sexual perfectionism – for him and for her

**use of gender pronouns** –
* mostly needed for the body parts and physical/ hormonal aspects of sexuality. The psychological aspects may change and not be He/he and SHE/she.
* sexual/social roles – https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4244004/

**the dynamics of sexual dysfunction:**
HE takes @ 3 minutes to ejaculate and HE thinks ejaculation is when he is done having sex. HE then rolls over and goes to sleep. Never knowing what it’s like to [orgasm.][http://moderntantra.blogspot.in/2013/10/men-orgasms-and-ejaculation.html?zx=833c1af3ecdaf7e6] Let alone have multiple orgasms.
He puts end result pressures on himself and his partner. There MUST be an erection and ejaculation for him and wetness and orgasm for her. HE has a fix-it and do-it mindset whereas she is more about please him and feel good.
http://www.healthline.com/health/erectile-dysfunction/common-causes-impotence#overview1

Then there are [circadian rhythms][https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3249406/] to consider. HE and SHE might be on different hormonal schedules. HE has nocturnal and on waking arousal as primaries. SHE may not. So sometimes, it’s honestly a bad fit or bad timing.

Plus, SHE more often needs to feel connected to him to want sex at all, let alone have an orgasm.

If HE can get erect and ejaculate, then the pressure is suddenly on her. And perfectionism and performance anxiety are big problems when it comes to achieving good sex. For her and him. You get caught up in what you think SHOULD happen rather than what IS happening and there goes the erection for him and the orgasm for her. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/what-would-aristotle-do/201105/some-tips-overcoming-sexual-performance-anxiety .

And frankly, men’s access to their plumbing makes stimulation a whole lot easier than women’s does. You can even access the prostate without going internal. Find the spot right behind the testicles. For the anal shy guys…

But bottomline, it takes pretty much a perfect storm for all to go well, with no farts or sweat when a man and woman have sex. The only advantage to hetero sex is procreation. Yeah 7 Billion people should be enough, right?

Since women have more complex plumbing, here’s more about us:
http://www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/causes-of-orgasm-problems-in-women.aspx?CategoryID=118&
Causes of orgasm problems in women can be physical or psychological and include:
not being stimulated sufficiently
worrying about sexual performance
mood disorders, such as depression
problems with physical health
lack of knowledge or fear of sex
a previous traumatic sexual experience
problems in the relationship
the menopause
When can orgasm problems start?

Orgasm problems can be:
primary: a woman has never had an orgasm
secondary: she has had orgasms in the past, but can’t have one now
Some women don’t need an orgasm to enjoy sex. However, for other women and their partners, being unable to have an orgasm can be a problem.
According to the Sexual Advice Association, sexual problems, including orgasm issues, affect around 50% of women and become more common as women get older.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-human-experience/201404/7-factors-affecting-orgasm-in-women
1. Critical thoughts toward one’s body:

2. Perceiving sex as immoral or bad:
3. Guilt about breaking the mother-daughter bond with a mother who is sexually repressed:

4. Fear of arousing repressed sadness:

5. Fear of being vulnerable:I

6. Fear of arousing repressed memories of abuse and trauma:

7. Fear of loss of control:

all or none

All or None!

[cultural extinction][https://msmunatunagb.wikispaces.com/file/view/Cultural+Extinction.pdf]

When I get into arguments about freedom of religion and freedom of speech, people often argue in a way that confuses me.

They want THEIR view forwarded and adhered to by the law and society, yet those who have the opposite view cannot be tolerated. Those who don’t CARE either way are called ignorants. And people are lumped into groups based on hate and fear, ignorance and selfishness or what is missing from their life, rather than the ideals of their religions. Ideals such as love and peace. And mostly by people who claim to be educated, no less.
Historically, religions have taken their turns being the emperor who tried to kill or enslave in the name of their gods. And the temple leader who lived in riches, while the followers starved and their children died.
Historically, the treatment of the common people by the leaders seemed more torturous or demonic than divine, or divine inspired. Yet people were imprisoned and martyred because they DARED to speak against the throne or the altar.
So it comes to a point where I wonder, why would ANY of them be tolerated by an erudite society? Why don’t we raze them ALL and begin again?
Or deny religion and crown ever existed, ever had good purpose?
That is where I fall on the line of political and religious discussions. I’m more anarchical than liberal.
But I don’t rule the world.
If I did, we’d all live in small villages of like-minded and take care of our own.
Well I’m not likely to ever be the ruler of the world. So that means to ME that the opposite has to be true. ALL religions have to be allowed equal space, equal value in our systems, whether we are their political ally or they are our current enemy. ALL religions should be taught to the following generations, in the context of “people can get nuts about religion” or “common values”.
That is if YOU want to have your freedom? Because IMO you should only be as free as you allow others to be.

human captives

**What if humans were made captive and treated like we treat animals?**

Human Petting Zoo

The star ship docked in the bay and started unloading the stock for their travelling zoo. They were a very popular attraction at many stations across the galaxy.
The stewards locked the ankle and wrist cuffs on their charges and half dragged them into their cells and put water and gruel bowls down. The humans scrambled and scarfed down the snack then shortly after had their poo in the corner. The stewards shovelled it up and threw it outside, all the while swearing. Who likes poo after all? Then they hosed down their wards.
The humans were blinking and howling in some garbled sounds that the stewards didn’t comprehend. But how could they? They weren’t the same species afterall.
Some of the wardens were attracted to their charges, and found moments to caress them and some even took them aside and had sex with them. Never genital to genital. If the steward had a hybrid child, they would be castrated. And the human would be hung, slowly and cruelly. No neck or knees broken. Why would you show compassion for such a creature? It had no soul after all. And a few of the lords enjoyed watching the hanging of humans. Paid a fortune for the show.
When the crowd came to the grounds, the stewards handed the humans over to the ringmasters. They were run about, made to dance and jumped thru rings, Some were lit and others not. Every now and then a human’s hair had caught fire, so now they were all shaved bald. They were not expensive, but it was inconvenient to replace them.
Some of the humans were rabid, so they were made to fight each other to work off their aggression. But just enough to draw a bit of blood. They eventually became punch drunk. But it’s not like they were needed for anything else. It’s just that they became harder to control.
The few humans that were timid were quickly destroyed. They were of no value to the show after all. and what else could you do with a stupid human?
The best specimens were bred. Fit, quick to obey, and took longer to become aggressive or punch drunk. Attractive enough so the audience wanted to look at them, but not so much they felt sorry for them or identified with them.
Humans like that were sold to rich folk who could afford to keep a pet. What they did with them then? Nobody at the zoo cared.
Humans left in the wild were horrible creatures. So aggressive, arrogant and rampantly rutting at each other till they overpopulated their habitat and destroyed it. Then they warred with their neighbours until they could take over that habitat and wreck it as well.
So the zoo owners figured they were doing these stupid humans a service. They had no real concept of responsibility or morality after all. So it really was best if they were used by the zoo to entertain. They were fed and watered and really quite well cared for considering they had no other value.
Now and then a group would raise a fuss about conditions at the zoo, but nobody took it seriously for long. I mean really. Spend an hour with a human and you soon understood how pathetic they really were.

Humans at the Galaxy Company Farm

The stewards were quite diligent with the care of their charges. These humans were being bred for a planet that quite enjoyed their meat. But it had to be tender. So there were specific rules to make them so. They were fed lots of greens and beans. And some cow’s and goat’s milk. The bones were intended for stock pots. So they had to be sturdy. They were given liver once a week for the iron. But had mostly a vegan diet. It cost too much to keep a lot of animals and was known to wreck the air. So animals were prized more for their milk and poultry for their eggs. It didn’t cost as much or take as much space. The humans were cared for enough to make them good meat, but never allowed to get too fat. The right mix of fat and sinew was necessary for good meat after all.
The female humans were milked for not only their young, but another planet had a fetish group that quite liked nursing. They travelled to the farm every week and suckled the female humans for awhile, then returned home. The stewards noticed they often masturbated during the “feed”. They also had carers who changed their nappies after the feed. It was quite a thing for them. The visitors were rocked and told stories before they went home. They called it a kresh date.
The bull humans were sold into slavery when of age, so they could impregnate any planet’s females where the population was getting low. Especially if they were in need of workers. Or if they were a warrior nation and needed soldiers. They didn’t much care if the progeny were hybrids. After all, they lived separately and were shunned by the native species. Left ignorant so they would take instructions from their advanced owners. Taught to look up to and follow the reigning species.
The humans were corralled during the day and in the barn at night. They were expendible, so if a predator took one or two, it was fine. But they could hardly replace a whole herd to human rustlers. There was a real black market trade in humans. The stewards had no idea how these stupid humans could possibly be valued.
Some breeding was done by selected bulls, but they were careful in screening out heredity disorders that the stupid humans had never gotten a reign on when they were wild on their own planet. It was heart-breaking that they had let their own young suffer so. Really all it would have taken was a blood test. Were they really that stupid? Or were they cruel? Evil? In the end, did it matter?
And as parents, they often left their kids in danger so they could gather pretty baubles and technical devices they had no clear need for. It was so vicious! They actually had children who were maimed and died from bad parenting. When a little supervision and sobriety was all it would have taken. How could they be so easily distracted from the real priorities?? How could they be so careless??
Twice a year, the stewards had a branding day and had to shear the hair off the humans so they could put a clean brand on their charges. Some of the customers wanted specific markings and paid for their time quite well. There was quite a collection of porn showing these humans being branded.
And on that day, any human males who weren’t going to be sold as a bull, were castrated as well. The last thing they wanted was unwise breeding. This also had quite a porn cache.
The wild humans had done way too much of unplanned breeding due to their religions and it had taken generations to correct the blood born diseases.
Occasionally a steward got too attached to a human and bred with them. The steward was fired and the human was destroyed. The few they had tried to keep had gotten uppity with the other stewards and it just caused unnecessary work. So they were sent out in teams to care for the humans now.
The stewards were finally getting the hang of dealing with the human herds and actually making a profit now. What a relief!

The Human Emporium

As soon as the lights were turned on in the shop, the humans’ eyes opened and they started making their weird garbled noises. The store owner knew they understood each other, but he had no clue what they were saying or if he wanted to.
He filled the troughs and changed the water and milk bottles in the cages and while they were busy feeding, he changed the papers in their cages. Customers didn’t want to see a full night’s digestive issue from these humans. It was disgusting. He hosed the humans down and sprayed a bit of air freshener.
Then he opened the doors and let in the first visitors of the day. One of his regular looky loos came in, so he greeted her and waved her toward the new stock. He didn’t mind her playing with them a bit. It seemed to help them settle into the store. But after they had been here a few days, it got a bit risky for her. Some of the humans were more aggressive as time went by or they cowered in the corners and cuddled each other. That disturbed him a bit, cuzz he had heard these humans liked to rut. So he sprayed them until they separated and loped over to a different area. The customers did NOT need to see them rutting in the store!
He could only keep the humans at the store for a few weeks. Otherwise they disturbed his customers and he couldn’t have that. So he picked only the most attractive ones that he thought would sell quickly. They needed to have good teeth, a healthy, shiny coat and pelt and bright, quick eyes. Some customers liked the docile ones and some liked them bordering on rabid. And the customers seemed to have favoured brands. While he personally preferred oddities, the customer was king. So he stocked a lot of the palid, pretty ones to turn them over as quick as possible. But he would take special orders and bring them in for reliable buyers. He had an order book with videos and snaps of the rarities for them to look at.
The owner liked to sell the humans, but he never ever took them home. They were such a hand full! One he could tolerate, but he had yet to find a combination that didn’t rut each other. It was kind of creepy to him. Kind of like they wanted to put on a show for him and he just wasn’t much of a voyeur. At first he had tried to make them into his idea of a pet, but they just seemed untrainable. Not for shinies, food or affection shy of rutting with them would they behave on demand. They seemed to take things for granted far too soon and act up. Either they were divas, brats or fighters and he wouldn’t tolerate that around his impressionable children. So he left the humans at the store and brought the kids over at the end of the day, to help him walk the beasts. But he kept a master lead on them, so he could jerk a miscreant’s neck if they misbehaved. He wouldn’t trust them around his kids off his lead. Especially not after a few weeks in the shop. Then they seemed to return to a feral state when they were out of the cage. You’d expect a trained, sentient being to eventually be compliant and understand what was expected of them. But these humans tried to run, rut or fight. Another reason why he never kept them longer than a few weeks. They could not be fully domesticated, in his opinion.
He had a friend who would take the unsellable ones and arrange for the aggressive ones to be sold and the rutters to make weird porn for fetishists. The thought made him ill, but it’s not like it was done by him after all. At least his friend assured him that nobody he did business with made the humans into food. That was intolerable to him!
After all these years dealing with them, he had never developed a like or even respect for the humans. In fact, just the opposite. And he couldn’t figure out why. He was an animal lover and had every other pet under the sun. But these humans? They had revolting habits here. And what he had heard of their wild behaviour was disgusting! It was funny/weird that on their own planet they tried to rule all the species there. He just could not imagine it. If they couldn’t control themselves, how could they control other species? What an idiotic concept!

women’s health

Women have a really intricate hormonal and bodily balance that can tip off and cause problems. Easily. It doesn’t require a “perfect storm”.
Common symptoms that let you know there is a problem are:
* bleeding changes with your periods
* sudden weight gain or loss, bloating, fatty
* cravings, appetite changes
* abdominal pain, cramps
* discharges
* migraines (I know, wrong end, but it’s true!)
* pain during or after sexual activity
* gas, bowel changes
I don’t mean once or twice. I don’t mean your friend has something with symptoms like you had once in college or HS.
And to differentiate often takes actual pathological tests. Not what your friend thinks might be wrong.

Some of the things can be minimized by taking care of yourself; fitness, healthy diet, not smoking, using a condom when you have sex…
Some of the things? Well shit, you just got a bad genetic code somewhere, and sucks for you.

A lot of these things can be managed, without having major surgery. Some can’t be managed even with it. Because by the time you realize you’re having an issue (symptoms) you are too far along and treatment is a “hail mary”. At least by Western medicine.

A lot of the current research says [PAP tests][https://forwomenseyesonly.com/2012/11/13/what-doctors-dont-want-you-to-know-about-pap-tests-and-pelvic-exams/] , mamograms and ultrasounds are the way to go to keep on top of your health. But unless you can get an appt in the window of your cycle, and have a doctor and lab & radio tech who are on top of their game, you will get a false result in up to 60% of the cases.

Your best advocate for your health though, is still you. So be sure you keep track of things like cycles, bowel movements, eat a healthy diet full of fibre, folic acid, balance your Omega 3 & 6 fats, D3 and iron and reduce caffeine (yes I mean chocolate too) and alcohol. Also as you age, it’s really important to watch your calcium and magnesium intake. You DON’T want brittle bones!
Good luck ladies!
Oh if you don’t believe me, here are the readings (yawn)…

. . . .
[pcos – endocrine disorder][http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/polycystic-ovarian-syndrome/Pages/symptoms.aspx]
[ovarian][http://www.webmd.com/women/guide/ovarian-cysts#1]
[fallopian tube][http://pubs.rsna.org/doi/full/10.1148/rg.312105090]
[polyps][http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/uterine-polyps/basics/symptoms/con-20027472]
[endometriosis][http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/endometriosis/symptoms-causes/dxc-20236425]
[endometrial polyps][http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/uterine-polyps/basics/symptoms/con-20027472]
[fibroids][http://www.medicinenet.com/uterine_fibroids/page3.htm]
. . . .
[polyps, cysts, or fibroids][http://www.arobgyn.com/cysts-fibroids-polyps-whats-difference-cancer/]
[endometrial hyperplasia][http://www.cancer.ca/en/cancer-information/cancer-type/uterine/uterine-cancer/precancerous-conditions/?region=bc]
[hpv][http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/hpv-infection/symptoms-causes/dxc-20199064]
[obesity][https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20088734]
[smoking and the birth control pill][http://www.mayoclinic.org/drugs-supplements/estrogen-and-progestin-oral-contraceptives-oral-route/side-effects/drg-20069422]
[hypothyroidism – endocrine][https://www.edmcasereports.com/articles/endocrinology-diabetes-and-metabolism-case-reports/10.1530/EDM-13-0050]
[cancer][http://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/womb-cancer/symptoms]

. . . .

Women in the Work Force Today (yes I said today!)

What is the point of a woman being in the work force if she can’t get equal pay for equal value? And how can the world of over 7 B people cope if women never hold down a job?  Especially if the people spend at least half their year working for the govt and are encouraged to spend spend spend in the modern consumerist society? AND when women often get left alone to raise the next gen.

[wage parity][http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/national/gender-pay-gap-a-persistent-issue-in-canada/article34210790/] 74-75c p/dollar

[disparity effects GDP][http://www.theglobeandmail.com/report-on-business/careers/canada-slow-to-close-gender-pay-gap-despite-projected-gdp-boost/article26761080/]

[Princeton  –  effects of poverty on children][https://www.princeton.edu/futureofchildren/publications/docs/07_02_03.pdf]

If she is poor and underserved by the education system, she is forced to work in limited, go-no-where occupations and raise her kids by those limited proceeds.

[poor mom can lead to generations of poverty and need for social services/supports][http://nationalassembly.org/Uploads2/Resources/NHSAFull_Report2GenOSOWFamilies.pdf]

And she is penalized for procreating by lesser wages and mistreatment by the govt and her employers and coworkers. Just because she is a woman.
[pregnancy][http://www.chrc-ccdp.ca/sites/default/files/pregnancy_grossesse-eng_0.pdf]

There are things employers could do… the govt could legislate… to make it easier on working moms. That would help a LOT. Well for some occupations anyway.
[flex time][https://www.dol.gov/general/topic/workhours/flexibleschedules]
[remote working][http://www.theglobeandmail.com/report-on-business/careers/career-advice/experts/work-from-home-the-same-rules-apply/article8846672/]
[Supreme Court – employers must accommodate child care][http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/employers-told-they-must-accommodate-staff-s-child-care-requests-1.1315953]

for women who work at least, if they won’t do anything else. I mean isn’t that the LEAST they could do??
And after all those years of work, how do we end up?  Poor!  So what exactly is the point?

[women retiring and pension disparity due to caregiving][http://canadianlabour.ca/issues-research/did-you-know-senior-women-are-twice-likely-live-poverty-men]

I’ve been hearing that we have it all together and feminism is no longer relevant today… I think you might have missed out on some schooling.
But hey it USED to be worse. We’re no longer chattel! (looks at links)  Or are we??

your libido

Your libido is influenced by many factors. But they come in certain groups that influence you.

Beginning with the love maps you developed as a child watching your parents interact, (Dr John Money), you watch the world and the people near and dear to you and consider in your sub-conscious what that means for you. How intimate you can be and how much you will trust others.
* You bond from conception to @ 3 yrs of age
* Your primary social learning is done prior to 7 yrs of age.
It is also influenced by how safe you felt as a child and young adult. This affects how “present” you can be in a sexual context.
Then there is your physical health – Hormones, allergies, neurotransmittors (serotonin, dopamine, endorphins…)
What your perception is of who you are and who your partner is/could be: gender, orientation, attraction potentials.
And your mental status – anxiety, depression, OCD, awareness of self and other (bonding, personality)
And finally, if you have been victimized as a sexual being and develop PTSD.
It cannot possibly be derived from one simple source as humans are complex creatures.
Bottom line, sexuality and gender come from you, your partner and those who influenced you both. And they have multi-social institutional impacts.
Here are a few places you can begin your education on what makes you be easily or minimally interested in sexual expression and relationships. And some questions for you to consider…
# . . . . . .
# sources
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201204/10-ways-read-your-lovemap

## Destination
* Do you expect that all romantic relationships involve commitment?

* How long do you think relationships should last?

* Can you not be satisfied until you find the right romantic partner?

## Time to destination

* What is the ideal length of time between meeting someone and arriving at a romantic commitment (saying “I love you”)?

* If you’re in between relationships, how long do you think is healthy until you get into your next relationship?

* How long are you willing to wait until your partner is able to make a commitment to you?

## Obstacles to avoid

* How much disagreement would you be willing to accept between you and your partner on basic life values?

* Does the prospect of getting into an argument with your partner excite or frighten you?

* If a partner doesn’t want a monogamous relationship, is that a deal-breaker for you?

* How important is it to you that you and your partner spend most of your time separate from other friends, family, or social obligations?

* From these questions, we can identify 4 types of lovemaps:
## Relationship-oriented:
You desire commitment, want your relationships to last, and don’t like being without a partner, and want your relationships to be conflict-free. You prefer to be with your partner but don’t mind spending time with others.

https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/Photocopy/153416NCJRS.pdf

1 . Denial and dissociation
2. Avoidance behaviors (due to shame, despair and fear)
3. Delusional omnipotence (controlling that which will achieve the sexual aim of the addict)
4. Narcissism and deception
5. Sexual obsessive and compulsive behaviors (out of control)
6. Risk taking
7. Excessive fantasy
8. Endangering one’s professional and family life
9. Tolerating abusive relationships
10. Living a double life
11 . Desperate and irresponsible behaviors
12. Lack of appropriate boundaries
13. Decrease in one’s spiritual or religious life

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2695750/

http://theutopianlife.com/2014/10/14/hacking-into-your-happy-chemicals-dopamine-serotonin-endorphins-oxytocin/

http://www.drmyhill.co.uk/wiki/Allergy_and_addiction

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/10438079

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/obsessive-compulsive-disorder/home/ovc-20245947

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3354400/

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/compulsive-sexual-behavior/basics/definition/con-20020126