Wants and Needs in a Mate
It depends on what part of you is doing the looking, that determines the things you are looking for. Is it your civilized brain that looks for what your group thinks you need? Or is it your groin that determines who you think is hot that makes your decision for you?
Well, that is where most people talk about mating dances. But there is more to it than that. IMO
I think human beings are made of more parts than just their groin and brain. Deeper relationship needs that control you on an esoteric level.
Here is my list… YMMV
- the beast –
The primordial part of us that looks for a mate to dance and nest with. To search for food and pretty baubles to feather our nest with. To protect each other and our young. And to have sex with when we have energy to burn. And someone who has our back when the predator comes to the door.
- the social being –
Someone our friends and family get along with. Who fits the gang and understands their interests and goals as well as beliefs. Who we enjoy spending time with.
- the creator and destroyer
Call them gods, angels and/or demons, or whatever, we have divine elements to us that seek to control our world and the people within it. And we seek a mate who emulates our dance within the ether.
- the xenophobe and altruist
Pushing someone away because they’re different (a bigot) and you’re afraid, or loving them no matter who they are (agape love) ?
- the child and the elder
The innocent and the wise. The playful and the goal-oriented one. The new and awestruck and the jaded and calm one who reviews life and helps us to set our paths.
And somewhere within that frame, we find someone who fleshes out who we are, supports us in our relationship…
Or do we? Because we still seem to fail a lot at life and love. So what is it that we get wrong? Are we looking for someone who is like us (a clone, a drone) or someone who challenges us and excites us by being different?
Part of the difference may be in how we look at people as well.
- Some people prefer to look inside (intrinsic) when they take directions about life and love. Some take their cues from others (extrinsic).
- Some are people-pleasers and some are control freaks who want their way over all. And will cut you down if you try to change their life or mind.
- Some are headed to self love (narcissists) and some to other love (dependent). Most aren’t at clinical levels and find a medial ground, unless they’re really teed off.
And that is before they even get into the relationship where new and bored fluxes and life stresses happen. And everyone wants what they want. And get frustrated when they don’t get it.
I guess that is why we never get the handle over love? We just muggle thru the best we can. Living the part of us that suits our life the best we can.
Oh well! Just some thinky thoughts lol Hope you got something out of V-day that you needed. 🙂