when he says the word “pink”

When He Says the Word “Pink”

(Obv not the word I mean, but let’s use it as a substitute. Since it’s normally a female colour)

When he was raised, he loved his mama and sister, and nonna was his treasure, not his nuisance or abuser. And he was raised right, to guard his language and only open his mouth with respect for women, so the word “Pink” never came out of his mouth. Besides he knew if he ever said it, mom would rinse his mouth with soap, and nonna would cry as she slapped his face. Sister would look at him in dismay and refuse to play with him. Some words just weren’t said in his home. And “Pink” was at the top of the list.
When he was happy in his relationship and seeing the world with rose coloured glasses, he never said the word “Pink”. He would never hurt his dear love with such nasty thoughts. He knew if he ever did say it, his love would look at him in disgust and walk away. He knew he sure wouldn’t be getting laid.
Then he knew that the word “Pink” was only said with hate. So “Pink” never came out of his mouth. It never entered his mind.

His mirror twin however, used the word “Pink” like it was water coming from a tap. It dripped, or it ran, depending on how angry he was. If a woman looked at him with the side eye, he muttered “Pink”. If his boss gave him an order, he whispered “Pink” and walked away. If he was bumped into by a woman, didn’t matter if it was an accident, she heard “Pink”. If a girl refused to date him, she was a “Pink”. Any woman who disagreed with him was a “Pink”. Any woman who was independent of thought and action, who needed him for nothing was a
“Pink”. Women were “Pinks”, unless they submitted to his every wish and fantasy. Those women were only “Pink” as an endearment, but they were still “Pinks”.

The first man, first said the word “Pink” when his girl cheated. And it changed the whole world in one second.

The second man got his face slapped one day for saying “Pink” and told that his hate toward women was a fatal flaw and he ought to change his ways. He’d never thought of it that way before.

It seems like an individual thing, the man who says “Pink”, but in a world where women are hurt and killed everyday, just for being a woman or a girl, then that meaningless word “Pink” becomes a symptom of oppression. And every woman who has been abused or raped knows that the word “Pink” is not innocent. And never was. Because while they were being abused or raped, their attacker was saying “Pink”.
Now whenever they hear the word “Pink”, it takes them right back to that moment. To the fear, to the shame. To his rage and wondering if they’d see the next day. That is what “Pink” means to them. A man hating them. Demeaning them.

Is it hate speech? If it was said about a man, there’d be no doubt. But as long as women are less valued by society, you could argue that “Pink” slurs are part of our oppression.
If you can’t use the N word for black or the F word for a gay man, then why are you allowed to use the words bitch or cunt when you hate a woman and get away with it?
Answer? Because she’s a woman.

Q – is there such a thing as reverse bigotry or reverse oppression?

Q – is there such a thing as reverse bigotry or reverse oppression?

When a group of people have been oppressed for a long time, they start to use words that villify those who have held power and dominion over them. Some would say it’s to reclaim their power. Some would say it’s reverse bigotry.

And sometimes they pick up the language that their oppressor used against them and use it among themselves to demystify it. So it no longer hurts when their oppressor says it. There are people who would say they have adopted their oppressors’ attitude as well.

Then there are those who do become part of the oppressors’ group. They take on their culture and even mate with and marry them. They allow themselves to be oppressed on an intimate level. Do they think they are lesser than their oppressor and feel that they deserve this treatment? That the oppressor is the better one?

There are times when the oppressor sees attitudes shifting and call the people among their own group who are changing by hurtful words, to humiliate them in hopes they will reverse their change and come back to the group. They describe them as weak and wrong-headed. In far nastier words of course. It’s like things must remain the same.

Some would say it’s all cycles of the same issue. In cycles of liberal and conservative forms of the culture of the oppressors. No real change has been seen though among the oppressors’ group. And some would say it’s a sign of change.

At the base though, is xenophobia, however you look at it. “You don’t look like or act like me” therefore you’re a threat to me and mine. And the response is to either assimiilate or eradicate the “other”. Rather than get to know what the “other” is about and come to a peaceful understanding and cooperation with them. A detante, if you will.

Some would say that oppressors have a clinical mental illness. If so, is it obsessive or delusional? Do they get that such levels of hate and fear hurt them more than anyone else? Or do they see themselves as right? Given divine providence over others?

IMO There is very little real change at the base. People are afraid of what they don’t know. People want control. And they will oppress others to get it. They look at everything thru those lenses and wonder why everyone doesn’t see it the same way.

Sometimes I wonder if we’ve made any real progress since the caveman days.

Where do you think we’re at? Considering you can put whatever form of bias or bigotry thru this paradigm, is there something you know you have been hated for and found wanting, and felt hurt by? Do you oppress others? Or try to reach an understanding about the “other” in your life?

Dommie Met Iam Bruxo (a story)

Dommie Met Iam Bruxo

And though Dommie tried hard, she couldn’t put her finger on why he was different than what she was used to. He seemed to be doing all the right things and saying all the right words. But they just didn’t seem sincere. Maybe it was the fact he’d only say them in public? Or that he’d only whisper them in the ears of his current flame? And if you made him talk, he’d only shout?
Dommie thought he was putting on a show. And she started to avoid spending time at his house. She stopped spending time with his latest flame. If she was going to hear his words, he had to say them. Dommie started wearing ear plugs so his loud gruff voice didn’t bother her as much.
And Dommie only spent time with him when she absolutely had no choice. He was really rubbing her raw.
Some people might say that Dommie was used to submissive men, who took their cues from her. But she lived in the real world. She had a brother, a father, uncles. She had grown up in school. She had neighbours. And she worked with men too. And she sure didn’t feel much like they submitted. much as she might like them to.
Dommie liked to watch TV dramas and she was used to the hyper-masculine voice there as well.
And even her submissive men needed to be taught how she liked things done. Not all of them were quick learners.
So what was it that was bugging her about this man?
Then one day, Dommie overheard him talking to his mates. When he had no idea a woman was nearby… She was appalled by his words about women. She was horrified at how he spoke and joked about women.
That was the last day Dommie made time to listen to him. It didn’t take long for him to realize that Dommie was on to him. He saw it the first time he looked into her eyes. And he seemd actually frightened. Well it can be hard to be exposed in public. For the first time ever. You’d almost have to feel sorry for him. Wouldn’t you?
But that was the last thing that Dommie felt for him. Now that she knew him for what he was, he wasn’t even a curiosity to her anymore. He had been erased from her mind.

dancing out of lockstep

Dancing Out of Lockstep

ballet and tap battle – politics

tap and street/rock -tradition

I’m a huge fan of dance, dance contests and dance movies.
There might be a love story attached (star crossed, most likely) , or a misfit kid who wants to do something different. But sometimes, they go beyond that to actually make a statement. Which is why I love White Nights and Tap.
Even in that statement, you still see the same type of characters show up.
The artist who cannot be bound by tradition and has to find a way to break away. Usually by finding a compatible groove and mixing the two styles. These days, it’s often hiphop or rock. But it used to be jazz and classical.
The misfit who does their own thing and only appreciates the traditions when they are sooo good, you can’t not love them if you love dance.
The clown or jester who does silly little things that drive the traditionalists mad in their mockery of their old guard.
The gossip who back bites and tells stories about the new kids to be sure they don’t get into the group.
And the dissonant or trouble maker. Someone who makes waves, just because it’s fun for them. It challenges their mind.
Thing is, I see these people in many social circles and they make me laugh, because they cause such mayhem and they’re never corrected for or planned for. It’s only the strongest groups who withstand their chaotic behaviour. Only the strongest groups and traditions even want to. Mostly the group implodes. They have no choice! These characters are better than dynamite! Seriously!!
Imagine how many dance movies I’ve watched to see these characters wreak havoc or devastation. And then relate it to group dynamic, social entanglements or actor-network theory. (Sorry, my sociology dean would be proud though! I wonder if I’d get away with doing a dissertation on it ? Probably not :P). Those who love quantum theories as they relate to human dynamic theories will get a good nerd-gasm too.
But yeah, if you find yourself in a large group, look around and see if between the old guard and the newbs, you find these characters? You probably will! Or at least the patterns, if not the characters. Just before the group implodes. It might give you enough time to put a hazmat suit on, cuzz shit will be flying soon!


The primates are throwing shit again!!

sol et luna (a parable)

sol et luna

Patti Smith

At dawn one morning, sun and moon decided they would switch jobs that day. They were both bored as … bleep with their lives and desperately wanted a change. And they thought the other had the easier job.
So moon began her first day… She beamed as brightly on the earth as possible and thought she was glorious. But soon the people looked up and asked why she wasn’t as bright as usual, even though she was at her brightest ever. They worried a storm was coming and started to hurry about getting their supplies together. Moon was crushed that she had worried the people needlessly and hid behind a cloud till the day was finished.
She cried on sun’s shoulder when he came to her at dusk.
Moon had done nothing she had wanted to do in her first day ever. Nothing but beam at her brightest. Well, for a moon. But it wasn’t good enough.
Sun was a little disturbed by this and worried about how his night would go now.
But he gathered himself together, as sun was wont to do. And he rose to half mast as moon did and gave his softest glow. Barely showing his face to the earth.
The people came running outside, looking to the heavens and wondering in terror why moon was so strong. Was this the end of the world? They ran to the soothsayer and asked him what the ever loving… bleep was going on!
Soothsayer laughed and said sun and moon were having a play day and all would go back to normal first thing in the morning. The people shouldn’t worry so!
The people got mad that their sun and moon had thought they could do such a thing, without asking the people!? I mean, what was UP with these sky lights anyway!
Sun and moon heard the people and got mad. It seemed they were being taken for granted. So they decided, right then and there, that neither of them was going to work for the next day. See what these arrogant people thought of that!
And so they did… NOTHING!
The people noticed neither sun nor moon rose at the usual time. And ran to soothsayer again. He cocked his head and then he frowned. He told the people sun and moon were angry and needed to know they were loved for being their own selves. Because for all time they had been doing their own jobs, being their own selves. And the one day they changed things made the people angry. So they went on strike.
So the people bowed their heads in shame and made two festival days. One for sun and one for moon. A day on which they were celebrated for just being sun and moon.
When sun and moon heard this, they decided to come back to work in their usual spots. Turns out that had been what had been lacking most of all. The feeling of being appreciated. Sun for being sun. moon for being moon.

Italian text

of Monteverde

Darà la notte il sol lume alla terra
splenderà Cintia il di, prima che Glauco
di baciar, d’honorar lasci quel seno
che fu nido d’Amor, che dura tomba preme.
Nel sol d’alti sospir, di pianto,
prodighe a lui saran le fere e ‘l Cielo.

English.png English translation

of Monteverde

By the night the sun will light up the earth,
the moon will shine by day, ere Glaucus
cease kissing and honouring that breast
wherein Love nested, and which now lies
crushed in a sad grave. The beasts and heaven
will greatly pity his sighs and tears.

after sexual assault: body memories

After Sexual Assault : Body Memories

Have you ever walked into your childhood home and, even though nobody has baked that day, you smell your fave cookie or cake baking? Or even though noone is there, you hear everyone gathered around the table at supper or even see them there? It’s called sensory memory.
Or have you gone to the gym and without thought, done the same thing you’ve done over and over? Yet you can’t consciously remember doing the steps? Or driven home after work, yet you cannot consciously remember how you got there, or even if the lights were green or red? That’s called kinetic or muscle memory. Even people with amnesia can remember things they did everyday. Just by taking the first in a series of actions, the rest follows. But they can’t remember their name or today;s date.
Even people who have had organ donations say they have picked up habits that their donor had. But they never did before. And their personality changes too.
Your brain knows this place is where stuff has happened, so because you’re there, you experience it again. In your memory. Or because you have done something so often, you can do it without thought. Or because this is the feelings you had in this place or with this person, or someone like them, you experience the same feelings which triggers the same muscle and nerve memory and actions without you even realizing it. Or your muscles or nerves get stimulated on their own. Without any reasonable explanation.
Sexual assault victims often go thru this as well. Something in their environ triggers them and they’re right back in the moment or the immediate aftermath of the assault. And not only is their brain processing it, so is their body. They feel the pain, as well as the emotions of the moments. Their muscles and nerves cramp or loosen as they did during the assault and they feel the same stimulation. Like they’re experiencing the assault again. Because they are.
And their body has reactions that are out of their present context. So it seems odd or diseased to those who weren’t there, or haven’t had a similar experience. This process is why a lot of assault victims develop medical conditions such as chronic pain disorders ie fibromyalgia.
In this hypervigilent, hyperaware state, their body spasms and releases as if they’re being assaulted again. And again. Even if they’re not being touched.
Even if their brain doesn’t remember the assault, their body does. And in that state of body activity, they look for explanations… like the arousal is because they want sex now. So they act on it.
They are vulnerable, confused and if they aren’t the one acting on their sensory experience, someone near them might take advantage of their state and assault them again. Or coerce them into believing it’s arousal and take advantage.
Which basically means they are more likely to be assaulted over and over.
Partially because either they’re around the people who assaulted them over and over again. or because they’re going thru these sensory or body memories in an unsafe place. Where people take advantage.
And endorphin releases as these feeling and body memories are played out. Which lead to a more alert state. Which can lead to sexual addiction, and/or self medicating with drugs or alcohol. Which leaves them further open to being assaulted again.
And perhaps because this state of hyperalert body symptoms isn’t discussed, people aren’t cued into what is happening and they shame themselves, if they’re the ones experiencing it, or shame the person going thru it. It’s a lack of empathy or understanding that leaves the victim more confused and feeling unsupported.
Bottomline, everyone experiences the aftermath of sexual assault differently. Anything from being numb, asexual and agoraphobic, to angry, hypervigilant and hypersexual is normal and we need to stop shaming them so they can properly heal.
If they understand what their body is doing to them, they might be able to protect themselves from further assaults. They might not act out sexually and relive the trauma over and over, thru sexual addictions and self injury.

sources and quotes


endorphins, shame, reliving event. common triggers and physical reactions

Schwartz (1993) reported that some victims exhibit Sexual Compulsivity as a primary symptom of PTSD. These victims are hypersexual and experience bingeing and addiction to sex. Schwartz explains that during the course of development, children who have been sexually abused view the compulsive event as natural sexual behavior. During adulthood, these people are compelled to reenact these behaviors and find them pleasurable but are also ashamed of them. These victims also experience an endorphin release (resulting in a “high”) due to the flashbacks that occur when practicing these behaviors, thus perpetuating the addiction. Depersonalization (detachment from ones body) can also result due to the numbing associated with PTSD.

Symptoms of increased arousal are prevalent in victims of PTSD. These people usually find it very hard to fall or stay asleep. They also may exhibit unprovoked fits of anger and have a very high startle response. Their ability to concentrate can also be greatly affected.


somatoform complaints, cyclical affect/mood, dissociation, shame/confusion, resulting sexual addictions

When overwhelming stressors occur acutely or chronically, the natural biphasic response, both psychologically and physiologically, is numbing, avoidance, amnesia and adhedonia that cycle intermittently with intrusions of affect and memory, hyperreactivity to stimuli and traumatic reexperiencing (Horowitz, 1986).


35% more likely to be revictimized because

There are several theories, and it varies from woman to woman. Women who were sexually abused as children have learned silence, and may be unable to enforce appropriate boundaries, given their childhood experiences. Some theorize that it is a way of attempting to master anxiety or trauma. Some suggest that traumatization may cause some to revert to familiar patterns, despite whatever pain it may cause. And some others suggest that women who have been assaulted early learn to associate sex with pain and trauma, and therefore are less likely to be able to distinguish between consent or coercion.


2/3 of victims are revictimized. possibly due to appearing vulnerable, silencing being reinforced, same group around them ie incestuous parents, abusive partner… coping includes addiction to drugs and/or alcohol which leaves them unsafe(r)

Problems experienced by retraumatized women were that they were more likely to be alexithymic, show dissociation scores indicating risk for dissociative disorders, and to have attempted suicide compared to the other groups (Cloitre et. al., 1997)

medical Definition of alexithymia. :

inability to identify and express or describe one’s feelings. Note: People with alexithymia typically display a lack of imaginative thought, have difficulty distinguishing between emotions and bodily sensations, and engage in logical externally oriented thought.

Alexithymia Medical Definition | Merriam-Webster


A history of chronic pain and GI, sexual, and pseudoneurological symptoms for which there are no identifiable medical causes are the DSM diagnostic criteria for somatization disorder. This condition has been associated with elevated depressive, manic, and anxiety symptoms.

body awareness, sensory, cellular or body memory – when you are too young, blacked out or dissociated, your body hangs onto the sensory stimulation you go thru and may play it out later in life.

Dommie and Her Coven

Dommie and her Coven


While the young ones gathered the needed supplies for the ritual, Dommie and the elders of the coven gathered around their crone. They talked softly and reverently about the coming ceremony.
The altar of stone and white flowers came together. There were seven gold candles on it and some tiger’s eye. Just in front of the altar, a soft bed was laid for the young man who would be the conduit of Pwell.
The young man arrived and made himself ready to be blessed by the crone and take part in the rites. He was used to being used by the group and was looking forward to the evening. So he didn’t need more than a few simple directions to participate. He nodded and lay on the bed, waiting patiently for the rites to begin. Gathering his focus and centering on the “bride” of the night.
When the candles were lit as a sign that everything was ready, the coven gathered around the altar.
The bride and groom, conduits to Rhiannon and Pwell, lay on the bed and waited for the signal. The bride was blessed. Then the chanting began, calling on the sacred couple to come forward and join the group.
Everyone could feel the energy in the room change and knew the couple had arrived. Everyone watched as the couple began to engage in the sacred act. They gathered into a circle around them and joined hands. Watching as the couple feasted on each other in wedded bliss and forgiveness. They were gentle in their intimacy and yet passionate.
The young man quite enjoyed being taken over by Pwell and his bride of the night was a very pretty woman, so he was thrilled by their activities. And Pwell was happy to have corporal time with his wife. They were excited by the increasing sexual energy, between them and the watchers.
As things came to culmination, the watchers were almost as aroused and intense as the bride and groom were.
The crux arrived and everyone smiled as the couple experienced their frissions of ecstacy and marital joy.
The rites were fulfilled and Rhiannon and Pwell were happy to return to the spirit domain while the couple on the bed gradually came out of their state of bliss. The passages between domains were closed and the altar was cleansed to be sure nothing came thru that was unwelcome or unsanctified.
And the elders of the coven went to sit separate again to debrief, while the young ones put everything away.
All around, it seemd like the night had gone as planned and the crone was pleased. Everyone was beaming.
And expecting the night coming to be full of sensual memories of the rites.

is there a patriarchy?

Is there a patriarchy?


  • When men have the greater % of seats of power, resources, wealth, influence and control in the world.
  • When men shape societal and religious rites, gubernatorial laws, and control women’s body decisions and health.
  • when the most that most women can hope to control is their household, if that, and their pocket money for themselves and their children.
  • if they hold a power seat, it’s usually in an all women setting ie. temple, cloister or school.

questions to view the world with

  • can women walk down a street safely?
  • can they vote independently?
  • can they retain custody of themselves and their children?
  • can they get an education?
  • can they hold down a job?
  • can they hold property?
  • can they go to the doctor independently?
  • do they determine how they dress?


women have 5% of CEO seats in S&P companies today


26/190 countries ruled by women, highest # in history.

current female sovereign monarchs

2/28 – mostly titular seats


Hindu allows female priests
Dalai Lama – head of Buddhism
Hare Krishna leader Radhanath Swami.
Jainism has monks and nuns, no priests
Taosim has mostly male priests today, and monks and cloistered nuns.
Confucianiism – no priesthood and manasticism is counter to culture
[Shinto – mostly male priests, had a ban on female priests till 1945
Judaism – Cohen and Levites – male lineage as priests
Muslim – women can only lead Salat prayers in a women-only mosque gathering


Catholic – Pope is male -male clergy- monks/nuns are mostly in cloister
Anglican – Archbishop is male – women can be ordained as priests
Eastern Orthodox – Patriarch is male- as are priests and bishops – deacons can be male/female

given the predominance of male seats in power

do women have as much freedom as men? Are they equal to men in the seats of power?
Can they have? No. Which is why feminists say we have a patriarchy.

they called her YOYO (a story)

She is the friend of yours that knows all the latest fads and fetishes. Knows where the gossip can be found and the bodies are buried. You know her, right?
She’s also the one who knows all the latest diet tips and which doctor recommends them. Which exercise program is being endorsed by which celebrities and rated at the top of google search lists. She knows the latest colours of the season and what makeup tricks are the latest cool thing and which model is known for trying that very thing.
You can tell what season it is by if she has that 20 lbs on she was fighting not that long ago. And no matter how her doctor cautions her, she must do this diet thing everyone else is doing. And it must be done now.
She wears the latest fashion and dances at the hottest clubs with just the right people. And sees the movies recommended by those trade mags and celebrity talk shows. Reads the books the NY Times recommends and knows who is getting a Pulitzer and a Peace Prize this year.
She knows which TV shows are going to shoot thru the roof and only watches them. Which bands are made of the right stuff for their genre.
If you ask her what’s hot, she asks you to get specific, cuzz there are so many things… what genre, what art do you mean?
Don’t you dare!! play Trivial Pursuit with her! She’s a bitch on wheels when it comes to her fields of competition.
You think at first that she’s smart… till you realize she spends more time listing than learning. And what do you do with that?? Work for an online newspaper?
That may explain why she’s always broke, never keeps a relationship longer than a month… There’s no substance to her. Just a pop queen.