tv show trope review – how to be a con artist


tv show trope review – how to be a con artist

love I mean LOVE quirky characters and odd story lines. Which is why I often get into shows that are not the typical cop or medical shows, or the traditional comedies, love stories or family shows. Those bore me. I like to see people who had something extra to surmount. Who took a different path. But somehow still managed to live a decent life. Were humane, if not exactly moral. The kind who would rob an adult blind without turning a hair, but will give a kid, a street person or someone who is old or frail their last dime. Who will die for their friend, but will walk by you, without a second thought. Some people say they are anti-social, but they do have bonds. Just maybe not the ones you and I might pick. They do have morals, just maybe a bit askew. But you can definitely see why they arrived where they did. And you can identify with them.

And that is why I’ve watched these shows about con artists. That and I’ve run into a few people in my life who’ve taught me that the line between right and wrong isn’t that clear a thing. Not when your choice determines whether you and your kids eat tonight, or they stay with you, or you even survive. Let alone have a roof over your head, clothes on your back and food in your belly. Whether you get fair access to what you should when you’re seen as a member of a disenfranchised group. It’s rarely about the lone criminal.

This dilemma of what is right or wrong and what you should be able to do to protect yourself and your family is why at one point I had signed up to major in criminology. Sometimes I regret not having gone into that, and others I’m glad I didn’t. Because I’d rather advocate FOR people than study or penalize them. But watching them is fun!

With that in mind….

What is a con?

It is a story, a psycho-drama that hooks someone into believing in something, or wanting something they didn’t know they wanted so much before. That seeks to right a wrong, to take from someone who has too much, to cage a bully, or to reclaim something they stole from someone else. Without that psychodrama, it’d just be a theft or extortion, wouldn’t it?

Whether it’s to make money or to get revenge for something they have done, the con treads the line of what is moral and legal. And the good con artist knows exactly where that line is. Because their freedom depends on it. They at least have to be able to mitigate the consequences they face with the reason they did it. With the story.

….What does it take to be a con artist?

The shows I have most enjoyed have something in common. They are more than liars, thieves and cheats. Their characters are:
A mix of Robin Hood – a thief with a heart of gold playing against/changing the system/screwing with “the man”
The Three Musketeers
caught up in the power intrigues of Cardinal de Richelieu and France’s King Louis XIII. Fighting for what was right over what was in power.
and Oliver Twist – orphan gets seduced by a gang of thieves. Someone who has lost it all, who got caught up in something they can no longer control. And treads the line between right and wrong in a battle of self discovery.

….the shows I liked

An honest man loses his son because a big insurance company refused to pay out for medical treatment the boy needed. In his son’s name, he assembled a team and went on to screw with those in charge of big companies who played with “the little guy’s” lives like they were gods.
White Collar
An art forger is placed under arrest, and in order to stay out in the community, instead of being imprisoned, he works with an FBI art forgery team.
The Mentalist
A con artist plays a psychic, until he falls under the eye of a serial killer who decides to teach him a lesson. The killer murders the faux psychic’s wife and son. The con artist works with an FBI team to bring the serial killer to justice, along with many others.
A young man with an amazing memory fraudulently acts as a lawyer for a big firm. And outwits the firm and the judicial system to really help people.
The Catch
A con artist and PI are caught in a dance of love vs loyalty against an international crime ring who threaten their lives and their future.

…. why do I like them?

Besides the con(s), there is romance, friendship, funny moments of smart humour, and if not physical, there is verbal sparring. And hey it helps when “justice” wins, in the end. Right?
Just keep in mind, you can’t con a con or an honest man, and sometimes bad guys make the best good guys.

Transitions of the Heart (a story)

Transitions of the Heart

The step between the old love and the new. A moment when you’re not sure if you are ready for a new love, if you’ve healed enough. If you are recovered from the old. If you are ready for another. It’s a hard moment to navigate.

You want to be in love. You also want to revel in your feelings about your old love. And some people want to drown in them. Till… that moment.

That is where Irene was. And it was made worse by her old lover being in the room when she first engaged with her potential one as more than a friend. She was confused. Almost to the point of being frozen by it.

Her old lover, George, was an amazing man and she had always felt that she didn’t deserve him. She was still half way in love with him. But he had made it clear that he wouldn’t try again with her. She’d always wonder if her insecurity, her indecisiveness, was part of the problem with them.

Sometimes that feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop can actually draw it to you. George had tried to soothe her but Irene guessed he had just run out of energy for that. At least he had been kind when he told her that it was over. And clear there was no returning to him.

And then there was Brian. The new guy. He was also a good guy. Irene and he had known each other for awhile and they got on well. Were even a bit flirty while she had been with George. But Irene was sure it would never have gone anywhere if she and George hadn’t broken up.

But now with the way clear… or at least it might be? Irene just wasn’t ready to make that transition yet.

George was being firm but kind. Indicating that he had no intention of being more than civil and friendly with her. The door between them was shut and locked.

And Brian was slowly but surely letting her know that since they were both free, he wanted to explore more than flirting.

Irene didn’t want to start something new, just to say she did. Not even for a try-on or between relationship.

And Irene didn’t know what to do. She just knew she didn’t want to decide right now.

Maybe she’d be better off being alone for awhile.

…. song influences

This Time I’m In It For Love – Player
Name of the Game – ABBA
Torn – Natalie Imbruglia
Hysteria – Def Leppard

I’d Rather Love a Sinner Than Someone Who Has Never been Tested By Life or Love

I’d Rather Love a Sinner Than Someone Who Has Never been Tested By Life or Love

I truly believe in things like redemption, and pardons. If I didn’t, I probably couldn’t do my job. I probably wouldn’t have majored in psychology.

I know for a fact that people are not perfect. And most people don’t grow up in white bread, cream cheese homes like the show “Leave it to Beaver” or Ozzie and Harriet

We didn’t all grow up in communities with guards or cops patrolling, listening for kids in trouble. And we faced problems at home and in our neighbourhoods that were tough for kids to deal with. Even grown ups had trouble dealing with them.

Our first relationships were testaments to what we DIDN’T know, practice fields, and not something to brag about. At all!

Some people bottomed out in a way it’s hard for others to imagine. Some went to prison, joined gangs, were addicts, were violent…. and found a way to improve themselves. You can’t understand their path. But you can respect their change. Their herculian efforts to change. Their success. You can cheer their pride. They should be proud of themselves. It’s a new birthing for them.

Most people found a path out of that start and have improved their lives. Most people have changed.

And it boggles my mind when people still treat them as if they’re a miscreant, when they haven’t been one for decades. Today they are sober, nice, calm, full of hope and love… not the angry, hate filled person they were raised to be.

Some people tend to use someone’s past against them all their lives. Some don’t. I don’t. I look for reasons to believe they have or haven’t changed SINCE. If the behaviour their family or neighbourhood taught them continued AFTER they left. Or not.

I know that within a few years of leaving the home of an addict, I stopped drinking for eg. A few years more, and I no longer associated with my family. Because they were continuing the destructive patterns and I didn’t want my daughter exposed to that. Period.

If I were to find out today that things have changed, would I go back among them? Probably not. Too much water under the bridge. And they hurt ME, not some random person who is more of a theory than a fact. Which is where most people draw the line.

It’s far easier to deal with someone who had even the same or similar issues in their childhood and has grown above them in a way you can see, than it is someone who has never been tested. I have no idea how I’d even begin to relate to someone like the Nelsons. Do you?

Do they really exist? Is white bread, cream cheese a fantasy? Or do we have to realize that people really do survive an early bad start and become really gorgeous people?

I think they do. Why? Because I’ve seen it. Heck, I’ve been it!

Wrong Side of a Phoneline (a story)

Wrong Side of a Phoneline

I’ve seen those movies and TV shows where some electric current can be seen following a line. Phone or internet wires leading between people, and the current is a bright colour; usually red, yellow or green. Nobody gets zapped. But the shock is felt regardless. And it makes me think of how often bad news is sent by a phoneline. Heartbreak ensues. Someone’s love is lost. Whether it’s someone leaving you, or someone dying. And you wonder if the wire between you was cut, soldered and now frayed. As one of the hearts must be now. Maybe even both.

And I know I’m only thinking this, because I’m sitting staring at the phone in my hand. Afraid to hang up in case I lose all connection with you and your voice. Yet knowing the connection was gone before this call. I just didn’t know it yet.

I know intellectually that I am in shock. But I just cannot change what I am doing. My heart wants to keep hold of you, by touching the phone. And it isn’t real, I know that. But I can’t stop myself.

I can’t feel anything. I just stare and stare. Not making note of the buzzing, at first. And not even hearing that horrible beeping(?) noise they make when they want you to hang up. You know the one, right? How do you describe that? A beep?

If I could, I’d melt thru the phone and come find you. Become part of you, so you can never leave me. But that just isn’t possible. I want to hang up and come find you. But even supposing i did, nothing’d change. Would it? Nothing I do will change what is.

Not as a human anyways. So, being very careful not to lose my grip on the phone. I grab my grandma’s grimoire. I am familiar enough with it that I know no spell of hers fits this exact situation. But i might be able to mix a few to get what I want done.

What do I want done though? Now there is the rub! I’m in an unfeeling state. Maybe down the road, I’ll know if I want recoupling or revenge. I’ll know if I want you to pay, or just want you dead. Right now, all I feel is the phone in my hand.

I want to beg, I want to cry. But for what? I want to be sad, I want to be angry. But again, for what? Nothing will change.

Until I realize it’s not you who has offended me. No, maybe that is why I am emotionless. Because otherwise I’d have to recognize it’s my fault. I’m the one who fucked up. Everything you did was in reaction to the pain I caused you. And I am numb because I don’t know what I should be thinking, feeling, doing now.

All I can do is sit, and stare at the phone.

Till I hear the operator’s voice, asking me if I’ll accept a call from a worried person trying to get thru to me. I hold the phone to my ear, and the operator tells me my mom is trying to reach me. I tell the operator to put the call thru.

I hear mom’s voice now and I start to feel. Mom is there in spirit now and I can let go of the fog, the confusion, the shock and let her pamper me. I tell her that I screwed up and lost my love.

And all mom knew to say was, “oh honey…” Over and over again. Till I hung up. I didn’t deserve her sympathy. But i knew she had a very short drive to get to me, and i’d have it anyway.

So what was I going to do now?

I looked at the grimoire again…. What help could I find there? Something to soothe my guilt? Something to change what had happened? Something to make me forget?

Not really no. So I sat down outside, on the porch step, and waited for my mom.

I didn’t have long to wait.

song influences.

Lee Michaels – Do You Know What I Mean
Dr. Hook – Sylvia’s Mother
Jim Croce – Operator

Women in the Military: Times They are a Changing

Women in the Military: Times They are a Changing

Many people think that women serving their country, dying in service of their country, is a recent thing. And according to the “great Goddess google” it has been a recent thing that they can be in direct combat, and also conscripted as front line soldiers. (Yes it does exist. Yes it IS in the Western World. And yes, even in capitalist countries too!)


In all of our earth’s history, women have picked up weapons and protected their homes and villages against marauders and invading armies. They have stood between them and their children and the village elders. They have been raped, beaten, held hostage and killed for their daring.

And when their empire came calling, they also served as nurses, war camp aides, munition manufacturers, and even as pilots. And ended up dying for their country, their empire.

Some women cross-dressed as men to serve, and died along with their actual-male compatriots. As front line combatants.

As the war machine and the population grew, more people were needed. And the average “Joe Enlisted Soldier” (volunteering or conscripted) wasn’t enough. So in a day of feminism demanding to be included, recognized and respected, they started changing their views about women serving.


(I did try to find other countries’ honour walls (Ie UK and USA) but their legions and veterans’ associations don’t post them online for general viewing, but Canada does. so I’ve included ours)


Canada has served as allies to other countries, but since the USA tried to take us over by crossing our border (1812-1815) , we haven’t been invaded. And technically have not really been first in, last out ever since we became a country. . Though we have served for the UN, NATO, USA, and the Commonwealth/UK. So our numbers are reflective of that status.


United States 2015

1. council on foreign relations
3. journalists’ resource
4. WWI museum


Canada 1989

1. govt pages
2. Cdn Encyclopedia
3. forces fact sheet. Gov of Canada
4. veteran affairs
5. sisters in arms
6. veteran affairs – Cdn women who died in service – honour wall


UK 2018

1. army.mod. uk
2. NAM
3. Royal Legion


Norway and Israel 1985 –

compulsory, conscripted service for women as well as men.


1. UN Peacekeeping
2. chart
3. army
4. National Geographic



Persian Gulf War (Desert Shield & Storm )

Dates: August 1990 – April 1991
Where: Iraq and Kuwait
How It Ended: After a four-day ground war, an American-led coalition declared victory. A cease-fire agreement was signed on April 9, 1991.
American Casualties: 148 (approx.)
Service worldwide 2,322,000; Sent to Gulf 694,550; battle deaths 147; Other deaths 1,825 (theater & non theater)

War on Terrorism

Dates: Oct. 7, 2001 (War begins with U.S.-led Operation Enduring Freedom, in Afghanistan, after the terrorist attacks against the United States on Sept. 11, 2001. Approximately 3,000 civilians and members of the military died as a result of the attacks in New York, Washington and Pennsylvania.) – Conflict continues…
Where: An effort to combat terrorism world-wide begins in Afghanistan.
American Casualties in Afghanistan:
(Updated February 27, 2013)
Afghanistan Casualties

Iraq War

Dates: March 19, 2003 – December 15, 2011.
Where: Iraq
American Casualties:
Operation Iraqi Freedom:
(Updated February 27, 2013)
Iraqi Casualties

She’s So Sticky, Her Nick is “Caulobacter crescentus” (a story)

She’s So Sticky, Her Nick is “Caulobacter crescentus”


Caulobacter crescentus, if you didn’t check out the link is a bacterial secretion that is super, duper, super glue-like.

Doreen is one of those. If she sees you, she likes you. If she likes you, she latches on. If she hates you, she is forever aggrieved by you. No matter what you do.

And NO AMOUNT of scraping, shoving, threatening will get rid of her! She is stuck to your tail.

And no amount of pressure will get rid of her mouth, if she has a story to tell either. Can you imagine? Gossip falls before her, it is no competition to her mouth. An elephant doesn’t have the memory she has. She can tell you the family history of everyone she has ever known. If you want to know the power position of everyone in town, ask Doreen. If she doesn’t know, she’ll be on a mission to find out!

She is a kingmaker. But not based on talent, or intellect. Oh no! It was all about where you placed in the food chain of what she knew. She thinks of herself as having honesty, loyalty, and she thinks she’s the most moral person in town.

If you saw someone was close to Doreen, it didn’t serve you to be near to them. Or at least not too near.

And who was Doreen? Noone really. She was a bacterial secretion at the bottom of the ocean. Hence the nickname she got from her nerdy detractors. Who else would come up with that?? But ti was a very apt description of her. Secreting verbal sludge that really noone should know!

The nickname didn’t earn them any favours from Doreen. But it did get them some serious laughter from even some of her friends. Because they all knew her for what she was. You have to wonder WHAT possessed them. People like her will turn on you someday. And it doesn’t even take a tsunami to do it either. Just the right word in her ear, from the right person. And Doreen’s eyes turn on you.

And when they do, they’re stuck on you. This lady is no squirrel. And neither is her mind. Call it obsession, narcissism, delusion… she was on you, like white on rice.

In fact, I’m a little scared to tell you about her. I fear reprisal. And just for listening, you might face it also. I’m shaking, just thinking about her. Um I have to go wee! BRB!

Yes well …. Dear Doreen is an older lady. Aren’t the best gossips? And she seems wise, but what she knows (though it might fill a book) can only be told in a salacious tale of her town. And that book will NEVER be sold!! Too many important people would be brought down by it.

You’d think that’d buy her…. something? But though it gets her a seat in any public place, she’s rarely invited into anyone’s homes. Who’d want her checking thru their garbage, or their bathroom cabinet? (I mean who does that, really?? DOREEN that’s who! Which is why she’s no longer invited.)

She thinks she’s doing everyone a favour by spreading her knowledge about. She thinks she’s a moral compass. LMFAO! Apparently someone forgot to tell her that spreading dirty stuff like that is rude and uncaring! So vile to spread words about people’s sex life. So horrid to tell things that belong in someone’s home. And if she has a tale for the criminal records, isn’t spreading it to the town the worst peossible thing to do? It’s never just a friend or two she trusts. It’s anyone who cares to listen to Doreen. And frankly, sadly far too many people listen to Doreen. With no proof that what she says is wise or true. Isn’t that undermining justice? Yet isn’t that what she claims to serve?

I’m sure most small towns and churches have a Doreen. Though maybe not so pernicious? I don’t know. I’ve only met Doreen, and I barely survived the experience.

I’ll never discount her influence again! Yeah I need another pee break! Don’t forget about Doreen! (I say, running out the door for the nearest toilet.)

Yeah I can’t say anymore. I’m too scared!

Press Re-set (a story)

Press Re-set

Kim and Terry adored each other. They had passion, excitement and love in abundance. They were all over each other. And maybe that was the problem?

They were full on.

Anyone who has had that kind of relationship will tell you that it can’t be sustained. You need some sense of self. Of autonomy, independence, some may even call it selfishness. Goals you set for yourself, rather than for just you as part of a couple. Being great for your partner is wonderful, but sometimes you need to stand up for yourself too.

Or one day down the road, one of you will walk away. No matter how much it hurts.

And you may keep trying to come back. You may try again and again. Because the love, the passion and the excitement haven’t gone away. You just cannot handle the conflict anymore. You’re not bored, you’re just depleted.

So why do you return? Because you’re convinced that something has changed? They haven’t, and neither have the stresses you as a couple face. So after the honeymoon is over, and it will be someday soon, you’re going to be back in the same trench again.

And Kim and Terry knew this. Because this wasn’t their first time trying to get back together. The dark side of passion, is temper, impatience. The diark side of excitement is fatigue. And the dark side of love, is apathy.

One day Kim and Terry knew that they’d stop caring. They’d stop trying. But it just wasn’t today.

They hoped they’d know when the day was on the horizon, instead of waiting for it to be long gone. They were hoarding just enough love to walk out the door with a bit of grace.

…… song influences

Mouth & MacNeal – How do you do
Peaches & Herb – Reunited
THE STYLISTICS – Break Up to Make Up
Leona Lewis – Bleeding Love

When Anon Hookup Becomes…. More (a story)

When Anon Hookup Becomes…. More

How do you go from sitting in a bar one night, trying to feed or drown your sorrows, you look up … and there are the eyes you cannot resist. You have nobody at home who cares anymore, but it’s more than the walls that keep you inside it’s vows.

You feel lonely, scared of the future, and angry that you’ve been left in the dirt. While your spouse seems happy… enough?

But a few beers, or shots and you go back to shuffle thru your life.

That’s where Tony was. He had been grimly managing his life, day by day. And wishing on a star.

He thought he was the only one who felt that way. Till he met Eva. At his bar. She had come in to use the phone when her car broke down. And of course her cell phone was at home, so she couldn’t use it.

While she waited for CAA, she sat down and ordered a drink. He remembered it being something with an umbrella. And she started looking around. Until their eyes connected. If they had been outside in a thunderstorm, there couldn’t have been more electricity. They both got up and met in the middle. And started talking before they sat down together.

And every time since, they’d pick up the chatter exactly from where they’d left off. Like it was a minute break. No longer.

Tony and Eva fell in love. They were in lust. But neither could bear the thought of destroying their lives. So they were ever so careful. They moved their meeting to a place where noone they knew went. Away from work and home. They made elaborate plans and excuses for their behaviour. And they started the lie. They started the love.

It’s not like their spouses really cared. They hadn’t really talked in years, And sex was off the table. For no good reason. It had just fizzled out, as they got busier and just never been replaced. How many times do you ask for what you need and get refused, without being hurt more?

So how could they say they cared anymore? Pride maybe? Marked territory? Maybe, but.

They left a needy spouse… One who didn’t ask anymore.

One who gave up. And was ready for … those eyes. Those eyes that were now looking at them.

song influences

Third Rate Romance – Sammy Kershaw
Chicago – No Tell Lover
Me and Mrs Jones – Billy Paul

Fighting Fair in A Relationship: How to Get What You Need and Stay Close While You Do It

Fighting Fair in A Relationship: How to Get What You Need and Stay Close While You Do It

I saw this online and thought it was worth a share.
source page

Don’t fear conflict.

Conflict is an opportunity for growth. When you intimately share your life with someone there are going to be disagreements. Sometimes a lot of them. Conflict is normal. healthy and sometimes necessary when there is something important at stake for one or both of you. It isn’t always easy to do, but receiving conflict well or raising a difficult issue sensitively will provide the opportunity to see each other, notice each other and learn from each other.

Attack the issue, not each other.

Don’t name call or bring the other person down to get on top of the argument. The potential to cause scars is enormous.
It’s too easy to say things that can’t be taken about.

Stay with the issue at hand.

Don’t bring in irrelevant details just to prove your point. It’s so tempting to confirm your ‘rightness’ by highlighting the other person’s ‘wrongness’, but don’t. It’s the quickest way to send an argument off track and land you in a place where you forget what you were fighting for.

Don’t confuse the topics with the issue.

If you keep fighting over different things but you always seem to end up on the same issue (e.g. money or the night he/you came home late), that issue is actually where your work needs to be. Something about that issue is unresolved and the topics – the little things that start the arguments (e.g. the towels on the floor) – are just the way the issue calls you both back to the plate to deal with it. The topics aren’t the problem. The issue is. Find out exactly what it is (though you will probably already have a fair idea!) and deal with it. Give what’s needed for the issue to let go of the grip it has on your relationship, whether that’s air time, validation, acknowledgement, an apology or reassurance.

Don’t downplay the issue.

For an issue to be an issue it only takes one of you to believe it is.
You don’t need to agree but you do need to listen. Let your partner know you’ve heard them and that you understand. People don’t stop feeling a certain way just because they’re told to stop. (Would be nice if it was that simple though!) If an issue is ignored it won’t go away. Needs always push for completion – it’s just the way it is. If feelings or needs aren’t resolved, they will come out through other topics (that fiery argument about being ten minutes late to dinner isn’t really about dinner), or they’ll brew. Sometimes all it takes is validation or acknowledgement. ‘I know how important this is to you, I’m just really stuck with what to do about it.’

Don’t withdraw. Or chase.

This is different to taking time out to cool down and get your thoughts together. People withdraw when they feel attacked, bored or disinterested and will pull back in an attempt to maintain autonomy, control and distance. Research has found a direct association between withdrawal and lower relationship satisfaction. If the silent treatment is your typical response, it will do damage. If you’re feeling attacked, try to find a way to discuss this without going on the attack yourself. If you’re bored or disinterested, is it with the issue or the relationship? What is it about either that is making you want to pull back?
If your partner is withdrawing, is it possible that he or she feels attacked? One way to change that is to name your contribution to the issue, however small. ‘I know I probably haven’t helped things by …’ or, ‘I know I upset you when I …’ This makes it easier for your partner to trust that you aren’t only out for blood.

Be open about what you need. Nobody can read your mind.

Conflicts in which one person expects another to know what is wrong without being told are more likely to end with anger or negative communication. Research has shown that people who expect a partner to mind read are more likely to feel anxious or neglected.

Find the real emotion beneath the anger.

It can be hard not to turn away when someone is angry with you (I may have done it once or twice or too many times myself) but anger is a secondary emotion – it never exists on its own and always has another emotion beneath it.

The common culprits are sadness, hurt, insecurity, jealousy or frustration. If you can notice the real emotion you’ll have a better chance of responding to the real issue. Don’t turn your back, look away or pretend you’re doing something important while your partner is spilling himself or herself to you – you might miss something important that clues you in on what’s really going on. Few things deepen a connection more than being seen.

Be attentive.

Unless your teen is face-timing you from the tattoo parlour with a short list and it’s the first you’ve heard of any of it, don’t look at your phone, or anything else that will take you away from the heat. If your body shows up to the plate but your mind is on what to have for dinner, a couple of things could happen – none of them good. One is that the argument will keep going until your attention is turned to face. Another is that the argument will stop being about the issue at hand and will become about the way you ‘never listen’, or ‘don’t care’ – or anything else that fits your process. Avoid the fallout by being attentive.

Don’t yell.

Start yelling and before you know it, you’ll be arguing about arguing. If the argument is at yelling point, nobody is being heard because nobody is listening. At this point, someone needs to be the hero and calm it all down. ‘I’m trying to understand what you want but we have to stop yelling first.’ Otherwise, suggest you both take a break but make sure that you name a time to come back to it. Don’t let it get swept under the rug. Rugs don’t tend to fade issues into nothingness – they hide the detail but not the fact that something is in the way.

Stay away from ‘you always’ or ‘you never’.

Make a generalisation and you can bet that what will come next is an explanation of the exception. Use specific examples or if your partner is doing the generalising, ask for specific examples. Nobody is ‘always’ or ‘never’ anything and using these words will just inflame.

Be curious.

Ask for more details. It’s tempting to launch into a defence when there’s a hint of attack but this is rarely helpful and usually

escalates the argument. It also means that while the other person is speaking, you are probably formulating your response rather than listening. Slow things down and ask for details. This shows that you’re open to getting things sorted out.

Fully and honestly accept that nobody is perfect. Seriously. Nobody.

Be open to accepting criticism. Is it the feedback that’s difficult to stomach or the way it’s delivered. Try to hear the message, even if it is being delivered in a way that is hard to hear. If you are the one with the wise words, say it in a way that can be heard by being generous in the delivery. ‘I know you probably didn’t mean it the way it came across but when you …’ or ‘I miss you when we fight. Can we talk about it?’

Watch out for the passive-aggressive.

Know that if you have to say, ‘I’m just being honest …’, or ‘I’m not criticising you but …’ or ‘You’re probably not going to like hearing this but …’ – you’re in no way softening the blow. You’re also not fooling anyone – all of these statements generally come just before an accusation. In fact, you’ll probably feel your partner bracing for the next round before the final word has left your mouth.

If you’re wrong, apologise.

Be humble. Be honest. Fullstop.

If you’re going around in circles, stop.

Cycles become vicious ones before you know it. If you or your partner are repeating the same things, you’re stuck in a loop. People repeat things because they don’t feel heard. Slow things down and communicate to your partner your understanding of their side of things. Then hopefully they will slow down to hear yours. If you’re the one who isn’t feeling heard, try finding a different way to say it and check you aren’t too much on the attack. You have nothing to lose – cycles are breeders and they tend to make uglier ones. Stop them before they spin out of control.

Find the common ground.

There’s usually something you can find to agree on, even if it’s that you don’t want to fight. ‘So we both agree that …’ Anything that will help to get you both back on the same team is a good thing. It’s also a way to validate your partner and let them know you see them.

Give in or compromise on something – however small.

Finding something you can give on will help progress the situation along. Generally in a fight, the more one person pulls, the more the other pulls in the other direction. Take a step, however small, back to the middle ground by offering a compromise. Any small concession is the groundwork for bigger ones.

Don’t leave it unfinished.

Find a resolution, otherwise it will continue to press for closure.

And finally …

Fighting is inevitable and not all healthy couples fight fair all of the time.

Doors may get slammed. Things may be said. And plastic containers may get thrown across the room. Having know-how around fighting fair is a powerful thing. It will bring you closer to being able to get what you want and at the same time solidify your relationship. Anything that can bring you through to the other side of an argument still holding hands – or wanting to hold hands – is certainly worth the effort.

Erotic Mashup – Chakachas vs Stewart, Gaye and Exile


Mashup – Chakachas vs Stewart, Gaye and Exile

All he did was beg, and promise, something that may or may not come. Or is it cum?

Baby, open up and let me in
It’s getting stronger and stronger
Baby, open up and let me in
I can’t wait for you to operate
I can’t wait for you to operate, baby
I can’t wait for you to operate
Baby, open up and let me in
I can’t for you to operate Gaye

All she could do was make noises and beg, a bit. For more, for harder. No not like that. Oh no, not that! Oh give it to me, she said, over and over…

tell me give me

Chakachas – translation

He promises pleasure, he promises love. And she’s not sure whether to believe him or not. Cuzz whatever he is doing, it’s not enough

Come on angel my hearts on fire
Don’t deny your man’s desire
You’d be a fool to stop this tide
Spread your wings and let me come inside Stewart

Again she begs, but he thinks she wants to be stroked. Ahd what she really wants … is to be fed, to be stunned… to be hurt. And he’s not getting it.

tell me give me

Chakachas – translation

He’s got his own drive going and he seems to be deaf to her cries. She wants it harder, faster. but he thinks she wants sweet words and love.

I wanna kiss you all over, all over again
I wanna kiss you all over
Till the night closes in, till the night closes in
Stay with me, lay with me, holding me, loving me baby
Here with me, near with me, feeling you close to me baby Exile

The tears are falling down her cheeks, she is ready to scream. Ready to shake him, choke him He’s going to pay for this, sooner than he thinks

no no no no no noo!
too soft too soft!
tell me give me
mooooooore! Chakachas -sic