he kept trying to be a good man (a story)

He Kept Trying to Be a Good Man… (a story)

But he had many reasons why he couldn’t be. Or so he said.
And he sure didn’t have it easy. You can’t argue that, can you?
His dad used to drink like a fish. And instead of being a party guy who went out and had some fun, he came home and beat his wife and children. He did quit…eventually. After the kids were all grown and she had no reason to stay, if he did it again. But that was their story, not his.
Or was it? Because like his father, he was an angry drunk, who thought he was the devil at times. Well he wasn’t far wrong. His partners sure thought so when he was growling at them.
He could say it was genetic or social family. But he was the worst of the litter. The rest of the kids weren’t violent. And one of his sisters had an abusive ex… And he protected the other kids and momma when daddy went on a rampage. No one protected him.
Or he could claim that his story is all about being poor in a northern Ontario town. Where there’s not a lot to do, but get drunk or high and get into trouble. Even if it means they tell you not to come back to school.
He could claim that he fell into a bad crowd. And he wouldn’t be wrong… They don’t come much worse than a gang do. He might have been good at it, well suited. Cuzz instead of being low on the totem pole, he became head of the biker club for awhile.
And they weren’t all bad. They went around leaving gifts on doors for poor families. Food and toys for the kids. You’d think they were a charity if it weren’t for the fact that they also pimped out young girls and sold drugs to kids.
He could say that he had no other choice, being poor and not finished school. But when in and out of prison, he got his GED, learned a few trades and had therapy. He was evaluated at the best forensic centers in Ontario and they did have a care plan for him. If only he’d been able to stay sober.
He even got a rehab space that others were queuing for. And tossed it back in their bloody faces.
Yes, he has good reason to say he was misdirected, somewhere along the way. He could also say he got advantages few others did. Like a really, scary smart brain.
But that would mean that he was more responsible than he thought he was. Thing is, he’s not wrong. The bad stuff was there. And if it weren’t for the fact that his anger made him murderous, it might be ok for him to say he had every right to keep his anger.
And those who fell for him saw the beauty of the little boy he could have been, if even one thing had been different. And they wanted to save him. Some even if it meant their own life.
So it must have been anyone else’s fault…
I don’t know, what do you think?

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