Your libido is influenced by many factors. But they come in certain groups that influence you.
Beginning with the love maps you developed as a child watching your parents interact, (Dr John Money), you watch the world and the people near and dear to you and consider in your sub-conscious what that means for you. How intimate you can be and how much you will trust others.
* You bond from conception to @ 3 yrs of age
* Your primary social learning is done prior to 7 yrs of age.
It is also influenced by how safe you felt as a child and young adult. This affects how “present” you can be in a sexual context.
Then there is your physical health – Hormones, allergies, neurotransmittors (serotonin, dopamine, endorphins…)
What your perception is of who you are and who your partner is/could be: gender, orientation, attraction potentials.
And your mental status – anxiety, depression, OCD, awareness of self and other (bonding, personality)
And finally, if you have been victimized as a sexual being and develop PTSD.
It cannot possibly be derived from one simple source as humans are complex creatures.
Bottom line, sexuality and gender come from you, your partner and those who influenced you both. And they have multi-social institutional impacts.
Here are a few places you can begin your education on what makes you be easily or minimally interested in sexual expression and relationships. And some questions for you to consider…
# . . . . . .
* Do you expect that all romantic relationships involve commitment?
* How long do you think relationships should last?
* Can you not be satisfied until you find the right romantic partner?
## Time to destination
* What is the ideal length of time between meeting someone and arriving at a romantic commitment (saying “I love you”)?
* If you’re in between relationships, how long do you think is healthy until you get into your next relationship?
* How long are you willing to wait until your partner is able to make a commitment to you?
## Obstacles to avoid
* How much disagreement would you be willing to accept between you and your partner on basic life values?
* Does the prospect of getting into an argument with your partner excite or frighten you?
* If a partner doesn’t want a monogamous relationship, is that a deal-breaker for you?
* How important is it to you that you and your partner spend most of your time separate from other friends, family, or social obligations?
* From these questions, we can identify 4 types of lovemaps:
You desire commitment, want your relationships to last, and don’t like being without a partner, and want your relationships to be conflict-free. You prefer to be with your partner but don’t mind spending time with others.
1 . Denial and dissociation
2. Avoidance behaviors (due to shame, despair and fear)
3. Delusional omnipotence (controlling that which will achieve the sexual aim of the addict)
4. Narcissism and deception
5. Sexual obsessive and compulsive behaviors (out of control)
6. Risk taking
7. Excessive fantasy
8. Endangering one’s professional and family life
9. Tolerating abusive relationships
10. Living a double life
11 . Desperate and irresponsible behaviors
12. Lack of appropriate boundaries
13. Decrease in one’s spiritual or religious life