Q – Perfectionism Sought in the Group
I often get into discussions with people about their family and friends, and how they get treated by them. They say it’s really cool to have people who check them, who don’t put up with their BS etc.
It just boggles my mind. Maybe because I’ve been in relationships where emotional abuse happened? Hypercriticism, coercive control, gaslighting…. But this kind of relationship has made me walk away. I won’t stay in it. Not before and not now either.
So I’m curious. What is the line between a friend who wants you to grow and be your best self and someone who moves on you to correct you? Whether it’s spelling & grammar, how you dress, what you eat and how much you weigh, who you date….they ‘help’ you make decisions as if you were two rather than an adult. Aren’t they showing you they have no faith in you to do it yourself? Aren’t they saying they think they’re at least better than you, if not perfect? Are they saying you’re stupid or crazy?
Do you have to be perfect to hang with your people? Or at least on your A game? Or can you just chill and be your shorts and tee self with them? Apologize if you step on their toes and kiss & make up?
Where is the line in this behaviour? Do they wait for you to ask for their advice or opinion? Do you want them to tell you if your SO hits on them? Or if they think you’re at risk in your relationship?
….. related to BDSM/Kink
Are you in a dynamic that includes p/funishment, are they more your parent than your partner? Are they always the top/bottom? Is that what was agreed or did it sort of just happen that way because you’re tired of struggling with them for supremacy?