letter to an enabler parent

letter to an enabler parent

Ok so they are using and it affects them. Who they are, how aware they are, their moods and their personality, even their morality.

But you…
You were sober, you were sane supposedly. Were you?
How do you sit and watch as your child is tossed around the room? Or know that your partner just crawled into bed beside you after raping your child?
How do you clean up after them and keep their secrets? Or even try saying that you didn’t know?
Or do you tell yourself that the rest of the time we were ok because you made it possible? When actually what you did was make it possible for them to keep using and abusing/neglecting? It wouldn’t have gone on if you hadn’t made it possible.
Doesn’t that make you the primary abuser?
Which means, everytime we got in the car with someone who wasn’t sober and risked our lives, because you wouldn’t argue that you should drive.
And everytime a fist or foot flew with no real recrimination. You allowed them near the kids. Over and over again. Then soothed the bruises and coaxed the child not to tell anyone.
How many injuries did you cover up? Did they all heal right?
When you joined the addict in your badmouthing the kid for being a drain on their life, a stone around their neck, how did you live with yourself?
You cleaned up the glass, the blood, replaced the furniture, plastered the wall, and told the kids what to say while the addict was sleeping it off. Told them to be quiet and not to be such a … such a … child?
You actually started stocking the supplies so that you could quickly redo or fix anything that was broken. You kept a kit for all the things you would need to soothe bruises and cast a bone if needed.
The house and the addict were covered in cotton batting or bubble wrap. But not the kids. You were happily sitting there drinking your tea, like you were proud of your handiwork. Proud of your planning to keep it all a secret. While the addict snored and the kids cried into their pillows.
So you could go to church and play the elder. The saint. So you could be the martyr to your loved ones. So you could be monarch to your circle.
But I knew who you were then, which is why you hated me, isn’t it? And I know you even better now.
You are a liar and a hypocrite. You are an enabler. Which may be even a bigger monster than the addict you protect.
How does that make you feel? Knowing I can call you by your true name?
Look around you …All those problems you blame on the addict that you see in us kids? You made it possible for all those patterns to continue. So we all have scars.
If only you had called for help. If you had grabbed us and walked out. If you had even just told the addict they had to stop or else.
But you didn’t.
And here we are. The next gen. The ones who can’t love or live right because you made what they did possible.
Is that ok with you? Cause it’s not with me.

Signed your kid.


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