The Toast Master Went Shopping for Clones – O.o say what now??
Times were getting thin and Toast Master (TM) needed more butts in the pews, I mean seats. 😛 So he gave some thought to how he could do this:
If TM advertised, then JUST ANYONE might think they could get in the door. And GAWD KNOWS what might end up creeping or crawling inside HIS club!! (TM looked up the cost of exterminators)
But then again, his group had gotten so EFFING BORING, they had to wake up to go home at the end of a night. Not go home to go to bed. Sad times, sad times!
Newbies might shake things up. Make it exciting again. MAKE HIS CLUB GREAT AGAIN!
Yeah but they had to FIT IN once they GOT IN, #amiright??
(yes Toast Master, you’re always right. That is why you’re the TM!! yawns after saying the right answer. Only to earn a smack on the head from TM)
So who did he want more of?? 😛
TM thought and thought… and thought some more!
The cheerleaders were getting too many tassles in the closet. And all they were doing lately was collecting dust. Dust bunnies and cheerleaders only SOUND cute till you got a member with asthma. (TM had just gotten an insurance bill for members who kept ending up in respirology) NO GOOD! NO MORE CHEERLEADERS! CAP ON CHEERLEADERS!!
TM thought about more jocks. But they bored the SHIT out of everyone with their talk of medals and ribbons they once won and how many cheerleaders they banged behind the seats in the stadium or arena, depending how far up they’d gotten. Ah yes… their haydays. (yawn)
And the buggers kept giving unsympathetic advice to anyone who was 5 kilos over their BMI. People were getting effing MAAAAAD!! Nope NO MORE JOCKS! CAP ON JOCKS!
The sluts and stoners sound fun, till you get the bill for upholstery cleaning…Has anyone EVER told them to lay an EFFING towel down before they sit on their spot? Cuzz nobody wants to sit there after them, do they?? TM shuddered and gagged. And admitted to throwing up a little in his mouth. And imagine how the germophobes feel! Nope, NO MORE SLUTS OR STONERS! CAP ON STONERS AND SLUTS! (TM looked up the price of scotchguarding upholstery vs plastic sleeving it.)
TM thought for a whole second about loners and wallflowers… but who’d they bring with them? He wouldn’t cap them, but he wouldn’t pursue them either!
Funnily enough ANYBODY, ANY RANDOM was looking prettier all the time. Then at least he didn’t have to worry about who he got.
TM’s assistant read his notes to see if she could help him think things thru… and added NO MORE TOAST MASTERS!! CUZZ ONE GALL DANG BLOW HARD IS ONE TOO MANY in a crowd. TM chased her and threatened to FIRE THAT STROPPY COW! (author admits to watching too much Corrie Street lately) But soon settled down, cuzz USUALLY she was a lot of help.
At the end of all his deliberations, TM went to the mall and left a notice for his club. It seems like people were just going to have to WORK THIS SHIT OUT FOR THEMSELVES. And he’d sit in his office and collect the BAGS OF GOLD with ear muffs on. WHO WANTS THE DRAMA LLAMAS ON FULL BLAST ANYWAYS??!!
Wait! TOAST MASTER TOAST MASTER! Have you mentioned your policy on SJWs and predators yet???
TM looked at narrator in his head with ABSOLUTE HORROR!! And dove under his desk!! TM called out, (to his assistant’s consternation)
I AINT HABBIN NUNNA DAT SHITE HIYAH!!
Ahem, so that’s don’t ask, don’t tell then? TM failed to respond from under the desk. He was too busy shaking.