Sent: Monday, January 11, 2016 at 7:28 PM
Subject: Santa’s Bad Mates in XXXmas Village
the Grinch and Krampus
Grinch was an ugly, ugly guy who felt as ugly inside as out. He was jealous and greedy. So every Christmas, he went around stealing the fun out of homes of the rich or poor. What he wanted was to take the happy out of the home. He didn’t care about the things. He didn’t want them. He had tried that before…
This time, he wanted to steal the happy itself.
So he plotted and stewed his brain out till he came up with a plan, that even the man himself would have no problem with. He stalked a few homes that were on Santa’s worst of the worst naughty list. Then he found a way into each one.
What did he do you ask?
Instead of toys, he took keepsakes they could not replace. He raped the women. He assaulted and maimed the men. He switched the children around, so each parent thought they were gone forever. For a few horrible days. They never got back that sense of safety again. He’d won!!
Why would Santa complain? They were his discards, right?
Krampus watched the Grinch and thought he could one-up his friend. They were used to kids disappearing into his bag and they knew what a birch bundle felt like by his hands. So he had to come up with a worse plan.
Aha!! He had one. He kidnapped the women and took them to far off lands and dumped them in harems after he cut out their tongues. They could tell no one what happened. The husbands searched for a while, but then found another woman to warm their beds. So he brought back the wife and watched giggling as they fought over the man. Some figured it out. But there were a few who ended up with murder plans. So he let them carry it out. And laughed at them
Santa and Mrs Claus watched his friends and she looked at him like she wasn’t so sure about him. "You’re known by your associations, you know" and left Santa to handle them.
Santa called his mates and invited them over. He banged their heads together and switched their butts as they tried to run from him. Then he said the worst thing a man friend can hear or say, "My wife says I can’t be friends with you if this is how you behave. You’re a bad influence!!"
They hugged and said their goodbyes and Santa got into the sleigh. He drove sadly away from his crying friends. No ho ho ho’s were heard that night.