She’s So Sticky, Her Nick is “Caulobacter crescentus” (a story)

She’s So Sticky, Her Nick is “Caulobacter crescentus”


Caulobacter crescentus, if you didn’t check out the link is a bacterial secretion that is super, duper, super glue-like.

Doreen is one of those. If she sees you, she likes you. If she likes you, she latches on. If she hates you, she is forever aggrieved by you. No matter what you do.

And NO AMOUNT of scraping, shoving, threatening will get rid of her! She is stuck to your tail.

And no amount of pressure will get rid of her mouth, if she has a story to tell either. Can you imagine? Gossip falls before her, it is no competition to her mouth. An elephant doesn’t have the memory she has. She can tell you the family history of everyone she has ever known. If you want to know the power position of everyone in town, ask Doreen. If she doesn’t know, she’ll be on a mission to find out!

She is a kingmaker. But not based on talent, or intellect. Oh no! It was all about where you placed in the food chain of what she knew. She thinks of herself as having honesty, loyalty, and she thinks she’s the most moral person in town.

If you saw someone was close to Doreen, it didn’t serve you to be near to them. Or at least not too near.

And who was Doreen? Noone really. She was a bacterial secretion at the bottom of the ocean. Hence the nickname she got from her nerdy detractors. Who else would come up with that?? But ti was a very apt description of her. Secreting verbal sludge that really noone should know!

The nickname didn’t earn them any favours from Doreen. But it did get them some serious laughter from even some of her friends. Because they all knew her for what she was. You have to wonder WHAT possessed them. People like her will turn on you someday. And it doesn’t even take a tsunami to do it either. Just the right word in her ear, from the right person. And Doreen’s eyes turn on you.

And when they do, they’re stuck on you. This lady is no squirrel. And neither is her mind. Call it obsession, narcissism, delusion… she was on you, like white on rice.

In fact, I’m a little scared to tell you about her. I fear reprisal. And just for listening, you might face it also. I’m shaking, just thinking about her. Um I have to go wee! BRB!

Yes well …. Dear Doreen is an older lady. Aren’t the best gossips? And she seems wise, but what she knows (though it might fill a book) can only be told in a salacious tale of her town. And that book will NEVER be sold!! Too many important people would be brought down by it.

You’d think that’d buy her…. something? But though it gets her a seat in any public place, she’s rarely invited into anyone’s homes. Who’d want her checking thru their garbage, or their bathroom cabinet? (I mean who does that, really?? DOREEN that’s who! Which is why she’s no longer invited.)

She thinks she’s doing everyone a favour by spreading her knowledge about. She thinks she’s a moral compass. LMFAO! Apparently someone forgot to tell her that spreading dirty stuff like that is rude and uncaring! So vile to spread words about people’s sex life. So horrid to tell things that belong in someone’s home. And if she has a tale for the criminal records, isn’t spreading it to the town the worst peossible thing to do? It’s never just a friend or two she trusts. It’s anyone who cares to listen to Doreen. And frankly, sadly far too many people listen to Doreen. With no proof that what she says is wise or true. Isn’t that undermining justice? Yet isn’t that what she claims to serve?

I’m sure most small towns and churches have a Doreen. Though maybe not so pernicious? I don’t know. I’ve only met Doreen, and I barely survived the experience.

I’ll never discount her influence again! Yeah I need another pee break! Don’t forget about Doreen! (I say, running out the door for the nearest toilet.)

Yeah I can’t say anymore. I’m too scared!

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