inhibition (a story)

Inhibition (a story)

It took all my knowledge, all my empathy to pull Scott’s service from him. He had said he was eager and ready to learn. But between cracking wise and his anxiety attacks, I was getting frustrated. But when we talked about his fantasies, he was so enthused, so into it, it was hard to believe that he didn’t really want to do them. So I kept going. Figuring he might just need to trust me a bit more. If that were possible.
It was that moment between wishing and doing that slipped him up. And I didn’t know how to help him. So I asked a few friends who dominated their lovers. They thought it might be anxiety, and not just a sexual thing. Because he could have sex with me. He could do all the separate tasks within the fantasy. He just couldn’t seem to put it all together. He had lost a few dominants due to their frustration. They weren’t willing to be vanilla lovers.
If I pushed too hard though, he would mouth off and blame me for his issues. Yet when I talked to his past dominant, she said I had gotten further than she had. She had to walk away while she still had self confidence. He was a hard nut to crack.
Scott and I would talk for hours about domination and submission. He was a very smart man and totally knew the right thing to say and when to say it. So it wasn’t a lack of interest or understanding. Yes, anxiety was the only explanation.
The only things I could think of bordered on rape though. Unless i had his consent of course… So I opened up discussions about sedating him to get him over that hump. Or possibly a rape scenario. CNC of course. His eyes were glowing. And finally he gave me consent for a rape scene.
I had no doubt that he was into it at that point, but I wasn’t sure he would follow thru. And I was almost out of patience as well. But I felt bad for him. That was the thing with me and relationships. My empathy always made me stay longer than I should. Not to worry, even I knew there was a point when I had to walk away. It was just a longer road for me than most people would endure.
The day came…
I had a couple strong men spot me. Because Scott was a strong and big man. If he panicked or raged, I could be badly hurt. I could tie him down, but as scared as he was, or seemed to be, that might make it worse than it needed to be for him. So we talked about spotters instead. They added to the fantasy of rape for him. He liked the thought of them “forcing” him to concede to my wishes.
The spotters and I chatted about the terms of the fantasy and what I expected and Scott wanted. So they knew what they should be looking for during our time together. They were both subs I had released, and they were kind of glad to be serving me again.
Everyone was in the right head space, so we went to find Scott. ..
He was gone.
I found my cell phone and looked thru my mssgs. Yes there was one from Scott. He said he was sorry, but he couldn’t go thru with it. He hoped I wasn’t mad. I wasn’t. But I was done. For no other reason than I had run out of ideas.

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