sexual perfectionism – for him and for her

**use of gender pronouns** –
* mostly needed for the body parts and physical/ hormonal aspects of sexuality. The psychological aspects may change and not be He/he and SHE/she.
* sexual/social roles –

**the dynamics of sexual dysfunction:**
HE takes @ 3 minutes to ejaculate and HE thinks ejaculation is when he is done having sex. HE then rolls over and goes to sleep. Never knowing what it’s like to [orgasm.][] Let alone have multiple orgasms.
He puts end result pressures on himself and his partner. There MUST be an erection and ejaculation for him and wetness and orgasm for her. HE has a fix-it and do-it mindset whereas she is more about please him and feel good.

Then there are [circadian rhythms][] to consider. HE and SHE might be on different hormonal schedules. HE has nocturnal and on waking arousal as primaries. SHE may not. So sometimes, it’s honestly a bad fit or bad timing.

Plus, SHE more often needs to feel connected to him to want sex at all, let alone have an orgasm.

If HE can get erect and ejaculate, then the pressure is suddenly on her. And perfectionism and performance anxiety are big problems when it comes to achieving good sex. For her and him. You get caught up in what you think SHOULD happen rather than what IS happening and there goes the erection for him and the orgasm for her. .

And frankly, men’s access to their plumbing makes stimulation a whole lot easier than women’s does. You can even access the prostate without going internal. Find the spot right behind the testicles. For the anal shy guys…

But bottomline, it takes pretty much a perfect storm for all to go well, with no farts or sweat when a man and woman have sex. The only advantage to hetero sex is procreation. Yeah 7 Billion people should be enough, right?

Since women have more complex plumbing, here’s more about us:
Causes of orgasm problems in women can be physical or psychological and include:
not being stimulated sufficiently
worrying about sexual performance
mood disorders, such as depression
problems with physical health
lack of knowledge or fear of sex
a previous traumatic sexual experience
problems in the relationship
the menopause
When can orgasm problems start?

Orgasm problems can be:
primary: a woman has never had an orgasm
secondary: she has had orgasms in the past, but can’t have one now
Some women don’t need an orgasm to enjoy sex. However, for other women and their partners, being unable to have an orgasm can be a problem.
According to the Sexual Advice Association, sexual problems, including orgasm issues, affect around 50% of women and become more common as women get older.
1. Critical thoughts toward one’s body:

2. Perceiving sex as immoral or bad:
3. Guilt about breaking the mother-daughter bond with a mother who is sexually repressed:

4. Fear of arousing repressed sadness:

5. Fear of being vulnerable:I

6. Fear of arousing repressed memories of abuse and trauma:

7. Fear of loss of control:

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