the backstory of consent violations

who had a role and who didn’t
What should be a bunch of people saying the same thing often is a bunch of people talking at each other. And I might have an idea why that is… Let’s see!
the empire came thru and in their zealousy to spread their borders, they raped and pillaged as they went thru. It’s because they won that they get to tell their story at all. They say that their citizens get to have things a certain way, the man and woman have relations and progeny are necessary to grow the population. The empires changed over time and century.
the slaves built temples to the gods, the rich became priests and donors to forward the will of the gods. The poor and the slaves milled about trying not to be sacrificed. The man and woman had relations and progeny were necessary .to spread the will of the gods.
art and language developed over time and a local dialect developed which described their experience. The classes and genders divided, as did the adults and children in how their experience was told. Hunter and gatherer became farmer and wife, who became worker bees in the industrial revolution. And man and wife had children to put the pieces together so they could survive, as the cottage grew. Some cultures having more conciliatory and courtesy words than others. I can’t remember the language, but there is one where they have many words for “yes” and none for “no”.
The family changed when people migrated, hoping for a better life. And instead of having support and privacy at war in a small space, there was more individualism. Drugs and alcohol went from being on the mantle for worship to the gods, to a solace for stress or a medication. The family went from many generations under one roof, at times in one bed, to having parent and child with miles of space. A bed and room of their own. And split houses when divorce was encouraged. More and more single parents raising their children.
And as people migrated, they found they were surrounded more and more by strangers, and they felt isolated and like they didn’t belong in their new world.
health and medicine changed from the elders and women caring for you, to the doctors and govt in charge. From more herbalism, magic and alchemy to science.
women and children went from being chattels to people with rights of their own.
Leisure time and convenience became actual concepts and many children went from workers to school and play. Many things were produced that were made specifically to be thrown away soon. When they broke or needed to be updated.
And that is where many find themselves in the division between the old world and the new one. The old cultures being more concerned with people pleasing and manners. And the new ones with success and ambition. Most people feeling caught between the cultural shifts or divides. Not sure where they belong and feeling afraid of the changes and the people around them.

The questions that came forward are:

(old world)

• how can a chattel say no to the person who has power over them?
• how can one complain about the people who are their intimate support system, who they cannot survive without?
• where can you go if you leave? Into a cold, cruel, evil world?
• can you be abused or raped in a relationship?

(new world)

• outside your group/culture, do you have a role/power/autonomy?
• do your rights include the ones to your body and time?
• who is available as your partner or friend? Who is your peer?

(new era/model)

• what is a man?
• what is a woman?
• what is sexuality? Gender?
• can a woman refuse to marry or have children?
• can a man be the stay at home spouse and full time parent?
• does procreative planning mean sexual freedom?
• is dating now a sexual relationship?

(what is a consent violation?)

• incidents

#unwanted sexual advances #molestation #rape #battery and assault

• patterns

#nuisances #harassment #stalking #incest #murder

And the biggest questions of all:

who has a right to say if they are violated?

the govt, the temple, your family, you?

who is responsible for your safety?

the govt, the police, your family and neighbours, you?

who defines what a violation is?

your country, the media, your temple, your community, your family, you?
Or is that a trick question? Is it all of them or none of them?

does it ever vary, when you feel more or less violated?

when you’re having a bad day, when you’re threatened with death, or isolation?
when you’re an outsider? Or a misfit? And you feel unsupported?

• when you have been a victim, are you always one? Or do you become a perpetrator if you act what you were taught? Having been shown/told nothing else?

I think this might be an impossible thing.Because there are so many variables and what is here is simply a summary of all the factors involved. Yet somehow it is supposed to be clarified and codified.
Which might be why greater minds than mine keep writing about it and coming up with … nothing?