Sent: Thursday, February 18, 2016 at 10:25 PM
Note | 2 Comments · 2 Love It | 11 minutes ago
Often I see people who think they have to look or be a certain way to be attractive to potential lovers and their self esteem wanes when they think their looks wouldn’t capture the eye of a potential mate. I think it’s more complicated than that.
What looks you find attractive when you’re a teenager often changes over time.
For example, I’ve had a crush on Richard Gere since I was a teen and first saw him in An Officer and a Gentleman. Then I thought that look was smoking hot. Now I think he was cute then and is way hotter now. But it would be kind of weird if as a teen I thought a guy with greying hair was really sexy. And a little freaky if I went after guys who looked like he did then at my age now. Bordering on sick.
Then there are the emotional attachments. After I break up with a guy, I rarely ever date someone who looks like them again. I think it’s kind of odd when I see people go from one doppleganger to another. What’s that about??
And frankly, even with plastic surgery, looks wane as you get older and gravity happens too. Your life leaves it’s marks on your face and body. But it does on your partner’s too. Most people forgive what is on someone else’s body a lot sooner than they will on their own. And most people just aren’t that superficial. Especially as they mature.
What you are looking for is important as well.
As a teen, I was looking for someone who was fun and a little wild. Now I want someone who is mature and doesn’t need a mom or dad to look out for them and keep them out of jail. Or the morgue.
Then partying was part of who I was. Now, I have no problem cutting loose and having fun, but I stay sober and want my partner to as well. It’s where I’m at in life now. SO I want a partner who gets that.
What you are excited about is often reflected onto your partner when you share interests.
You know when you are really new and fresh at an activity and it’s all you want to talk about and you find your self surrounded by people who share your interest? Then you compile that excitement with shared experience and intimacy. It can become sexual and often does. At least as a crush, if not an affair or marriage.
What you want (your goals) determines who you want around you.
If you want to jump from bed to bed, that’s who you’ll spend time with. If you want marriage, a house and kids, you want someone who is into commitment.
What you are attracted to sexually changes too
When you are young and fit, you want to try different things. When you are jaded, you almost have to. Or you lose interest in having sex. You have a been there done it all attitude. Unless you develop a desire to be a teacher, then you look for young and innocent people and get off on their excitement.
You are looking for your mate and so are they
All of these factors come together and you meet. It’s all about the fit and the timing. That’s when you burn the sheets up and can’t keep your hands off each other.
It is never about you and your foibles and scars. It’s about the two of you.
It’s also what can drive you apart. Your frustrations and worries can rip you apart. They build up to explosion. Then you might hook up a time or two afterwards, but the emotion rules over the sex. You’ve had sex with an ex right? One you had no intention of getting back with?
So instead of focusing on your scars and hurts, think this thru and set yourself up to succeed. Even really gorgeous people have problems finding and keeping mates. And even really ugly people last a lifetime and are happy. And most of the people who worry about their looks, trust levels and personality are just setting themselves to fail.
Because what is sexiest of all, is self confidence
So change the message you use to refer to yourself. Focus on the good stuff and build your self esteem. It’s then you will meet a person you deserve and frankly who will treat you right.
If you don’t get this right, the chances are that you will attract someone, but that person will be a predator or a user.
Love yourself and you will attract love. (the law of attraction)
If you can’t do this on your own, then get therapy
No really, I mean it!!