Poirot

Poirot

À propos Poirot:

I’m a huge fan of Agatha Christie . Of the delightful characters she has laid before us. The quixotic Miss Marple and the fuss-budget M. Poirot . Inestimable detectives with their own ways of sleuthing and finding out who dun it. I rarely figure it out before they do, which impresses me.

So it’s with love that I bring you this fanfiction, tease of M. Poirot. Based on David Suchet’sinterpretation of the character. I just streamed the TV show and several movies. Plus! I have actually read some of her books. I rarely do both. But it was a few years ago.

…. here is Poirot!

Mesdames, Messieurs, et Mesdemoiselles, toute la foule, tous mes invités,
Bonjour, bonjour! Bienvenue, bienvenue! dans ma petite chambre!
I am so happy you are here.

(Poirot kisses the air by both cheeks of the men, and softly clicks his heels and bows over the hands of the ladies, lingering over the young beautiful ones)

C’est tellement excitant. To visit the best brain, the best detective in the world, it must be such a thrill pour vous, n’est-ce pas?

Now I have prepared a little something for us. Un mélange de tisane, des chocolats et biscuits et crème.

Please to sit, asseyez-vous s’il vous plaît!

(Poirot scurries around the table to pour, but he hesitates in front of the mirror to finger comb his mustache and smiles when he is done.)

We must hurry! Vite vite! The water for the tisane must be very hot! Très chaud!

Bon!

Let us begin! N’est-ce pas?

My little grey cells are all ready to work and you will be happy you have come to Poirot.

Maintenant,

As you know peut-être, I look at the psychologie of the criminal, n’est-ce pas?

Why do these people commit such things as murder, …
Bien, pour moi, I say it is the motives of love and jealousy, le crime de la passion, and power and money, n’est-ce pas? Ces gens n’ont jamais assez! Do you not think so? That is the first crime, the first murder. Then to cover it up, the bodies, ils tombent comme les mouches! Oh le bon Dieu!
(Poirot waves his horsetail around in front of his face to shoo away the flies)

C’est importante. Poirot thinks so! And Poirot is the smartest detective on earth! In the galaxy!
Yes it is tout et juste la psychologie qui compte!
Bon! Now Poirot he has taught you all you need to know about crime. Because he Poirot is so kind to tell you this, But still, you will need Poirot to help you. So please to call Poirot if you have murder near to you. I will rush to you! Mes amis, please to call Poirot as quick, as rapidement as you can.

Il n’y a pas de temps a perdre!
Maintenant, we will talk about these bon chocolats! They are Belgian, oui? Mais bien sûr! The best in the world it must be for the best detective, n’est-ce pas? Poirot he thinks so!
And Poirot must serve his guests the best. None of this… this… eau de vaisselle! the Anglais, ils appellent café et thé soit!
(Poirot looks like he is going to be sick at the thought. Poirot takes a dainty sip of the tisane and blots the edge of his mustache with a linen napkin. Then Poirot smiles at the prettiest woman in the room)

Mais, we must discuss the criminals, non? La femme is beaucoup de triste, n’est-ce pas? Surtout si elle est jeune et jolie. ou vieux et infirme. Poirot he is always the gentleman, non?
(Poirot smiles at the ladies)

And the men? They are men of good character who have done wrong, if they are friends or of noble lignée ou richesse, non? The evil men, they come from men who are nouveau riche or working class. C’est vrais mais domage.
A moins qu’ils ne soient racistes! Je déteste ça! Je crache dessus!

Alors c’est ça! I must keep a few of the secrets to Poirot maintenant, n’est-ce pas? Until I am ready to retire, non?
And how have you all enjoyed the grignote et discute avec Poirot,
aujourd’hui?
Bon! Poirot doit partir pour une réunion avec Scotland Yard maintenant! Poirot he is important, non?
Au revoir mes cher amis! A tout à l’heure

~~ la fin ~~ Poirot out!

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