for those not “in the know”
In many cultures around the world, men and women have different temples, different god/desses. It’s almost like being in a different religion for men and women.
I wish I had had that when I was growing up. What I did have was a very stern judge of a God, a male bishop & pastor, and a drunk dad. My youthful boyfriends weren’t going to be good husbands or fathers either. Isn’t that how you see God? By the men around you?
Men in my life weren’t my idea of good role models.
That can be said by a lot of women. Which may explain why as adults we leave the church and go pagan, shamanist or wiccan. Not because we are selfish or evil. Not because we’ve sold our soul to the devil. Not because we revere devil-worshippers either.
But why would you value a male God, if the men you knew were created in his image? Answer- you wouldn’t.
So I started exploring…
I threw out the male, the traditions, the church, the rites I had known and turned toward the female goddesses. I kept the divine, instead of becoming an agnostic or atheist. I really appreciated how their power and strengths were different than the male gods and developed an affinity for them.
I was led to the female mysteries. To wanting a table and/ or temple of our own.
I was led to chaos and individualism. Not because I wanted to raise my own temple, but rather raze the old ones. At least in me. The more I individuated, the more I wanted a journey of one, rather than a culture or temple led by others.
I wanted to learn about alternative medicine, the spirit as it’s own healer and guide. To learn about harmonizing and meditating. Rather than being stuck in traditions i had no affinity for at all.
I could understand why hurt women were turning to female saints and angels for comfort in a patriarchal world, but I even passed them by.
In univ, I learned more about feminism and started breaking away from my raising even further.. Why would I want to be a part of a system that subjugated women and girls, rather than finding a way to use their strengths for the good of all? It just didn’t make sense to me.
My feminist studies didn’t make me hate men or turn me into a lesbian either (as if they could?!), but they taught me about what the feminine powers were and why they were just as worthy of worship as any man’s.
I had had bad experiences with women as well. I didn’t learn to hate them either.
Some people misunderstand the left hand path and think it’s all about the worship of devils…. well it can be. But not all who follow it belong to the devil. Not all who follow the left hand path even call out to a devil.
But let’s say they did… in most cultures, the devil is more of a trixster than an annihilator. Or the god of the dead and the realm of the afterlife. He doesn’t really have any earthly powers. Or he’s a coyote or were rabbit rather than a dark archangel who fell from grace or an imp of his.
That is who the followers in most cultures would be calling forward.
I would love to be a dreamer and say that the world and the spirit are all good and light, but I have eyes and I prefer them open. So I deal with the energies as they really are. Which means recognizing and working with both dark and light. Not as demonic, but as energy or spirit.
Most of what Christianity sees as evil are the thought patterns and feelings of a hurt soul. So that is where I begin my interaction with what Christians call evil. As if a hurt soul is lashing out at someone. For me, it makes it easier to be kind and patient when someone is angry to see it that way.
My current growth/learning path is in sex magicks and divination tools. If you have something I could read? I’d be grateful!
Sometimes I wonder if my path means that I have to walk alone, because I don’t see many around me who feel or grew the same as I did. I know there are others who have at least shared part of my journey though.
I also get that it really separated me from those who began it with me and when they were left behind, it must have hurt them. But I have to be true to myself. And they no longer fit who I am. My leaving/separation was self-protection, not selfishness.
It’s their aggressive response to my changes that made me need to leave though. Not a lack of acceptance on my part.
As a single mom of a daughter, I tried to allow my child to make her own journey. By providing her with knowledge of the world religions and the nature path. I think I succeeded in giving her a good foundation, of at least tolerance.
Even of Christianity. Though it’s been my stumbling block throughout my life. I didn’t want it to be hers.
I get that this is a bit disjointed but there was so much I wanted to say and I couldn’t find a better way to do it. I hope you understand. Hence the title.