Let’s think of this for a minute…
Time and attention factors
- Most ppl sleep between 6-8 hrs a day.
- Most ppl shower and use the toilet, so let’s say they get 2 hrs for that. Including hair and possibly makeup (for women and some men)
- Most ppl have a job and here in Canada min hrs a week are 50 as of now. that’s @10 hrs a day 5 days a week
- Some ppl have to upgrade to keep a license or practical job req current,
so 1-2 eves a week for 2-3 hrs in class plus studying which is usually 4-5 hrs
- Many ppl have minor children. Usually 1-2 so kids are up in the eves and @ more on the weekends, unless they have a parent who they visit for alt custody arrangements.
- Some have animals to wrangle. Dogs need walks, cats need their litter changed and both req attention or they get depressed. So let’s give them an active 1-2 hrs a day.
- If you are active in your “community”, going to the dungeon or a munch can take a good eve up so 3-4 hrs x 1 per week.
- If you’re fit you need to exercise to keep that up. So 1 hr a day maintenance.
- Prep a healthy meal or take out can use up 1/2 hr per meal, never mind eating and socializing during it. Which can take @ 2 hrs per.
- House or apt cleaning (variance by size and members using/helping clean not really able to calculate it)
- Many ppl have some illness or injury to deal with. So they have a doctor’s appt, meds to take, therapies to endure and then there’s the spoons they have or don’t to manage a relationship that day, that week. Min time is @ 3-4 hrs a week
- warm up and cool down from your time with a partner eats at the quality and can equal the actual time. (Too variable to calculate – self esteem, ability to communicate and express needs, independence)
- Many are in D/s, M/s relationships and have tasks their dominant expects of them on a daily basis. So let’s give 1-2 hrs for that.
Have I forgotten anything?
So once you have calculated the actual time and attention they can give you a week,
How emotionally available are they?
- How well do you get along?
- Is it mostly sex when you can get together or are you actually talking and working on your relationship as well?
- How superficial is your exchange? (If given a questionnaire about your partner, what could you answer about their hopes, dreams, struggles, past hurts, family dynamics…?)
How big is your poly group?
- Do you feel you get an equal or fair share of their time and emotional support?
- Do you get time on days that are important to you? (ie you and your kids’ b-days)
- Can you count on them in an emergency?
Do you get along with your metamours?
It’s complex, and only you can decide if the arrangement you have or want to enter is enough for you.
- Do you have an obvious entrance and exit strategy that sees to you being supported and safe?