I DON’T HATE MEN

Sent: Friday, April 17, 2015 at 8:32 PM
Subject: No Subject
I was really surprised that this was suggested in the past few days.
I am well aware that at times men get that impression when a woman is a dominant, so I think I over correct if anything toward friendly, soft, flirty fun.
I also tend toward feminism. Which means that the guys think I’m anti-men. I’m not. I have a strong humanist POV. I want everyone to be treated equally and fairly. I notice everyone is not.
But I am a woman. I’ve looked around the world and have seen that women have had a harder road and most of the systems (church and state) being patriarchal may have something to do with that. So I chat about stuff my sisters are going thru that I don’t appreciate. That I want changed. Now would be good.
Stuff like:
genital mutilation
honour killings
harems
domestic violence
sexual assault
widows being forced to throw themselves on their husbands’ funeral pyres.
I don’t think ALL men are bad, and I know few men actually participate in these, esp in North America, but they still exist in the world. They are cultural. And until that changes, I’m a feminist.
I don’t like seeing women over-correct to be the evil done to them. That horrifies me more than the men doing it. Aren’t we trying to make the world better after all?
I also know men have been victimized. I majored in psych and sociology at univ. I have never ever refused to believe or honour their pain.
I was raised fundamental Christian. I was taught that men were closest to God. I was taught that women were responsible for original sin. So until high school I never learned there was another way of seeing the world. And even there, We barely learned about the suffragettes cuzz it was a small town school right in the heart of fundamental Christian farmers. We barely had industry there and a lot of kids were bussed in from surrounding farms.
My dad and step mom watched what media came into our house and we were taught at church that the world was evil.
For me though, I have had more experience with bad relationships with women than I have with men. Women can be really cruel to each other. I have had women friends who betrayed me and my relationship with my brothers was easier than with my sisters.
In our home, we girls were raised to do "women’s work". Gardening, canning, cooking, baking, cleaning, sewing, crafts.. The boys went with my dad. So we never had a bickering relationship till we were adults.
But the most challenging part was my step monster. She hated me and I was her scape goat, work horse, and whipping post. I didn’t really care why. But prob cuzz my dad was a drunk and she felt mistreated by his cheating. Of all my sisters I was treated the worst, cuzz she liked the others and found ways to nurture them.
So anyway, that’s the back drop. With the factor that I’ve had closer bonds with my male friends (platonic and FWBs) and they have more often helped me recover from other bad relationships, I usually feel more affinity toward men. With few exceptions but there are some. I have had bad relationships too. If I hadn’t I’d probably be married. If there were a distrust issue though, it would be pretty general, not specifically toward men.
I’m also not the stranger danger type cuzz every time I have been hurt by someone, it’s been by someone I let into my life who has misused that trust.
I’m not a fan of the way women are treated by the media but I don’t think it creates a rape culture. But it does objectify us.
I don’t know why I wrote this unless it was to clarify it in my mind or release the hurt of hearing that. But honestly I felt it was unjustified. Consider it a diary piece. 😉

breakups suck…

Sent: Friday, April 17, 2015 at 8:34 PM
Subject: breakups suck…
I hate getting involved in other people’s relationships esp when it comes to breakups. I’m a protective friend and will if there is reason to believe there was abuse, but when there clearly wasn’t, then it’s really none of my business. I don’t take sides, unless I’m forced to. It’s a no-win situation. I listen and commiserate. Give lots of hugs ad tissues as needed.

Here is how I see it: Two imperfect people managed to get into each others’ spheres of influence and felt attraction. In that rush of feeling they let things like common sense and common interest go out the window. They didn’t care if it had legs, they just ran into each others’ arms.

These two imperfect people crushed for the first bit, then slowly their priorities went back to their lives and interests, and SOB (!!!) they couldn’t drag their new "love" with them. (sob whine whinge). And frustration built. (Surprise surprise). They started having conflicts and less sex (awww ffs!! ) And time goes by and they start to wonder why they were attracted in the first place. And these imperfect people didn’t have a therapists’ license to manage the other persons’ needs and wants when they feel like shit themselves. (Even those WITH licenses have fallen under the pressure of this). Nobody MEANT to harm but holy cow they did. Being imperfect and all. Go figure. 😛

Then they dial a friend (or several) and tell their side of the story. Ok if you know ONE of them but when you know both it can be a real challenge. Suddenly in some cases, you start hearing stuff about a friend you really never wanted to know. Like body habits… nose picking, fart counting, crap on the toilet seat stuff :S ( why do I wanna barf??) I mean who wants to know that buddy breaks wind whenever he has an orgasm when you have to see him the next morning at the office?? (dies blushing and giggling). Either that or you get the intimate details, how long the penis, how high the squirt wave, and it’s a mix of off-putting and a turn-on. (Oi vey)

All that, now add D/s. You would think that all we chat about in the power dynamic makes a good couple. Um not always, not really. It can but hopefully you have other things to count on cuzz the very things that can make a really good dynamic in D/s can rip you apart too. It seems doms forget to check in and see the sub is ok after the first few play sessions when it’s a relationship and subs forget to bow and scrape when it’s their major relationship. Now you have a brat and an angry person rather than a dom/sub one. 😦 That gets annoying and old really quick when that’s NOT what you signed on for. Brats are cute as friends but as your SO they really suck j/s. (IMO of course)

And in breakup stages, dom is a nasty fuck and sub is crying all the time (or vice versa) and the last thing they wanna do is talk it through and do after care. So along come the friends who try to clean up for them. (oh so well meaning but so harmful). They really do NEED to do their own aftercare. It is critical to where they go in their next relationships, and always what I say to the one or two talking to me about it. You MUST talk it through with each other. You really MUST.

The more entwined their lives were, the more after care is required. Not less, never less. But in the hurt feelings they won’t even say hello let alone discuss what they need to. They’re avoiding each other like the plague and building up the hate needed to sever the relationship. (And occasionally having hot steamy mad sex and crying after in a mix of guilt and loss).

But neither meant to cause all this drama and if you asked them they would say they hate drama. Neither meant to cause harm, yet how else could it end up? They are imperfect people playing games meant for perfect people after all.

So off they go feeling bad to the next relationship, dragging all that baggage with them and wondering why they can’t get over it and deal with their feelings? Um cuzz they didn’t take a breath and think things thru or do the work necessary to resolve things and jumped into the arms of probably their best confident and/or the antithesis of their past crush yet see the same patterns starting up again. ( Now who would have predicted that?? Raises hand)

I see this over and over and really wonder why … I know this seems a bit humourous(?) but really that’s the way I deal with my emotions. Nobody was a sociopath or a narcissist, they were just two imperfect people who probably shouldn’t have been together at all. But hey who can talk someone out of acting when you feel all those great lusty feelings build up? I guess I could try separating them like you do dogs who are in heat, spray ice cold water on them??

Sighs, next time I’ll just send them the link to this at the beginning, but I bet I know exactly what I’ll hear… join me now "Oh that’ll never happen to us" :S

SEX EXPECTATIONS

Sent: Sunday, April 26, 2015 at 3:49 PM
Subject: SEX EXPECTATIONS

Do you expect a romantic adventure straight out of the movies? (awww) Or a porn climax Hugh Hefner might publish? (drool) Do you talk for an hour to plan each action before you do it? Then an hour afterwards too? (yawn – I’d be asleep, not having sex 😦 ) For me, the first time with a guy has always been complex, not great, not horrible, eh now why did I do it again? Oh yeah cuzz as you get to know each other, it gets better. I have a high sexual desire, am ready for it, but it takes more than me to make it work well. And it works even better if it’s more than just sexual heat between us too. You start to read each others’ cues and figure out when you touch just there they do that groan moan cry thing they do that makes you hot for them. And you figure out just how things fit best, move best, and when you two are in sync. All by just a look in their eyes. That mouth thing they do when they’re ready to scream. It doesn’t take words, or a contract, it takes knowing your partner. It takes being in it for more than a fuck. That’s why I’m a slow go but when I get in that mood, oh I’m there. I wonder at times if going too fast and having too high expectations are why people have so many regrets they call it a violation? What do you think? I wonder if that may be part of the whole issue of post-sexual regrets? Are your expectations too high?

SELF IMAGE

Sent: Sunday, April 26, 2015 at 3:52 PM
Subject: SELF IMAGE

Have you ever felt like your body is so different from your friends or family members that you just have to do something about it? Well most of us do at some point in our lives. And we might hit the gym and take some classes, work out. pump iron, go on a diet, start jogging, power walking … Every January a lot of people make New Year’s Resolutions about their weight. Most teenagers feel less than confident about their body esp when they are starting to think about having sex. People even get some diet supplements and/or appetite suppressants from their health food store or their doctor/pharmacy. Pregnant women often feel horrible about their weight/size esp in the last trimester. And right after the birth. We all have issues with our body, even athletes and supermodels. So what stretches a person’s self-image to the point where they can’t look in a mirror. Where they are delusional about what they actually look like? ANOREXIA – those who suffer from this issue make themselves vomit so they lose weight. BULLEMIA – these people binge and purge to maintain or lose weight. STEROIDS – these people want muscle mass and don’t think exercise will ever be enough. MORBID OBESITY – weight gain to the point where they can’t move they are so large and their body no longer functions as it should. In each of these conditions they are willing to risk their lives, their hearts esp and put their bodies repeatedly into a state of shock, play with their electrolyte levels to have an ideal weight. They don’t see themselves accurately. Often they were the victims of some form of abuse, esp sexual abuse. They want to work out the pain they feel on their bodies, hide themselves in a state where they feel safer and in control by following the disease’s patterns. They are willing to die to have control over their bodies. How does this relate to fetishes, kink and bdsm? Self image or self esteem are one of the cornerstones of sexuality. What do you think about your self image and how has that affected your sexual choices in your life?

WHAT IS CHEATING?

Sent: Monday, April 27, 2015 at 8:48 PM
Subject: WHAT IS CHEATING?

ok so you go out to dinner with your SO and the waitperson comes up and there they go again right in front of you!! Is flirting cheating? or how about when they go online and start trading nudies and discussing sex fantasies? is that cheating? how about when they discuss YOUR sex life with their opposite gender friend? is that cheating? And you know you aren’t getting any lately but they go on line and start masturbating to the nudies and erotica they find there. Isn’t their sexual energy yours? is that cheating? what is cheating? a thought? a fantasy? a kiss? flirting? does it have to be undressed hugs, touches and cuddles or actual sex? which sex act is the definite one? Is that something you negotiate too? And if they do it does that give you license? is it the lying, secrecy or the acts that are the cheating? what do you do when you find out? scream, yell, walk away, breakup/get a divorce, move out, punish them, cheat too (tit for tat), how about suspend them and torture them till you feel better? (I’m kind of liking this last idea 😉 )

SO WHAT IS SEX?

Sent: Monday, April 27, 2015 at 8:49 PM
Subject: SO WHAT IS SEX?

SENSATION- kissing, stroking, tickling, nibbling, biting, licking, scratching, grasping, pinching, spanking, sniffing using your sensory organs to experience sexuality- your ears, eyes, nose, mouth/tongue, touch, skin, intuition/ non physical attachment and affection POSITION AND BREATHING – to experience the different orifices and extend the orgasm (delay or refuse) MAGICK – to connect with your partner and the divine and use sexuality as the route/means RITES – scarification/ body modification per temple standards, the relationship between the priest/ess, the whore and the supplicant in a fertility temple GOALS – to play, to mentor, to communicate, to worship, to procreate, to abuse and to overpower, to service and be subordinate, to woo or romance, to experience stimulation – pleasure and pain, numbness and distraction, to tease the senses, to seek orgasm or refuse it FREUD’S MODEL – DE SADE – His stories were full of experiences that were extremes of pain and death (but he did very little, yet paid much). Mostly a man or a group of men mistreated a woman or women. Though he was topped by his male servant anally,and orally serviced the servant also, most people equate sadism with a man topping and causing pain to a woman. SACHER-MASOCH His mainly known tale was of a man who had a crush on a woman who wore furs and rode around in carriages. Who used him as a field and house servant and sold him. He contracted to give her everything, including his very life if she so desired. She got tired of playing with him and drove him/sold him away. Yet most people equate masochism as a woman being topped by a man. Most erotica is about one topping another possibly two, maybe a flogging and nipple pinching, the occasional use of wax or a taser, drugs to subdue or group force, some form of service training to sexual slavery and the occasional urine bath. A Dom/me, Master/Mistress is meant to teach and be a therapist for the sub/slave, not just a sex toy. A street whore/courtesan was historically an educator to novices, an escort to unwed rich men and a therapist to the lonely and sexually disturbed. Breeding to Plato/Socratic theory was meant to be a matter of eugenics. Only the best traits were to be carried on to the next generation. Grace, beauty, strength, fitness/health. I think a lot gets missed out on in sexual activity. There is so much more it could be. Maybe this small tutorial will help the reader understand that.

FEMME HISTORY

Sent: Wednesday, April 29, 2015 at 10:11 PM
Subject: FEMME HISTORY

In the 1920’s we had the suffragettes, in the 1960’s we had the hippie movement. In the two world wars we had women going into the factories to provide for their families and to make weapons and provisions for the war. Recently we have women re-entering conflict as paid labourers to the war machine. HOWEVER, since the cave days, women have been working alongside men to gather food; maintain gardens; run trap lines; do the net maintenance; be skilled artisans for the tribe to trade for food and water rights; as well as the tradition of gifting in many indigenous cultures; and scrolling lines for fishing and trapping while the men did the brute work; protecting the children and elderly while the men were out of the settlement. All while enduring pregnancy, birthing and breastfeeding the babies, raising kids. And keeping the house clean and food on the table. In many of the indigenous cultures the women were the wise, holy elders of the tribe, priestesses, healers, warriors and chieftans. It is only in a world where brute strength is prized that women are excluded and not valued. It is only in that world that women MUST submit to a man. Other wise she is more readily the honoured one. In a fertility temple her role is the bearer of life. In a death temple, she is the caretaker and wraps the bodies and attends the transition into the next life. In a mystery temple, she is intuitive and wiser than her male acolytes and supplicants as a direct result. In the guilds of Europe she was ousted from her natural roles and reduced to a house wife and mother. But she did NOT take it easily or willingly. And the tides are turning. Anyone who reduces her role in history to child birth, serving men and only working to pay for the family’s lifestyle underestimates her role in history. Anyone who suggests that only as a domme can we reclaim our alpha has no concept of the power a courtesan has in the education of children in other cultures. It is only in cultures where sex is vilified that the domme and courtesan are diminished to sex toys for men. We are NOT subservient or substandard to men. For the sake of ourselves and our sisters we need to reclaim our true heritage and RISE!!

THE BIG WORDS LIKE……

Sent: Thursday, April 30, 2015 at 6:33 PM
Subject: THE BIG WORDS LIKE……

Well you know them ladies. Words that separate us rudely from the group of our peers, dehumanize us and humiliate us by claiming us as sexual beasts ripe for a predator’s taking? But fit for nothing but their consumption? So I don’t need to list them right? You’ve heard them all. I have the perspective that your man should be the only one who can chastise you, esp with filth and drivel like that. And even he has boundaries of when he should. Am I not correct? Certainly not in public. Not in front of your boss or colleagues. Or in front of the kids. I’m sure you can think of when you would least like to be called those names. And by whom. My hard limit is some strange guy on a power trip who gets off on de-humanizing women to make them appear stupid only in his eyes. No one else falls for that idea that women have nothing to offer but their sexual parts do they? We’ve grown, right? I AM ALLOWED TO SPEAK MY MIND IN ANY PLACE I CHOOSE, AS LONG AS I AM CIVIL. NO ONE MAY CALL ME WORDS THAT DE-HUMANIZE ME OR ANY OTHER LADY WITHIN EAR SHOT. (Say it with me ladies!!)

THE PRIESTESS

Sent: Sunday, May 03, 2015 at 4:31 PM
Subject: THE PRIESTESS

tutoring the new supplicant tutoring the new servant He must come to me on his knees ready to be mine no matter what i ask of him. But what is it that has captured him so? That he would be willing to give his life, his soul to me and my gods? *my beauty *my grace my strength my power my wisdom the mob at my command Or is it something i hold in my eyes when he looks at me? A mystery maybe? Something he has never seen before and suddenly must have or die trying? Has he heard what i am likely to ask of him and let it wrap itself around his mind until he came to me like an automaton, unable to refuse me? Now i will quit speaking of him and speak instead of the lessons he must walk thru to get to my hand so he can just kiss my fingers. water he must be able to hold his breath for as many minutes as our strongest man can under water. he must be able to swim thru even the surliest seas. he must appear to be controlling the waves as he lifts his hands, he knows their movements so well. air he must be able to run as if he sits at his bedside and barely moves. so controlled are his breaths. he must be able to look as if he walks calmly down the street or dances a very slow waltz with his love, grace and serenity in his face as he moves even at high speeds. no panting or red face. earth he must be able to walk miles into the earth and find his way calmly back to the opening without panic or loss of his composure and keep track of where he is as if he were part of the earth, born of it somehow. he must be able to be buried alive and remain calm and of whole mind until relieved. fire he must be able to calmly and with still body accept a baptism of fire and walk over hot coals. he must be tortured with brands as his markings of achievement. his mind he must be able to read, write and speak our holy tongue and recite from our temple books as if he has been reading from them since he was a child. he must be able to call to mind it’s best poems with no script in his hand. magicks he must be able to soothe a beast and a colicky infant with just a tender touch and a smile. he must walk with storms and count the stars by name and history. he must read portends. and tell the immediate future accurately as well as read the heart of the soul in front of him. he must know healing and nature well. and he must think i am the sexiest woman alive. what is common in these things besides his will? he must be at peace, must meditate as if he were a vessel of the gods, not a man any more. and he must see me as his bride. in his arms i must be his true love and his child, his servant and his mistress. we must explore all our senses and every possible position until we are one unit of lust.

FACTORS OF A LOVER DANCE

Sent: Sunday, May 03, 2015 at 4:32 PM
Subject: FACTORS OF A LOVER DANCE

1) it works better if there is a friendship as your primary goal. if you approach your life and the decisions you need to make together you have a better quality relationship. If you lean on each other when the world and the people in it stress you instead of fighting each other too. if you respect the fact that you need each other to make this work and respect each other as equal participants in the relationship you have a better chance of succeeding 2) it works better if you have a fairly equal sexual drive. If one is unhappy, both are. But you can’t possibly spend all day and night every single one having sexual relations so you have to get along. 3) Whether one is passive and one is aggressive or whatever your dynamic is, you have to balance each other out. Like in a teeter totter. You have to be of equal weight. 4) Your fantasy has to be similar. It’s true the human body has only so many holes and appendages, but there are many variations and toys you can use to add pleasure or pain to the dynamic energy. It may be ok to rage in the passion but it deters to rage about the passion. 5) aspects a) domination and submission b) power and control c) sexual activities and the human body d) expression and outlet for emotion e) working thru your body and social image issues with sex as your conduit f) feeling connected, intimate with each other