mutual combat – what abuse usually looks like

## these are the usual events-
* Mom and Pop Kettle are sitting home one night and having a few too many drinks/tokes. Either they get into a snit and have a session of fisticuffs, or one of the kids might try to stop them and get mistreated.
* Mom or Pop Kettle are high and lonely so they have an inappropriate contact with a child. Physical anger or incest.
* Mom or Pop is nursing their bad head, jonesing for the next fix or unable to process reality so they neglect their responsibilities and someone gets hurt. Usually a kid.
someone gets high and horny and won’t take no for an answer. And will not stop.
## ….
* they don’t ask permission.
* they don’t consider your wishes or feelings and needs.
* They are selfish.
* They are insecure.
* They are stunted in their development.
* they are ADDICTS!

The most common link to domestic trouble, abuse or neglect, is the one between addictions and a family member or date standing in the way of their acting out. So instead of stopping and taking stock, they do it anyway.


## Yet a lot of people start using other big words
that are now part of pop psychology. Instead of drunk or high/addict, they use sociopath, psychopath and narcissist. And in the context, those words are so unlikely they are ridiculous.
Because the World Health Organization has made some interesting findings about the DSM I-IV series by the Am Psychiatric Assoc. (APA)
* Most of their personality theories are only found in Western Cultures. where people feel unloved, unsupported and disenfranchised by society, their community and their family.
* Where children are rushed in their development, instead of supported and valued.
* Where alcohol and drugs are as common as sneezing.

And around the world, they have found that the words sociopath, psychopath and narcissist are vague theories, that are virtually impossible in reality. The chances you will actually **meet** one, let alone **be** one are astronomical. They are so uncommon they are scored at 1% of the world population. Which does not mean counting heads to 1% of 7 billion people. It means solely that it’s a theory they cannot prove. They have NO EVIDENCE it exists. Which makes it an outlier or an anomaly.
## ….
an outlier is something of the group studied but resides at the edges
an anomaly is some oddity that shows up that has similar traits to the group studied, but doesn’t belong to the group.
## ….
And lose sight of the fact that it is basically a **child** who was harmed, neglected in their own infancy/youth. Who never was taught the skills they needed in relationships and life coping.
* Bonding 0-3
* Social Learning 0-7
Who was taught to self medicate as their parents did, and as a result, we have gasoline poured onto a fire.
Not a demon
Not a monster
## That in no way means you are safe with them
or should stay and try to get them help. They need a pro. They need to detox and sort out what issues are causing them to self medicate. And sober up!

## …. what it is not… pro sources
It is not likely to be a sociopath, a psychopath or a narcissist. So can we stop using those words here please? Depending on my day and mood, it makes me grind my teeth or laugh.
[60 – 70 % of familial physical altercations][]
## ….
[World Health Org – ICD-10 update 2016][]

[the sociopathic child][]
[difference between a psychopath and a sociopath][]
[malignant narcisissm][]


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