Parental Burnout : From a Song to a Real Life Struggle
Mother’s Little Helper – Rolling Stones
We all try to do our best. And more often that not, in the history of the world, mom has had the most presure put on her when it comes to parenting. She gets little praise and support, then gets blamed when things go wrong. She could go days or years feeling abandoned then gets told she is isolating herself and her child. She attends every cry, every whine. every booboo gets kissed, but when she finally takes a moment for herself, she gets called selfish.
If things go wrong, she is the first pointed at. And the first charged.
But where was the extended family? Where was dad? In today’s time, mostly they are off doing their own thing and have no idea what happens. Then if things go wrong, they come rushing in. Not to help (finally), but to separate mother and child. And to blame mom. I’ll ask again, where were they?
This is an iissue near and dear to my heart as I raised my child alone, with so litte in the way of support. I had to actively seek it out from strangers and groups, rather than be given it by right. As one half of the parenting unit, why was it all on me? I had a huge family… but they were so wrapped up in the fact I was unwed, that I was “taught a lesson” and blamed for her existing. Because to do otherwise would have meant leaving their bar table and being something like the “perfect Christian loving family” they claimed to be. But weren’t.
They never caught on to how much pressure they put on me and how that had to affect my daughter. Is that what they call love and concern? I don’t see drunks being mean and belligerant (and in some cases violent) as helpful to her or to me. I don’t see that as wanting to see her safe. Which is why I became estranged from them.
I’m glad I was never the type who expected me or her to be perfect. I knew we were both loved, needed and valued by our friends and each other. And I put my time priority on her and I, vs boyfriends, career, and some days, even housework. Though I did take some univ courses when she was a toddler. Just to feel like I had a brain. It’s also when I saw a therapist, to sort thru the family shit.
There were times when it was all I could do to get a shower or go pee. And that is a lot to ask of someone. Collic was horrendous!! Then I had to run a bath when she was awake, and get in when she finally slept. I had a lot of tepid baths. (which I HATE!!)
That is the context of me looking up what to most is a cute song by a rock band. And the context on why I am focusing on mom. Because my dad and her father were wastes of space when it came to parenting. I know nothing about good fathers as more than a wish.
And here are the pro resources on parental burnout and the system’s role in the song: