domestic violence

[domestic violence stats][http://ncadv.org/learn-more/statistics]

1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have been a victim of DV by an intimate partner.

[when][http://stopabuse.umich.edu/about/understanding.html]

according to the CDC, 85% of survivors are women who were abused by men. The rest are men who were abused by women, or same sex partners (m-m, f-f)

[why][https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/compassion-matters/201210/why-domestic-violence-occurs-and-how-stop-it]

abuser has a critical inner voice, and they perceive a fantasy bond between them and their target.

[characteristics of abusers][http://www.ilrctbay.com/upload/custom/abuse/content/abusers.htm]

If the person you love or live with does these things, it’s time to get help:

  • Keeps track of what you are doing all the time and criticizes you for little things.
  • Constantly accuses you of being unfaithful.
  • Prevents or discourages you from seeing friends or family, or going to work or school.
  • Gets angry when drinking alcohol or using drugs.
  • Controls all the money you spend.
  • Humiliates you in front of others.
  • Destroys your property or things that you care about.
  • Threatens to hurt you or the children or pets, or does cause hurt (by hitting, punching, slapping, kicking, or biting).
  • Uses or threatens to use a weapon against you.
  • Forces you to have sex against your will.
  • Blames you for his/her violent outbursts.

Characteristics of Abusers…Warning signs of potential violence:

  • Abuser pacing the floor
  • Clenching/unclenching fists
  • Facial expression (glaring)
  • Shouting/yelling

How dangerous is the abuser? Assessing lethality in an abuse situation:

Some domestic violence is life threatening. All domestic violence is dangerous, but some abusers are more likely to kill than others and some are more likely to kill at specific times. The likelihood of homicide is greater when the following factors are present:

  1. Threats of homicide or suicide: The abuser may threaten to kill himself, the victim, the children, relatives, friends, or someone else;
  2. Plans for homicide or suicide: The more detailed the abuser’s plan and the more available the method, the greater the risk he will use deadly force;
  3. Weapons: The abuser possesses weapons, and has threatened to use them in the past against the victim, the children, or himself. If the abuser has a history of arson, fire should be considered a weapon;
  4. “Ownership” of the victim: The abuser says things like “If I can’t have you no one can” or “I would rather see you dead than have you divorce me”. The abuser believes he is absolutely entitled to the obedience and loyalty of the victim;
  5. Centrality of victim to the abuser: The abuser idolizes the victim, depending heavily on him or her to organize and sustain the abuser’s life, or the abuser isolates the victim from outside supports;
  6. Separation violence: The abuser believes he is about to lose the victim;
  7. Repeated calls to law enforcement: A history of violence is indicated by repeated police involvement;
  8. Escalation of risk-taking: The abuser has begun to act without regard to legal or social consequences that previously constrained his violence; and
  9. Hostage taking: He is desperate enough to risk the life of innocent persons by taking hostages.  There is a very serious likelihood of the situation turning deadly.
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