Sent: Sunday, April 26, 2015 at 3:52 PM
Subject: The difference between fantasy and reality
|I think it is often the onus of the dominant to decide if a fantasy is good for the submissive to participate in. And I think this takes more than a week of knowing the person, before you engage in behaviours that could ultimately warp someone’s psyche irreparably.
Unless you are on camera, there’s no true way to assess what the impact is of your words when on line either. It may appear innocent, harmless fun but if that person has a vulnerable spot in their mind or emotional makeup, you have no true way of judging that in an online play session in the first week of knowing someone. Not even a fully qualified psychiatrist would say they know every frail spot in a patient in week one of treating them. So how can an online dominant?
There are times when I have stopped a play session because I thought the submissive wasn’t getting the experience they should have been and potential harm could occur. Based solely on cues I would have had no way of assessing in a written communication. Facial expression and body language. Yet the submissive wanted to keep going. I said no. I have also refused to re-introduce that fantasy with that submissive.
If you don’t think an online fantasy can have effect on someone, just consider how upset you get when you run into a troll or bully. There is no real risk of harm, yet they really can upset you. You can feel intimidated and scared/angry.
So what if the submissive has self esteem issues? What if this fantasy is their only contact this week and you are putting them in a funk they don’t have the coping skills to crawl out of? Can you ever confirm they have a solid and varied support system around them to counter-balance any negative play you are engaging in? Not in a week of online exchanges only, no.
What if this is your first time dominating? Should you be engaging in a negative fantasy online at all? I would say no.
You may disagree with me, but I hope I’ve made you think about it at least. Domination has triggers in it that do affect people and some areas of mental play are just as risk filled as breath or fire play on the wrong person.
I’m saying know what you are doing.