If you want to be ‘alpha’ be a great ape
There’s a LOT of talk about aggression in self help circles. How it’s ‘natural’ for men and boys to be aggressive. Using examples like wolves and unrelated to humans species like lobsters.
But humans are great apes biologically…. So shouldn’t we be asking what does an ape live like?
Pair bonding is something apes do to provide for the safety and teaching the young. They prioritize the young so much, they ‘adopt’ orphans. Apes aren’t always monogamous though. I guess so long as the parenting is done, they can play away?
Male and female apes spend their days foraging, building nests, caring for the young, grooming their lovers…. And the hierarchy has a male and female alpha. They mostly live in social groups or ‘families’. So their goal is to get along. If they do have fusses, they quickly resolve and forgive each other.
Dr Frans de Waal has some general ideas of what ‘all apes’ do (esp chimps and bonobos – our closest cousins). They do have socialized gender roles. And are commonly homosexual as well as mating for young. So BI-sexual.
If that’s not the type of advice you’re getting from your self help guru, they’re not your friend. Be an ape, not a dupe.
And give yourself the grace of remembering that great apes don’t do well in the zoo either.