Imagine dating as Mr Nicholas Claus….

The ad he’d place on a kinky dating site:

Ladies, I like women, bad (I’ll call you a ho!) or good women (I’ll pat your head and call you a good girl!). Round and skinny women. (I’ll feed you candies nuts and fruits) Young or old women. You can sit on my knee (My cage is on and locked. I only cum once a year!) and tell me your wishes and secrets. (I’m wearing a gag) I’ll be your best man ever. You’ll get lots of presents, many artisanal, bespoke pieces you can hand down to our children. And my ride is your ride. Anywhere you want to go in the world, all you have to do is say a word and you’ll be there. All I ask is you wear a red dress with fur on the cuffs and hem for the rest of your life. Is that something you could do?