he could control.He wanted a slut he could share with his friends at their parties after the bar closed down. So Barbie was awesome for these nights, She danced at the bar and stripped and gave the guys head at the after party.He wanted a fun girl for poker nights and gym crawls. Someone who would go toe-to-toe with him. So he took along Patty. She was a sassy go-getter who challenged him to improve by being naughty. And took it when he got mad enough to say pay back is a bitch little girl!, or when he threw her around and even spanked her. She came back for more.He wanted a stay at home shy type who was happier cooking, cleaning and watching TV than going anywhere. For this, Nancy was best. She didn’t say spit for fear he would be upset. But she was hardly his sexual fantasy. Good thing she ignored the fact he stepped out on her.Then there was his baby girl. She was so cute he wanted to send her home to his mom to raise up. But his mom would kill him. So they never met. Lisa was an adorable creature who sucked her thumb, had blanket forts, and coloured. He would playfully swat her, but if he looked at her sideways, she would get all teary. She could wrap him around her finger and he wasn’t sure he liked that. So Lisa and Nancy spent a lot of time together at his house, while the others went around with him.Oh Niko did like his life, he did. But did the girls?Maybe, they did agree to their role after all.

the troll

Bebe was a lovely woman when you first met her. But she had these unusual fits. She would go into tirades of jealousy and rage where anyone else would be having a few giggles and spreading the love around.If someone told a happy story, she’d call them a liar.If someone told a joke, she’d get all offended and poke them till they took it down or stopped telling it.If someone shared their educated opinion, she’d get furious and badger them with nonsense she found in obscure places.Finally, the villagers had had enough and sent out their best troll hunters. They told joke after joke about Bebe’s hairy knuckles and rolly knees. They had all the villagers laughing at Bebe in no time.When Bebe was nothing but a sobbing mess, the villagers called off the hunters. They wanted Bebe to stop, not to go insane after all. They were upset, not cruel.When Bebe had calmed down, she gathered her fellow trolls and went on a campaign of terror. They attacked the village and burnt down the homes of the troll hunters. They stalked the hunters’ children and pelted them with pebbles and tomatoes. The children ran home crying to the hunters. The trolls told detailed stories about the hunters’ fetishes to their parents and bosses.The troll hunters gathered and mocked Bebe and the trolls about their saggy nipples and fat arses. They made fart noises every time the trolls opened their mouths to speak. It was silly, but so damn annoying!Finally the trolls moved away from the village. All the villagers cheered when they heard.

the gorgon

Melanie was a stunning woman. She had a gorgeous face and body that put many to shame. But for some reason nobody was that attracted to her, unless they were twisted in some way. Prudish or controlling. Many around Melanie thought she was cold, stand offish and rude. She just thought she was shy. Hard to warm up to people. She also thought she had a strong faith and knew better than anyone what was right and wrong.Her true love was Jay. They had been married for years and were more like siblings than lovers these days. She was getting worried that he was seeing another woman on the side. She made it clear to him that she would force feed him his own children if she ever caught him cheating. So he was extremely careful around other women. Very circumspect.What she didn’t know about him would fill a book though. He was pansexual. He had a very small group of men he saw and an even smaller group of transexuals too. Melanie never suspected. They did the many things that Melanie thought were evil, and never considered that Jay was capable of them.Melanie was a crusader. She had a list of causes she worked tirelessly to eradicate from her world. And Jay worked tirelessly to live out. She had a list of rules and Jay had a list of fetishes.Melanie wrote condemning pieces about anything liberal and/or sexual. She was ultra conservative. Jay accused her of having a stone heart.If someone broke her social rules, Melanie would blast them with her iciest rage. Then cut them from her life. Her friends were clear that these people were to be ostracized. As if they were dead. A few would sneak around to still keep these people in their lives, even Jay. Seriously it was like having a harsh mother, rather than a friend.Finally, Jay had had enough.Jay and a few friends decided to broaden Melanie’s horizons. They planned an orgy, well a gang rape for her introduction into sexual kinks.But Melanie was warned that she was being plotted against. Not by someone who loved her, but by a person who believed in fair play.She didn’t know who the chief plotter was till she was surrounded. She had a spell ready and had cast it before she realized Jay was standing in the group. They were all turned to stone, in a way she couldn’t undo.When she saw Jay, frozen in time, she started to scream…and scream. Till she lost her mind.And she went back home, took her children from their beds and turned them to stone too.Melanie was gone. The gorgon lived instead.

the succubus

Glenda was the girl other women hated. She would flash her boobs and her ass all over the place, driving the men wild with lust. Too many women were aware that their man had a crush on her. Too many men were having sex with their wife or girlfriend, thinking of her. Too many women cried quietly into their pillow, thinking of her. Knowing they couldn’t possibly measure up. Worrying if she would come after their man. Or their man would go after her.She just seemed to have it all, when it came to her body. Pouty lips, big firm boobs and a fit butt. Curvy where curves belonged. And not an extra inch of curve where it didn’t. And she was shameless about showing it.She enjoyed hanging out at the local pubs and dungeons. Playing with the guys till dawn. No responsibilities to go home to. She was young, unmarried, childless and apparently a trust fund baby. She sure didn’t seem to have a job or school schedule to keep her away from the men of the town.How could a real woman compete with her?Maybe she was as naive as she seemed about her impact on men, but the women didn’t really believe it. Especially after the stories started rising about her being a lavish sex partner. She seemed to be everything a man could ever fantasize about. Well ok, if they were single…? But she was leaving a trail of broken hearts behind her. The men were pallid and weaker than they had been when she no longer took their calls. They pined and obsessed about her. They hung around her watering holes, hoping she would change her mind.The women watched closely for cues that this was happening to their men.The women of town were waiting for one misstep to brand Glenda as a demon and run her out of town.

the faerie queen


Helen was the type of woman who men loved to take care of. She did the cute, “I need to be cared for cuzz I can’t take care of myself look” and act so well. They came in droves, to be added to her house. At least as a guest, if not a member of her court.She had her shiny bright side, where she petted the pets and cooed at the friendly men.But she also had her jealous side. The only women allowed near her or her lover of the month were enraptured with other men. She dared no competition for their attention. She pouted and stomped her feet and blocked their access to her if they dared even mention another woman’s beauty or talents. She offered nothing but inane chatter, yet couldn’t bear for a lover to call another woman intelligent. She couldn’t understand when people got tired of carrying the brunt of the conversation and asked things of her that went beyond the simple and the barest of effort.If she was called on her behaviour, she cried and whined till they backed down.Something was always tragic in her life. Some sad tale about her had to be the topic of conversation. She rarely asked about others. It would have required too much energy.She made the angels cry for her.She made the devils cringe over her.Till finally her husband had had enough!As she lay sleeping, he spelled her. Her mouth was gagged firmly. He put a bitter herb in the gag so she would have to bear something un-sweet tirelessly. He spelled her ears, so all she heard was a disharmony. An off chord. Like she made others endure in her subject matter and selfishness. He bound her, so she felt as helpless as she claimed to be. And he made her as chaste within herself as she forced him to be. Then he went to her ladies and frolicked with them till morning.When the queen woke in the morning, she felt horrible. The spells made her cry, but all in vain. She learned nothing from this binding. All that happened was she became even more of a shrew. So her husband left her and took her maidens. He couldn’t bear to leave them to her whining and neediness.Her lovers did try to console her, but how do you console the inconsolable? Her husband had made her what she had always thought of herself as, a martyr. And deep inside, she reveled in it. He had done her proud. In her own mind and heart, she was her most beautiful.