Growing Up Fundie – The 3 Ds That Get You in TROUBLE!!
It’s a challenge when all your childhood you get told that there is only one God, one truth, one way to worship…. or you will be kicked out into the evil world. That means there are some things that you just cannot do:
God has a plan for you. Sounds pretty fatalistic, doesn’t it? That usually gets said to you when life is turning sideways too. And it’s all you can do to believe God exists, let alone that it will all turn out ok. I mean, look at the world, right? The response though is that the sinners are getting punished. Response two is that there’s a lesson or blessing that will come of this if we’re patient and trust God. Mostly the lesson is that people are going to die and there’s nothing you can do about it. (Depression)
The Bible is the word of God. So what if there are thousands of Christian sects, always at war. So what if the Bible argues against itself. The liberals say don’t take it literally, the fundies say every word is God’s law. Live it all or you’ll go to hell. God would do that to his beloved children?? (Anxiety)
You have to behave and do what your God, preacher, elders, and parents tell you to do. Or you’re a bad kid. Does it matter if they’re following God’s law? Nope. Does it matter if they’re worthy of honour and respect? Nope. (Frustration, rage)
- So how do you hold on to the faith when that dark night of the soul comes along?
Well it helps if you don’t know there’s another option.
- But today, it’s a really isolated kid who isn’t aware that other POVs exist, and some of them offer a different God. One that may not be as hard to follow.
- So now what?
The now what for me was leaving the church. Which caused trouble with the family of course. Because one thing fundies do is excommunicate ‘the fallen’. I wasn’t technically a member of the church, as in not baptized, but my family have generations of preachers in it. So it didn’t sit well. And even though they weren’t living up to the teachings of God, Bible or the church, the fact I wasn’t attending caused issues. Esp when I had my daughter.
I couldn’t sit in a pew with them and make like they were who they were pretending to be. I couldn’t stay in a church of mostly relatives that knew what was going on in my home and did nothing. I couldn’t stay with people who were not showing my kid and I the love they were supposed to be. So I left.
The church and my family. My family kept trying to bend/break my will. Like I was the one who had the problem(s). I didn’t even go back to bury my dad or step mom. There was no way I could, after they had forced me to chew my foot off to get away.
I still believe in the tenets I grew up with: community, family, stewardship of the earth, peace. But now the arch faith is paganism vs being a fundie.
My family would say it’s my lack of faith. But that’s a tough sell, when they were the ones shoving me out the door. At every turn. And when I still have faith. Just not theirs.
What brought this post on?
I’m watching the show ‘Saving Grace’ and it’s poking at all my fundie bruises in a big way. I really identify with Grace. I’m hoping that at the end of the show (after I bawl one last time) it will bring healing.
….. What about you?
Do you have similar faith/childhood issues you find triggering when you watch media or get into discussions?