litmus test of secrets
litmus test for keeping secrets:
Considering the AA/NA pshilosophy:
you’re only as sick as your secrets
(keep in mind that this same group has a “what gets said in group, stays in group” philosophy and only use first names)
Should we evaluate why we keep secrets, and if we should? How authentic should we be? I mean, who really and truly needs to know all of us?
- what is a secret, to you and them? (since it’s a dynamic issue) And what is privacy? What is discretion?
- is your secret(s) endangering someone? You, someone you care about (family, friends), someone who relies on your honesty (boss, teacher) to be safe and feel secure. (include stress and it’s effect on your body and mental health)
- how often could you say literally that it would kill…them to know and you to tell?
- do they need to know to protect themselves?
- do you invest a lot of time and energy to hide it from them?
- does keeping your secret sabotage the relationship? Could being honest give you a chance to work things out with them and have a better relationship after the work?
- how many do you intend to keep?
- do you trust them to keep your confidence if it’s a sensitive matter? Would it lose your marriage, your home, custody of your kids, your academic placement, your job if you told? Could you mitigate that?
- if secrets and lies are like a game of dominos, or a cheesie or chip (you cannot just have one) how many do you have to tell to keep this one secret, and can you keep it all straight? Should you? How many can your brain hold without tripping up?