Year 101 – How to Negotiate with the BAD GUY!

Year 101 – How to Negotiate with the BAD GUY!

Whether the guy is your child, a partner who has misbehaved, a criminal or a terrorist, I think there are things in common in how you deal with them.

  • You don’t have to agree with them.
  • You don’t have to like or appreciate their actions.
  • You don’t even have to like THEM much in that moment. You’re human, you get angry, hurt, scared, frustrated, disappointed, jaded.

But you DO have to respect the fact that the more hostile you are towards them, the longer your negotiations will take, and the less likely you will get them to concede anything. At all. Which can be a disaster when a bomb is ticking away and/or their deadline includes someone’s death. They will not be the only one who wears that guilt.

Negotiations 101 begins with the concept that concessions are the key to victory. The sooner you get them to concede to even the smaller stuff, the sooner you win. And sometimes the better way to get those concessions is to match them. eg. If you give me your ……. I’ll give you my …… and follow thru if they do what you want. You must keep your word.

It’s a play of trust, honesty and respect. You both know that you both want/have to win. You need to come out of this looking good for your team and anyone who is watching. And unlike parenting, when it’s often you two, negotiations at the level of criminals and terrorists is often with quite a few spectators and stakeholders.

Neither side is willing to be shamed.

There is no gain in that, not in the long run. It might win you this round, but the next time you will have a harder struggle. Unnecessarily so.

Neither side is served by you treating each other with disrespect.
I don’t mean you have to cowtow to their whims. I mean you have to hear out what they have to say. I don’t mean that you have to buy into their ethos. I mean you have to listen. And sometimes that listening can win you the day. Because we all want that. Understanding human nature is most of the battle in negotiations. People who misbehave are feeling oppressed and frightened, aggrieved about something. In your listening, if you find nothing else about them, find out that information. What triggered this behaviour? Because if you can solve that, you may walk away with the trophy with fewer concessions and losses.

Some states, religions and parents thru time have chosen to be hard asses when it comes to seeing themselves as, being the authority and won’t give an inch. Some of them use the same tactics no matter who they deal with. eg. Have you met the guy who treats his wife and coworkers the same way he treats his infant child? They get no autonomy, no dignity, no recognition of self-hood. If they misbehave, they get punished, not taught. No commisseration when they err.

When you want someone to fall in line with your needs, this gets you someone who only complies when you are watching, when you are there. It doesn’t get you long term compliance. That comes when someone feels they have a voice in their own lives, have choices, independence and dignity.

The authority figure who gears their attitude and style to the needs of this one before them is going to win the day. eg. Were you treated the exact same way as your sibling? Or built up due to your aptitudes and desires? Expected to succeed with the exact same stimulus and support? Or recognized as having your limits and flaws so you could succeed? Because no two people or groups will be the exact same. What helps one harms the other. You can’t lose sight of that.

What does this person need to walk away having given you what you need to win?

The best answer to that is that you both win something. Back to listening and concessions again.

Being ready with a list of things you need and are willing to do to get your win, having a mix of tactics that are hard and soft approaches, and treating the person you engage with like a human being rather than a monster will get you further than threats and intimidation will.

Just don’t lose sight of the fact that they may really be willing to do evil to get what they want. So you can’t let them win. Not the long game anyways. And your way of winning may determine just how evil that is.

And the watchers, esp in these days of CCTV and cellphones, really are everywhere. The last thing you want to be known for is being evil too. Human rights and civil freedoms do mean something still.

We can just hope that most of us never face a bomb going off as a result of our decisions in leadership.

Educating the Idealist? (a story/ish)

Educating the Idealist?

The world should be perfect, right? Or at least trying for good, shouldn’t it? Shouldn’t we? Or is that too much to ask?

That’s what Jimmy wanted to know. Being a teen, just a fledgling. On his own, paying his own bills finally. So Jimmy got to chose what he did with his few dollars that he had going spare.

And of course, this made him have thinky-thoughts.

The govt asked for too big a piece of his check. The govt was too big, too bureaucratic. And it’s not like they listen to JQPublico, is it?

And what is with all that money spent on things that’ll never ever achieve anything? Or are bent on destruction rather than aiding the people? He could use a raise or a promotion, and some good holiday pay! That he didn’t have to hand over at tax time! And how about less interest on credit cards, so he could take a vacation? Instead of working endlessly for ‘the man’! The greedy, greedy man!

Jimmy asked good questions, but there really are no answers for them, are there?

At least that’s what his parents said. Jimmy should be thinking about the next five years of his life and what his goals were. Did he have savings? Was he planning his retirement, his funeral and will, the kids he’d have that needed to be educated?

Jimmy thought 30 was old, and his parents ancient! So what?
Did he need to live 10 years max? Yeah he’d be fine! Besides, none of his friends thought of those things. There were only a couple who were even coupling at his age! So maybe before the kids, ….he should try having a steady girlfriend?

If they talked about anything deeper than whether pot should be legal or booze shouldn’t be, it was more likely to see that their folks have squandered everything, and now they wanted their kids to fix it all. Yeah parental units, do it yourself! Clean your own rooms!

Isn’t that what the parents taught their kids when they were growing up?

And Jimmy and his friends watched as their parents lived differently than they lectured and made rules for. And how they still barked orders, even though their kids were now out of the house. Tried to still give them a bedtime and curfew even though they didn’t live together anymore?

Jimmy kept looking for the damn leash they thought he was on.
He’d thought being an adult meant having a little freedom. But he worked so long and hard to have a few bucks left at the end of the week to play with his mates, that he felt more like a servant than a human most days. And he was dog tired! If he had a vacation, he’d prob spend it asleep!

Is this all that life was? Is this what a child dreamt of when they became an adult? Well, he wasn’t a firefighter or a cop. He wasn’t a doctor or a superstar with millions of screaming fans.
Jimmy was Joe Schmoe and it was looking like that was all he’d ever be.

It didn’t seem like there was anything worth fighting so hard for.

…..Till one night he was playing online, surfing along and going deeper and deeper into the dark web. Realizing his parents might have been wrong.

There just might be another way of thinking.

Motivating the Hired Hacker (a story/ish)

It was obvious to anyone who came by this website that the facade wasn’t a pro job. It was too bland, Prob didn’t want to be noticed. So it was linear to the max and really repetitious.

But she’d been warned… So she kept trying the usual buzzwords and not getting admission into the site. What did these people care about? Well they weren’t the usual group she heard about all over the news, Nothing like holy war or infidel came up. NO #PBTHN or #BHHN worked. Well, that was a nuisance! She didn’t think they’d dare name the prophet, but tried it just the same.
Nope. Had she got the right group? She tried a few others that the news was always on about. No matches. WTF??

She looked at the men and women in the room, trying to get a read on them and seeing nothing that looked remotely cultural or religious. Just business wear. They didn’t even look ‘street’. Not even tagging as real wealth either. Middle class maybe? She didn’t think their clothes were haute couture. Nice, but not expensive.

She was running out of references.

Maybe she had to think of more usual words, common time language? Instead of eastern, try western education of the time. They sounded like they’d been to school after all. If they had a job, it was probably at the mgmt level. Or certs like doctor, teacher or lawyer.Not who she’d have pegged at all when her friend told her about this job.

But the lights were indicating she was headed in the right direction now. And a few of the heads were looking in her direction.

So she turned on her gadget and used the past few words again. Some of the letters were right.

Here came anagram play. It was one of her fave puzzle types to relax with.

There! She hit the right letters. And all the heads were looking in her direction. 1, 2, 3….. gotcha!

The pass word was ‘ G.R.A.D.U.A.T.E’ and the number was a year 2002. And she was in.

The leader came over to her desk and shook her hand. She had taken only 2 minutes to get into their site. Fastest time yet. If she wanted the job, she was hired.

When Are the ‘People’ Allowed to RISE UP Against the Govt or it’s Forces?

When Are the ‘People’ Allowed to RISE UP Against the Govt or it’s Forces?

Some would say it’s about the right to be ‘free’ and others would say they are being ‘oppressed’ or ‘repressed’ and treated like children. It’s beyond an adult being to live as they chose, so long as they abide by the laws of the land.

Some might say they are being treated differently than others, targeted, or the govt is prejudiced against them.

Some may say they are being used as slaves ‘for the good of society’, little chance of their lot in life being improved.

Some would say they cannot even determine their own life or make decisions for themselves and their family. They can’t even control the safety and health of their own body.

And some would say they are oppressed by public health directives. When they are given several ideas to use to reduce their risks and can chose whether they isolate or follow the directives.

Some would say they can’t keep their jobs, the roof over their heads, and have to beg at food banks for food for their families. When they’ve worked all their lives to pay taxes, but the corrupt govt is keeping funds from them.

Most would say whatever their issue was they shouldn’t be facing life imprisonment or execution for speaking their truth. Nor should the media who cover their stories.

I happen to think the govt is crazy big, and have lost sight of the fact they work for the citizens of their country. Not the other way around.

What happened to the day or idea that the govt was full of people who were honest, God-fearing people trying to do their best to take the load off the rest of us so we can go thru our day and have a safety net?

What happened to the day when we were given the right to vote freely and without consequence for people we could believe in?

Was I dreaming when I heard that’s who they’re supposed to be? Yeah, nvm (turns over and goes back to sleep)

…..

USA – police bruality protests
Poland protest -anti-abortion
farmers’ and allies’ strike in India
corrupt govt?

Charisma – The Priest, The Actor, The Whore, The Clown and the Rebel (a story/ish)

Charisma – The Priest, The Actor, The Whore, The Clown and the Rebel (a story/ish)

There was just some intangible ingredient that you couldn’t name or put your finger on. It’s like putting salt in a sweet or sugar in a savory. You aren’t really supposed to taste it, but if it’s not there, you know. It doesn’t quite …. marry.

But what does that have to do with people?

It’s that thing that makes your eyes follow them when they walk across the room. They could be one of a room of people. They could be one of a set of twins. But this is the one you want. At least to lead you, to admire. And sometimes you lust for them.
Sometimes it’s like they’re the other half of your soul and till the second you saw them, you had missed them. But now you were whole.

I’m not sure there are enough words in the English language to explain it. Sometimes it only happens in person, sometimes you can even see it on TV or the web.

That spark ignited. You felt that frisson.

When my eyes looked at him, when my ears heard his voice, I just felt ….. it. In my soul, in my heart. And it was like his arms were around me and he was holding me close.

But he wasn’t. It was all emotional. A major sense of connection. Of empathic ‘knowing’ each other. Of everything that was important to know.

It was like a sexual bond, so intimate. But we hadn’t touched or kissed. So how could it be? It wasn’t even attraction, not physically anyways. It was just…. deep. All encompassing.

I knew what we believed, what we felt, what we desired, And nothing could dissuade me. No amount of reason.

I couldn’t drag myself away from him. And never would. He would be in my soul for the rest of my life. Even after I knew that his humour was dark, his gaze was threatening me, and he would sooner kill me than kiss me. Well, at least he’d rather see me dead than be near me.

But what did it matter?

I adored him. I worshipped him. And I’d rather die for him than anyone else on earth.

But what made it impossible? Now that he had asked me to risk my life, I could no longer do it.

For my sanity, i had to tear myself away. My soul broke in two. my heart shattered. And I would never again be quite as capable of deep feeling for another. There was a fissure where none had been before.

I saw him. Anywhere I looked and felt that draw of pathos, humour or emotion, he was there.

And my eye was the first to bleed. Then my heart.

Who is this creature that had broken me?

They call him Charisma. It’s an apt name for him.