Sent: Friday, April 17, 2015 at 8:34 PM
Subject: breakups suck…
I hate getting involved in other people’s relationships esp when it comes to breakups. I’m a protective friend and will if there is reason to believe there was abuse, but when there clearly wasn’t, then it’s really none of my business. I don’t take sides, unless I’m forced to. It’s a no-win situation. I listen and commiserate. Give lots of hugs ad tissues as needed.
Here is how I see it: Two imperfect people managed to get into each others’ spheres of influence and felt attraction. In that rush of feeling they let things like common sense and common interest go out the window. They didn’t care if it had legs, they just ran into each others’ arms.
These two imperfect people crushed for the first bit, then slowly their priorities went back to their lives and interests, and SOB (!!!) they couldn’t drag their new "love" with them. (sob whine whinge). And frustration built. (Surprise surprise). They started having conflicts and less sex (awww ffs!! ) And time goes by and they start to wonder why they were attracted in the first place. And these imperfect people didn’t have a therapists’ license to manage the other persons’ needs and wants when they feel like shit themselves. (Even those WITH licenses have fallen under the pressure of this). Nobody MEANT to harm but holy cow they did. Being imperfect and all. Go figure. 😛
Then they dial a friend (or several) and tell their side of the story. Ok if you know ONE of them but when you know both it can be a real challenge. Suddenly in some cases, you start hearing stuff about a friend you really never wanted to know. Like body habits… nose picking, fart counting, crap on the toilet seat stuff :S ( why do I wanna barf??) I mean who wants to know that buddy breaks wind whenever he has an orgasm when you have to see him the next morning at the office?? (dies blushing and giggling). Either that or you get the intimate details, how long the penis, how high the squirt wave, and it’s a mix of off-putting and a turn-on. (Oi vey)
All that, now add D/s. You would think that all we chat about in the power dynamic makes a good couple. Um not always, not really. It can but hopefully you have other things to count on cuzz the very things that can make a really good dynamic in D/s can rip you apart too. It seems doms forget to check in and see the sub is ok after the first few play sessions when it’s a relationship and subs forget to bow and scrape when it’s their major relationship. Now you have a brat and an angry person rather than a dom/sub one. 😦 That gets annoying and old really quick when that’s NOT what you signed on for. Brats are cute as friends but as your SO they really suck j/s. (IMO of course)
And in breakup stages, dom is a nasty fuck and sub is crying all the time (or vice versa) and the last thing they wanna do is talk it through and do after care. So along come the friends who try to clean up for them. (oh so well meaning but so harmful). They really do NEED to do their own aftercare. It is critical to where they go in their next relationships, and always what I say to the one or two talking to me about it. You MUST talk it through with each other. You really MUST.
The more entwined their lives were, the more after care is required. Not less, never less. But in the hurt feelings they won’t even say hello let alone discuss what they need to. They’re avoiding each other like the plague and building up the hate needed to sever the relationship. (And occasionally having hot steamy mad sex and crying after in a mix of guilt and loss).
But neither meant to cause all this drama and if you asked them they would say they hate drama. Neither meant to cause harm, yet how else could it end up? They are imperfect people playing games meant for perfect people after all.
So off they go feeling bad to the next relationship, dragging all that baggage with them and wondering why they can’t get over it and deal with their feelings? Um cuzz they didn’t take a breath and think things thru or do the work necessary to resolve things and jumped into the arms of probably their best confident and/or the antithesis of their past crush yet see the same patterns starting up again. ( Now who would have predicted that?? Raises hand)
I see this over and over and really wonder why … I know this seems a bit humourous(?) but really that’s the way I deal with my emotions. Nobody was a sociopath or a narcissist, they were just two imperfect people who probably shouldn’t have been together at all. But hey who can talk someone out of acting when you feel all those great lusty feelings build up? I guess I could try separating them like you do dogs who are in heat, spray ice cold water on them??
Sighs, next time I’ll just send them the link to this at the beginning, but I bet I know exactly what I’ll hear… join me now "Oh that’ll never happen to us" :S