Shaman Works 3 – The Loss Profile
The sessions and assessments were going really well so far. And most positive sign yet was how cooperative the client was with both her and her assistant.
Today, the focus was on what the client had previously been and been able to do, how accepting they were of the change in their life, what their dreams had been and what they would be revised to.
Many people mourn the person they used to be if there was an illness, abuse or injury that forced this change in what they were able to do now and how independent they now were. It can be as severe as having a death occur to those who are anxiety or grief prone.
It took some time to walk this process with them and see how realistic their future hopes were. At times they had to create a whole new person and future.
The shaman usually took a few sessions on this and only if the client had been cooperating. So she was excited when she could get to this part of the journey.
The questions were a LOT easier than the thought process could ever be:
- What sports and hobbies did you used to engage in?
- Can you still participate in them? (viewer, coach, socialization with other fans of the sport or hobby)
- Can they be adapted to suit your new ‘normal’?
- How fit were you?
- Do people you used to engage with still treat you the same?
- Do they still seek you out?
That kind of thinking. For every no from the past, they had to figure out if there was a viable way to engage with a love that was safe(r) for their present and future self.
And the shaman had to buffer the client with discussions of what they could do instead when the loss was profound and unlikely to be recovered at any meaningful level.
Some of that could be done by exploring similar sports or hobbies that were more adaptable.
But sometimes the client had to build themselves a memory book and enjoy that for something that once was. Like never being a child again, but you could still enjoy what you remember of your youth and be youthful in spirit. Still hold a love for what you had, even if you could never do it again.
The good news was they were going into this phase with trust building between them. That was always a good sign!
Because the next phase would be to bring the people in who would support them thru this process when they applied it to their life, rather than just as a discussion.
This was actually harder in many cases than working with the client. Because the number one rule of dynamics is that the groups always fights change. They like the person they used to control, they rarely want them to heal completely or adapt completely, Because even though they blame them for needing extra time and energy, that need gives them purpose.
The group doesn’t like independence. And without independence, the person is left infantilized.
And whether that suited the group or not, it wasn’t healthy for the dynamic or any of the individuals involved.