Q – what does it mean to be in charge of your sexuality?

Q – what does it mean to be in charge of your sexuality?


There are many questions you probably should ask, to determine who leads your relationship and to what degree. I came up with a few, based on my experience and needs. You might have others, and please feel free to raise them in your comment. It might help give newbs a place to begin negotiation and even query what they could tolerate as they determine whether they are dominant or submissive. I raised what i thought were serious questions, but if you want to have fun with it? Feel free!

factors –

major premise
Do you make decisions together? Or does one lead and the other gets a voice, but not the final decision? Or does one keep their mouth shut?

controlling the story of the sexual or dynamic encounter –
Are you the one who comes up with the fantasy or direction of the encounter? The leader, vs the follower or people pleaser?

determining the relationship and your role in it –
where are the two+ of you headed in your relationship? Is it an affair or a longer term dynamic? Will you be mono or poly? Is that ever likely to change? Will you have kids? Get married? How will you adapt your relationship? Do you plan that? Or just go with the flow?

negotiating for your safety and how you are treated during and around it
Are you allowed space to be you within the relationship, without being bullied? Do you stand up for yourself? Are boundaries set and adhered to? Do you re-evaluate when things start to lag or get tense? Or just plod along thinking everyone goes thru bad patches? You’d rather get a divorce than talk things thru or get therapy? Do you recognize what abuse and neglect are? What would you do if your partner cheated? Leave or work it out?

Do you make your own decisions? Or have to run things by your partner? Is there a type of decision you would have to check with them on? Do you have self determination? Can you decide who your friends are and make plans with them? Pick out your own wardrobe? Decide how your pocket money gets spent?

Do you plan your own goals? Or is everything about the two+ of you?

and at the end of it. are you dominant/submissive or are you just self determined, strong and aware of who you are as a sexual being? Do you feel safe in expressing your sexuality with your partner?

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