Sent: Sunday, February 14, 2016 at 3:31 PM
Subject: de-mystifying the dominant
DE-MYSTIFYING THE DOMINANT
by MsPeachieRocks almost 2 years ago
A dear friend has been going thru the horrors this weekend and I wanted to say a few things that would help her, then I thought others may need to hear it also. So here it goes.
1) sometimes good sometimes bad but still always human. Not a monster or a devil to be feared. If you live far from them, they can only reach you thru the media you let them have access to you thru. YOU are still in control. BLOCK them if they scare you.
2) In control, but only if you give them access to you. But if they aren’t in control of themselves, how can they control you? I mean really.
DOMINANTS ARE NOT:
1) gods or goddesses. They do NOT shape your fate or your future unless you let them. They are not perfect or powerful and not able to reach you thru the screen of your computer or any other device you use to communicate with them. Shut it off if they get out of line!!
2) Protocol is a tool and very few dominants use it. Those who do are in high demand sub-groups within bdsm. Some use it to abuse but not every dominant will. It is easier to find control freaks there, but not all are. If you are too sensitive to keep a small part of you separate from the dominant perhaps these aren’t the right ways for you to relate to a dominant. Perhaps you are too dependent in relationships to tolerate this well and should stay clear of this type of communicating.
1) Do not under any circumstances let yourself be isolated and let the dominant be the only voice in your life, EVER.
2) Do not give them full access. Keep part of yourself separate with friends and loved ones in the know about what your relationship is. In AA they say you are only as sick as your secrets. Love should NOT be a secret. It is only unhealthy to do that.
3) A dominant should want you to GROW not keep you infanticised (even in a baby/child role). Make sure you have lessons as part of the relationship.
4) PUN/FUNishment should only be PART of the relationship. There should be positive things happening too.
5) BUt no matter what you do in the relationship YOU are responsible for your own self worth, self esteem, self confidence and need to have people in your life who support and encourage and protect you. Especially dominants.
A love note to my friend. ❤ ❤